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I don't think that not seeing his parents very often should be universally considered bad. As an adult, you're making your own decisions and building your own

I don't think that not seeing his parents very often should be universally considered bad. As an adult, you're making your own decisions and building your own family. Your spouse might not really like spending that much time with your parents. And you might not really like her or his parents. From my experience, staying close to the same people who raised you will keep you in that comfortable but limited childhood state for longer than necessary.

daoist_shaman 4y ago
> As an adult, you're making your own decisions and building your own family. Yeah, this is 100% true. You can, and should, sever ties with abusive individuals where you have the power to do so. You have the power to choose your family, but some people think it’s an unbreakable life bond and will try to guilt you for all eternity for disagreeing.
latexr 4y ago
> Your spouse might not really like spending that much time with your parents. And you might not really like her or his parents. Heck, you might not even like your parents. There are a ton of selfish people in the world and many have children. I know my fair share of individuals who were (or are) held back in their own life, happiness, and mental stability because of their emotionally manipulative parents. More than once I’ve seen someone in this situation being temporarily forced away (due to studies or a job) and flourish in all areas of life, only to regress when they return close to home. It’s harrowing. Parents aren’t universally good, yet our society is constantly trying to sell us on the idea of “family above all”. Screw that. You didn’t pick your family. You’re under no obligation to suffer your whole life if they’re shitty. Pick good friends instead.
- oceanplexian 4y ago
  Your parents can also be the most wonderful, easy-going, caring people the word but it still gets really old, really fast living with them or spending several days a week with them over the years. It also seems super illogical you would constrain yourself to one geographical place in the world based on what your parents thought was a good place to live, not based on what you actually want. That sounds stifling to me. Distance also makes family relationships more meaningful, not less. My parents, grandparents, and siblings all live in different states or countries thousands of miles away. We still plan vacations and meetups and holidays each year, we talk on the phone, online, etc, so the idea I’ll only see them X times before they die don’t add up.
scrapcode 4y ago
Yeah, I mean, or it really just kind of makes those of us that simply cannot move closer feel that much worse about it. I miss mostly everything about being at the place where I am from, but moving there would move us even further from my spouses' parents. A move to the halfway point would mean we have to uproot what we've build at our current location for the past decade or so. Life is often about hard compromises.

daoist_shaman 4y ago

> As an adult, you're making your own decisions and building your own family. Yeah, this is 100% true. You can, and should, sever ties with abusive individuals where you have the power to do so. You have the power to choose your family, but some people think it’s an unbreakable life bond and will try to guilt you for all eternity for disagreeing.

latexr 4y ago

> Your spouse might not really like spending that much time with your parents. And you might not really like her or his parents. Heck, you might not even like your parents. There are a ton of selfish people in the world and many have children. I know my fair share of individuals who were (or are) held back in their own life, happiness, and mental stability because of their emotionally manipulative parents. More than once I’ve seen someone in this situation being temporarily forced away (due to studies or a job) and flourish in all areas of life, only to regress when they return close to home. It’s harrowing. Parents aren’t universally good, yet our society is constantly trying to sell us on the idea of “family above all”. Screw that. You didn’t pick your family. You’re under no obligation to suffer your whole life if they’re shitty. Pick good friends instead.

oceanplexian 4y ago
Your parents can also be the most wonderful, easy-going, caring people the word but it still gets really old, really fast living with them or spending several days a week with them over the years. It also seems super illogical you would constrain yourself to one geographical place in the world based on what your parents thought was a good place to live, not based on what you actually want. That sounds stifling to me. Distance also makes family relationships more meaningful, not less. My parents, grandparents, and siblings all live in different states or countries thousands of miles away. We still plan vacations and meetups and holidays each year, we talk on the phone, online, etc, so the idea I’ll only see them X times before they die don’t add up.

scrapcode 4y ago

Yeah, I mean, or it really just kind of makes those of us that simply cannot move closer feel that much worse about it. I miss mostly everything about being at the place where I am from, but moving there would move us even further from my spouses' parents. A move to the halfway point would mean we have to uproot what we've build at our current location for the past decade or so. Life is often about hard compromises.