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Men are being held up to unreasonable emotional standards in general. No weakness, no crying, no feeling like shit ever. These standards lend more and more cre

by sage76 4y ago

Men are being held up to unreasonable emotional standards in general. No weakness, no crying, no feeling like shit ever. These standards lend more and more credence to the thing that Chris Rock said, "Only women and children are loved unconditionally. Men need to provide something to be loved." Of course, these standards are being enforced by men too, not just women. But it does not surprise me that so many men I know have checked out of one or more aspects of life.

leobg 4y ago
What Chris Rock said there is the textbook excuse of a person with an avoidant attachment style: Pushing the other person away and not allowing them to get closer by telling yourself that they can only need you, but never ever love you. If you hear that voice inside of you, it‘s „the devil talking“. I say this as someone who has gone through all of this, and a lot more. Instead of seeing these feelings as proof that the world is out to punish you, it‘s much more useful to see that pain as a signal. A signal that tells you that you‘re likely carrying some deep bullshit around from your past and early childhood. And that dating and relationships are here for you not as consumables to fill a need, or as a measure for your own self-worth, but as a challenge, a „task“ in your life that gives you the chance to grow beyond your childhood patterns, and to take an active role in redefining not only your relationships to „woman“, but to mankind as a whole. If you‘re on HN, you‘re very likely an intelligent, resourceful, curious person. You have most likely solved problems in your life that have been much, much tougher. It would be a pity if you ran away from this one.
- sage76 4y ago
  You should read stories of what happened to a lot of men when they opened up to their wives or other long term partners. It just seems rare that women can maintain attraction after seeing a man be weak and vulnerable.
  - leobg 4y ago
    If anybody has had such a story, feel free to message me and we can talk about it. I won’t claim that this is always the case, but the interpretation that it is opening up and showing vulnerability that is causing a loss of attraction is almost always a misinterpretation. And a very dangerous one at that, because it prevents learning and solidifies the very problem that caused the relationship breakdown in the first place.

by sage76 4y ago

leobg 4y ago

What Chris Rock said there is the textbook excuse of a person with an avoidant attachment style: Pushing the other person away and not allowing them to get closer by telling yourself that they can only need you, but never ever love you. If you hear that voice inside of you, it‘s „the devil talking“. I say this as someone who has gone through all of this, and a lot more. Instead of seeing these feelings as proof that the world is out to punish you, it‘s much more useful to see that pain as a signal. A signal that tells you that you‘re likely carrying some deep bullshit around from your past and early childhood. And that dating and relationships are here for you not as consumables to fill a need, or as a measure for your own self-worth, but as a challenge, a „task“ in your life that gives you the chance to grow beyond your childhood patterns, and to take an active role in redefining not only your relationships to „woman“, but to mankind as a whole. If you‘re on HN, you‘re very likely an intelligent, resourceful, curious person. You have most likely solved problems in your life that have been much, much tougher. It would be a pity if you ran away from this one.

sage76 4y ago
You should read stories of what happened to a lot of men when they opened up to their wives or other long term partners. It just seems rare that women can maintain attraction after seeing a man be weak and vulnerable.
- leobg 4y ago
  If anybody has had such a story, feel free to message me and we can talk about it. I won’t claim that this is always the case, but the interpretation that it is opening up and showing vulnerability that is causing a loss of attraction is almost always a misinterpretation. And a very dangerous one at that, because it prevents learning and solidifies the very problem that caused the relationship breakdown in the first place.