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This. It is the responsibility of aging parents to move to where their children can earn a living, not the other way around. My grandparents lived around two a
by rcarr 4y ago
This. It is the responsibility of aging parents to move to where their children can earn a living, not the other way around.
My grandparents lived around two and a half hours away from their daughter (my mother) and I and half an hour away from their son (my uncle). We were pretty poor after the financial crisis so it meant we could only really go visit once or twice a year. My uncle was away a lot (works in the military) so they didn’t get particularly frequent visits from him. We asked them to move closer to us, but neither of them liked change and my grandfather was fond of the view.
My grandfather ended up getting ill and dying. We only got to see him a few times between diagnosis to death because of how far away they were. My grandmother ended up living alone in the house for about two years and getting Parkinsons. She’s now bed bound in a care home, again with hardly any visits because of how far away she is and the fact that we’re still not financially recovered, even after all this time. This whole sorry state of affairs could have been avoided if they just decided to move closer to us. They had more than enough resources to do so. But no. Primarily because they didn’t like change and my grandfather liked looking at the sunset over some hills.
To anyone reading this, do not bury your head in the sand about the realities of aging and dying unless you want to end up living a similarly tragic story.
- lo_zamoyski 4y agoYou may be overgeneralizing your particular situation. These sorts of things are subject to numerous factors and details that vary across families. You have three options: parents move closer to children, children move close to parents, or neither (both operate independently). Which is the best possible move is not the same everywhere and at all times.
- rcarr 4y agoYou’re definitely right. But if there are no extenuating circumstances then I do think the default view should be parents move to kids rather than the other way around. At the end of the day, one set of people are shortly going to become unable to take care of themselves and the other isn’t. Whilst you still have the ability to do something about it, lessen the burden on your loved ones by moving closer to them rather than increasing it by staying put. Personally, if I’m in terminal decline and have enough forewarning and ability left to do something about it, I think I’d be inclined to take myself out of the game and save my family the pain of having to spend thousands on care costs and watch me slowly wither away. I’d rather go out on my own terms with a bit of dignity and for my family to spend the extra inheritance money on whatever they want. But obviously that is a very personal decision and I wouldn’t ever cast judgement on someone for being for or against it. I will however, cast some judgement if you’re past seventy and burying your head in the sand about what’s coming down the pipeline rather than having a plan in place to lessen the burden placed on your loved ones.
- Kaibeezy 4y ago... if you’re past seventy and burying your head in the sand about what’s coming down the pipeline rather than having a plan in place to lessen the burden placed on your loved ones. Yep, that's really it. Just had something come down the pipeline today :(
- rcarr 4y agoI am very sorry to hear that. I hope this poem may bring you some comfort or failing that, you find something upon which you can draw strength and solace. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45099/sonnet-73-that-time-of-year-thou-mayst-in-me-behold https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45099/sonnet-73-that-...
- Kaibeezy 4y agoThank you. It’s a perspective I understand and accept. I’ve seen those last sparks flare up unexpectedly on several occasions and it’s a true gift, honoring both giver and receiver.
- Kaibeezy 4y agoYep, that. Such feeble excuses. Ach, well, for our part we really tried hard to help them find a way, so at least we're not loaded down with guilt on top of all the sadness.