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“You don’t get to choose what other people call you” What? That’s literally the definition of a legal name change, which happens all the time. If someone conti

“You don’t get to choose what other people call you” What? That’s literally the definition of a legal name change, which happens all the time. If someone continued to, intentionally, refer to my wife’s maiden name after she went through the nightmare process of changing it, you can bet she’d be offended, and rightfully so. Being offended by behaviour being done specifically to offend isn’t being coddled or a sign of weakness, and it’s frankly kind of weird that you think it is. Sure, she can’t technically “choose” if someone continues to be a jerk and call her by the wrong name, but the social convention of respecting given names has existed forever, and extending that same logic to pronouns seems like a pretty fair expectation of basic human decency to me. You’re seriously saying that if everyone around you referred to you as “miss” or “ma’am”, forever, that wouldn’t start to get to you? (I’m assuming you’re male, I find it hard to believe a woman would have written this) I’ll believe it when I see it. I’ve met plenty of men who like to think they’re that confident, but yet to meet a man who actually is.

kgwxd 4y ago
> If someone continued to, intentionally, refer to my wife’s maiden name My wife didn’t take my last name, 2 of her aunts keep intentionally sending cards and such, addressed only to her, with my last name. It’s been 13 years.
phpisthebest 4y ago
>>What? That’s literally the definition of a legal name change, which happens all the time. No, that is choosing what the GOVERNMENT calls you, largely for the purpose of ensuring they can extract a large portion of the labor for redistribution. There is nothing requiring me or any other person from using your legal name, and in fact in some situations today using a persons legal name would be met with outrage and offense (i.e dead naming) >If someone continued to, intentionally, .... you can bet she’d be offended Seems like an odd thing to be offended over, maybe annoyed, or even feel disrespected. Offended nah... My first name has a commonly used short name that I dislike, people use it for me all the time but I am not offended by it it is just annoying >extending that same logic to pronouns seems like a pretty fair expectation of basic human decency to me. One big difference in language is pronouns are not directed at the target of their use, where names are. Normal use of pronouns is used when describing a person to a 3rd party. "Go find Jim, he has your report" He/She etc are outward expressions of secondary sex characteristic to aid people in their observation of the world. to use a another example "Go find Sam, she has your report", I would go looking for a human with outwardly female characteristic. where as "Go find Sam, he has your report" I would look for a human with male characteristic. "Go find Sam, they has your report" is not only grammatically incorrect, it gives no indication on the type of human I should be looking for so I would just go down the hallway yelling Sam at everyone >You’re seriously saying that if everyone around you referred to you as “miss” or “ma’am”, forever, that wouldn’t start to get to you? I have a problem if people refer to me as Sir but it has nothing to do with the gender. /s >but yet to meet a man who actually is. Nice to meet you. Call me Ma'am, I dont care. Call me asshole I dont care, call me anything you want except late for dinner
- Eisenstein 4y ago
  > Nice to meet you. Call me Ma'am, I dont care. Call me asshole I dont care, call me anything you want except late for dinner I don't believe you. What if I called you Pedo?
  - phpisthebest 4y ago
    That would be slightly different than mis-gerndering me, or calling me by the wrong name, or using a premarital name wouldnt it? That would be accusing me of crime, and accusing me of victimization of others. These are actions that one would have to take. That is a far different statement than simply calling someone the wrong name, pronoun, etc. One could be arrested, jailed, fired, etc for being a "pedo", Referring to a "they" as "she" or "he" would not result in that person being arrested, jailed or fired. if anything today the person using the incorrect pronoun would have higher legal jeopardy than the person being "mis-gendered" Calling someone Ma'am if they wanted Sir or vice versa is not going to result in the person the incorrect salutation was directed at being fired or jailed Your "gotcha" is both insane and idiotic, raising to the level is disbelief anyone would even make that as a analog comparison
    - Eisenstein 4y ago
      I capitalized it, meaning I would use it as your name, not an accusation.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]

kgwxd 4y ago

> If someone continued to, intentionally, refer to my wife’s maiden name My wife didn’t take my last name, 2 of her aunts keep intentionally sending cards and such, addressed only to her, with my last name. It’s been 13 years.

phpisthebest 4y ago

>>What? That’s literally the definition of a legal name change, which happens all the time. No, that is choosing what the GOVERNMENT calls you, largely for the purpose of ensuring they can extract a large portion of the labor for redistribution. There is nothing requiring me or any other person from using your legal name, and in fact in some situations today using a persons legal name would be met with outrage and offense (i.e dead naming) >If someone continued to, intentionally, .... you can bet she’d be offended Seems like an odd thing to be offended over, maybe annoyed, or even feel disrespected. Offended nah... My first name has a commonly used short name that I dislike, people use it for me all the time but I am not offended by it it is just annoying >extending that same logic to pronouns seems like a pretty fair expectation of basic human decency to me. One big difference in language is pronouns are not directed at the target of their use, where names are. Normal use of pronouns is used when describing a person to a 3rd party. "Go find Jim, he has your report" He/She etc are outward expressions of secondary sex characteristic to aid people in their observation of the world. to use a another example "Go find Sam, she has your report", I would go looking for a human with outwardly female characteristic. where as "Go find Sam, he has your report" I would look for a human with male characteristic. "Go find Sam, they has your report" is not only grammatically incorrect, it gives no indication on the type of human I should be looking for so I would just go down the hallway yelling Sam at everyone >You’re seriously saying that if everyone around you referred to you as “miss” or “ma’am”, forever, that wouldn’t start to get to you? I have a problem if people refer to me as Sir but it has nothing to do with the gender. /s >but yet to meet a man who actually is. Nice to meet you. Call me Ma'am, I dont care. Call me asshole I dont care, call me anything you want except late for dinner

Eisenstein 4y ago
> Nice to meet you. Call me Ma'am, I dont care. Call me asshole I dont care, call me anything you want except late for dinner I don't believe you. What if I called you Pedo?
- phpisthebest 4y ago
  That would be slightly different than mis-gerndering me, or calling me by the wrong name, or using a premarital name wouldnt it? That would be accusing me of crime, and accusing me of victimization of others. These are actions that one would have to take. That is a far different statement than simply calling someone the wrong name, pronoun, etc. One could be arrested, jailed, fired, etc for being a "pedo", Referring to a "they" as "she" or "he" would not result in that person being arrested, jailed or fired. if anything today the person using the incorrect pronoun would have higher legal jeopardy than the person being "mis-gendered" Calling someone Ma'am if they wanted Sir or vice versa is not going to result in the person the incorrect salutation was directed at being fired or jailed Your "gotcha" is both insane and idiotic, raising to the level is disbelief anyone would even make that as a analog comparison
  - Eisenstein 4y ago
    I capitalized it, meaning I would use it as your name, not an accusation.
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]