6 ms·

It’s honestly fascinating to me that women think bots are so interesting that they deserve an article like this. I feel like almost all men match with more bots

by 3qz 4y ago

It’s honestly fascinating to me that women think bots are so interesting that they deserve an article like this. I feel like almost all men match with more bots than real women. We live in entirely different worlds.

ghostpepper 4y ago
I was kind of disappointed that the author was contacted by the scammer and then after exchanging no real information, decided to wrap up the investigation. I understand she might have concerns for her personal safety (giving a VOIP number instead of her real one might have been prudent) but I thought this story was going to go much deeper. The author didn’t really find out much of anything, and mostly just relayed a personal anecdote.
pcbro141 4y ago
The raw male perspective on modern dating is rarely featured in mainstream media. The only place to get men's perspective on modern dating is basically 'red pill' type of content, which is unfortunate. Most journalists are women, and quite frankly in most of their dating columns they don't seem too interested in understanding male perspectives on the frustrations of modern dating (unless it's to bash extremist incel/red pill types). I can't recall reading many mainstream media dating articles sympathetic to men's frustrations with modern dating, you can find plenty sympathetic to women's frustrations though.
- majormajor 4y ago
  None of the men I talk to in real life have the experiences I see men complaining about online. The women I meet in real life, on the other hand, have stories that match the ones I read about online. The male complainers just naturally have more to gripe about than the "meh, it's fine" crowd who usually can't be bothered (or aren't believed in the crowd of complaints).
  - P5fRxh5kUvp2th 4y ago
    How can we blame men in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... GO!
  - pcbro141 4y ago
    Well I guess that settles it. All the tens of millions of men having issues with dating don't exist in real life since you haven't personally met them.
    - Bakary 4y ago
      The takeaway here is that there is a middle ground between the 'blackpill' mindset we often hear about online and the reality. The reality is grim, but not grimdark.
      - pcbro141 4y ago
        I agree, but None of the men I talk to in real life have the experiences I see men complaining about online This is dismissing all the complaints of men. Not all the complaints men have are baseless. This dismissive mindset of declaring every complaint men have as black pill/extremist/incel is probably why young men are gravitating to more extreme 'red pill' characters like Andrew Tate by the tens of millions. This is what happens when you dismiss any chance for nuanced and balanced conversations where both sides grievances are heard.
    - majormajor 4y ago
      You just want me to take your "tens of millions" number on faith? Claiming that it's at the same quantitative level as, say, monthly listeners of Beyonce on Spotify, or many other things that it's easy to find real-life claims of without support is a lot to ask of folks. Tens of millions having a hard time dating or tens of millions convinced women are the enemy and are treating them unfairly? Cause from the outside, it just looks like there are a bunch of people - who over-estimate the universalness of their experience - who have decided somehow that other struggling men are the expert on women's behavior re: dating and jumped to entirely wrong conclusions. This probably isn't just their fault; the last fifteen years of social media tech have really accelerated the ability of people to take advantage of self-reinforcing bubbles to push toxic views. Dating is hard, it's always been hard for most people, but there wasn't always such an easy way to find others telling you it's actually everyone else being out to get you. Like this zero-sum-game gem from elsewhere in the thread: "It’s hard to have a conversation about it because women don’t fucking care. You know why? It’s not their problem and it never affects them directly. It also means often that the solution involves women changing and that’s sexist, sweaty." - They're the ones doing it wrong - very deep, very insightful, how much deep introspection and reflection did it take them to jump to that conclusion? But hey, I'm not a woman, so you're gonna have to come up with a new reason I'm skeptical. I guess I'm just lucky that when I was a late-20s virgin the "foreveralone" convo was more ironic and less violent, so I just focused on my own social skills. And then there are quick downvotes and lazy dismissals so no wonder the non-angry men don't bother to engage that often.
- swagasaurus-rex 4y ago
  What men are sold are "Best date ideas for a special woman", "Top 10 things you can say to make her knees melt", "The perfect gemstone for your perfect woman".
- AlexandrB 4y ago
  Ironically, this video focusing on "incels" has a pretty good understanding of the male online dating experience (starting around 17:00): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fD2briZ6fB0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fD2briZ6fB0 I agree that the various "red pill" subcultures have done a terrific job of sucking the air out of the room RE conversations about men's dating experience. It's a hard conversation to have with any amount of nuance in 2022.
  - bradlys 4y ago
    If you think it’s redpillers who ruined the conversation around men’s sexual experiences - that shows just how well the mainstream media is at influencing you. Redpill was a niche subculture no one knew about (and mostly still doesn’t) - just like incels. It was the mainstream media who made RP, incels, and general lack of sexual experiences for men to be the next 9/11. It’s hard to have a conversation about it because women don’t fucking care. You know why? It’s not their problem and it never affects them directly. It also means often that the solution involves women changing and that’s sexist, sweaty.
    - Matheus28 4y ago
      What solution are you implying?
      - bradlys 4y ago
        There's no clean solution here. It requires a shift in cultural norms for everyone. From what I've seen, there are two main issues: 1) amount of options is too much for most women (big cities, online dating, using shallow social networks, etc.) and 2) we are focusing more on looks in our culture (instagram, tiktok, etc.) In order to solve this - you'd have to change the way people meet and the way our culture values people. We need to value deeper ways to meet people like through hobbies, social groups, etc. where someone can have a more lasting impression than half a second on Tinder. (If you think this mentality doesn't affect people IRL - you are mistaken) Does this mean that all the work is on women? Nope. It does however mean that there is work women have to do. Thus why it will never happen. We haven't asked women to change much in the last 50 years. The main focus has been on changing men, not women.
jimbob45 4y ago
Yeah, there’s this desperate push by feminists to have this “we’re just like men with the exact same problems!” narrative. Meanwhile, reality. Women have problems in online dating too, even equal in severity and scope. Just not the exact same problems.
- CharlesW 4y ago
  > Yeah, there’s this desperate push by feminists to have this “we’re just like men with the exact same problems!” narrative. Show me what in the article says (or implies) that women are "just like men" or "have the exact same problems".
ironmagma 4y ago
Not only bots, but scam artists in general: people abusing the platform for soliciting themselves, advertising their OnlyFans, or (this has actually happened to me) people giving out their (fake? but convincing) social security card photos, presumably to get the receiver to reciprocate. This is on a dating app.
yellow_lead 4y ago
This particular woman was interested, I doubt most would be. This article wasn't interesting at all, she didn't even find out anything about the scam. I don't see why it was written. Newsflash there are scammers on the internet.

by 3qz 4y ago

ghostpepper 4y ago

I was kind of disappointed that the author was contacted by the scammer and then after exchanging no real information, decided to wrap up the investigation. I understand she might have concerns for her personal safety (giving a VOIP number instead of her real one might have been prudent) but I thought this story was going to go much deeper. The author didn’t really find out much of anything, and mostly just relayed a personal anecdote.

pcbro141 4y ago

The raw male perspective on modern dating is rarely featured in mainstream media. The only place to get men's perspective on modern dating is basically 'red pill' type of content, which is unfortunate. Most journalists are women, and quite frankly in most of their dating columns they don't seem too interested in understanding male perspectives on the frustrations of modern dating (unless it's to bash extremist incel/red pill types). I can't recall reading many mainstream media dating articles sympathetic to men's frustrations with modern dating, you can find plenty sympathetic to women's frustrations though.

majormajor 4y ago
None of the men I talk to in real life have the experiences I see men complaining about online. The women I meet in real life, on the other hand, have stories that match the ones I read about online. The male complainers just naturally have more to gripe about than the "meh, it's fine" crowd who usually can't be bothered (or aren't believed in the crowd of complaints).
- P5fRxh5kUvp2th 4y ago
  How can we blame men in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... GO!
- pcbro141 4y ago
  Well I guess that settles it. All the tens of millions of men having issues with dating don't exist in real life since you haven't personally met them.
  - Bakary 4y ago
    The takeaway here is that there is a middle ground between the 'blackpill' mindset we often hear about online and the reality. The reality is grim, but not grimdark.
    - pcbro141 4y ago
      I agree, but None of the men I talk to in real life have the experiences I see men complaining about online This is dismissing all the complaints of men. Not all the complaints men have are baseless. This dismissive mindset of declaring every complaint men have as black pill/extremist/incel is probably why young men are gravitating to more extreme 'red pill' characters like Andrew Tate by the tens of millions. This is what happens when you dismiss any chance for nuanced and balanced conversations where both sides grievances are heard.
  - majormajor 4y ago
    You just want me to take your "tens of millions" number on faith? Claiming that it's at the same quantitative level as, say, monthly listeners of Beyonce on Spotify, or many other things that it's easy to find real-life claims of without support is a lot to ask of folks. Tens of millions having a hard time dating or tens of millions convinced women are the enemy and are treating them unfairly? Cause from the outside, it just looks like there are a bunch of people - who over-estimate the universalness of their experience - who have decided somehow that other struggling men are the expert on women's behavior re: dating and jumped to entirely wrong conclusions. This probably isn't just their fault; the last fifteen years of social media tech have really accelerated the ability of people to take advantage of self-reinforcing bubbles to push toxic views. Dating is hard, it's always been hard for most people, but there wasn't always such an easy way to find others telling you it's actually everyone else being out to get you. Like this zero-sum-game gem from elsewhere in the thread: "It’s hard to have a conversation about it because women don’t fucking care. You know why? It’s not their problem and it never affects them directly. It also means often that the solution involves women changing and that’s sexist, sweaty." - They're the ones doing it wrong - very deep, very insightful, how much deep introspection and reflection did it take them to jump to that conclusion? But hey, I'm not a woman, so you're gonna have to come up with a new reason I'm skeptical. I guess I'm just lucky that when I was a late-20s virgin the "foreveralone" convo was more ironic and less violent, so I just focused on my own social skills. And then there are quick downvotes and lazy dismissals so no wonder the non-angry men don't bother to engage that often.
swagasaurus-rex 4y ago
What men are sold are "Best date ideas for a special woman", "Top 10 things you can say to make her knees melt", "The perfect gemstone for your perfect woman".
AlexandrB 4y ago
Ironically, this video focusing on "incels" has a pretty good understanding of the male online dating experience (starting around 17:00): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fD2briZ6fB0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fD2briZ6fB0 I agree that the various "red pill" subcultures have done a terrific job of sucking the air out of the room RE conversations about men's dating experience. It's a hard conversation to have with any amount of nuance in 2022.
- bradlys 4y ago
  If you think it’s redpillers who ruined the conversation around men’s sexual experiences - that shows just how well the mainstream media is at influencing you. Redpill was a niche subculture no one knew about (and mostly still doesn’t) - just like incels. It was the mainstream media who made RP, incels, and general lack of sexual experiences for men to be the next 9/11. It’s hard to have a conversation about it because women don’t fucking care. You know why? It’s not their problem and it never affects them directly. It also means often that the solution involves women changing and that’s sexist, sweaty.
  - Matheus28 4y ago
    What solution are you implying?
    - bradlys 4y ago
      There's no clean solution here. It requires a shift in cultural norms for everyone. From what I've seen, there are two main issues: 1) amount of options is too much for most women (big cities, online dating, using shallow social networks, etc.) and 2) we are focusing more on looks in our culture (instagram, tiktok, etc.) In order to solve this - you'd have to change the way people meet and the way our culture values people. We need to value deeper ways to meet people like through hobbies, social groups, etc. where someone can have a more lasting impression than half a second on Tinder. (If you think this mentality doesn't affect people IRL - you are mistaken) Does this mean that all the work is on women? Nope. It does however mean that there is work women have to do. Thus why it will never happen. We haven't asked women to change much in the last 50 years. The main focus has been on changing men, not women.

jimbob45 4y ago

Yeah, there’s this desperate push by feminists to have this “we’re just like men with the exact same problems!” narrative. Meanwhile, reality. Women have problems in online dating too, even equal in severity and scope. Just not the exact same problems.

CharlesW 4y ago
> Yeah, there’s this desperate push by feminists to have this “we’re just like men with the exact same problems!” narrative. Show me what in the article says (or implies) that women are "just like men" or "have the exact same problems".

ironmagma 4y ago

Not only bots, but scam artists in general: people abusing the platform for soliciting themselves, advertising their OnlyFans, or (this has actually happened to me) people giving out their (fake? but convincing) social security card photos, presumably to get the receiver to reciprocate. This is on a dating app.

yellow_lead 4y ago

This particular woman was interested, I doubt most would be. This article wasn't interesting at all, she didn't even find out anything about the scam. I don't see why it was written. Newsflash there are scammers on the internet.