4 ms·

"Stop being nice. It’s a waste of time and energy. Nice often requires false expressions of caring, when you really couldn’t give a shit. Be kind." This made m

by antman 4y ago

"Stop being nice. It’s a waste of time and energy. Nice often requires false expressions of caring, when you really couldn’t give a shit. Be kind." This made me understand the difference!

pdimitar 4y ago
I admit I still don't. Would you try explaining it?
- panxyh 4y ago
  Then you probably are kind.
- jameshush 4y ago
  Learn to set boundaries with people. It was easy for me to think I was just being "nice" when in reality I was just bad at setting boundaries. I'm still not the best at setting boundaries, but at least now I recognize after the fact when I let someone over step, compared to when I was younger and just thought it was normal. For anyone curious this book helped me a lot: https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/B072C64V1L/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=boundaries&qid=1664792107&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIzLjUyIiwicXNhIjoiMi44NCIsInFzcCI6IjIuODYifQ%3D%3D&sr=8-1 https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/... especially the story at the very beginning.
  - pdimitar 4y ago
    Ouch! I'm going exactly through the same thing right now. Trying to start a business and my cofounder will take absolutely everything that you give him and then demand more. We had several yelling competitions in the last days. Setting boundaries post factum is extremely hard and that is putting it mildly. Indeed, let's call it like it is -- I wasn't being nice; I was being a doormat. Very fresh and painful lessons that are even now still boiling and developing in my brain. Thank you for the advice. Trust me, it hit exactly where you meant it to. With 100% precision.
euroderf 4y ago
I think this might underrate the value of being nice. But, point taken: Don't overdo nice because you feel external pressure to do so. Being kind is necessary and often sufficient.
jrootabega 4y ago
Sounds like the premise of the movie Me, Myself and Irene. I think "nice" vs. "kind" here is just somewhat arbitrary vocabulary. I'm old enough to understand what she means, though. Getting along with someone, or avoiding conflict, doesn't mean you need to internalize it with genuine affection or empathy. If you do that, when your ability to feel that way inside runs out -- and it will -- you'll suddenly find it a lot harder to get along with people.

by antman 4y ago

"Stop being nice. It’s a waste of time and energy. Nice often requires false expressions of caring, when you really couldn’t give a shit. Be kind." This made me understand the difference!

pdimitar 4y ago

I admit I still don't. Would you try explaining it?

panxyh 4y ago
Then you probably are kind.
jameshush 4y ago
Learn to set boundaries with people. It was easy for me to think I was just being "nice" when in reality I was just bad at setting boundaries. I'm still not the best at setting boundaries, but at least now I recognize after the fact when I let someone over step, compared to when I was younger and just thought it was normal. For anyone curious this book helped me a lot: https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/B072C64V1L/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=boundaries&qid=1664792107&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIzLjUyIiwicXNhIjoiMi44NCIsInFzcCI6IjIuODYifQ%3D%3D&sr=8-1 https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/... especially the story at the very beginning.
- pdimitar 4y ago
  Ouch! I'm going exactly through the same thing right now. Trying to start a business and my cofounder will take absolutely everything that you give him and then demand more. We had several yelling competitions in the last days. Setting boundaries post factum is extremely hard and that is putting it mildly. Indeed, let's call it like it is -- I wasn't being nice; I was being a doormat. Very fresh and painful lessons that are even now still boiling and developing in my brain. Thank you for the advice. Trust me, it hit exactly where you meant it to. With 100% precision.

euroderf 4y ago

I think this might underrate the value of being nice. But, point taken: Don't overdo nice because you feel external pressure to do so. Being kind is necessary and often sufficient.

jrootabega 4y ago

Sounds like the premise of the movie Me, Myself and Irene. I think "nice" vs. "kind" here is just somewhat arbitrary vocabulary. I'm old enough to understand what she means, though. Getting along with someone, or avoiding conflict, doesn't mean you need to internalize it with genuine affection or empathy. If you do that, when your ability to feel that way inside runs out -- and it will -- you'll suddenly find it a lot harder to get along with people.