4 ms·

Her treatment of you is absolutely disgusting. She should be told that in those terms, and you should demand an apology.

atq2119 4y ago
While I agree that nobody should have to put up with that sort of treatment, demanding an apology is not going to work. Couple's therapy might help if you manage to find a good one, but frankly chances are low and he should mentally prepare himself to move out and potentially fight for custody.
- naijaboiler 4y ago
  Or just accept that's his role as man, even though matte modern feminism tries to tell you otherwise
  - atq2119 4y ago
    Some people might be happy with that role, and sure, if it works for them, great! But I do think it's quite reasonable to expect more from life and relationships. Women tend to expect more, and society doesn't tell them not to. It's possible to have a self-consistent worldview that does tell both men and women to expect less, but personally I think that would make for a worse society.
CoastalCoder 4y ago
I'd be curious to hear from an experienced marriage counselor how often this kind of situation can be salvaged.
- CrazyPyroLinux 4y ago
  Not myself, but channeling another: "Research on toxic communication patterns in relationships shows that contempt is an accurate predictor of divorce." https://www.emberrelationshippsychology.com/blog/the-mistake-that-stops-communication https://www.emberrelationshippsychology.com/blog/the-mistake...
hdjjhhvvhga 4y ago
> She should be told that in those terms, and you should demand an apology. And how exactly this should help? It's clearly past that point already.
- anonymoushn 4y ago
  It also doesn't sounds like a sufficiently manly way to address the issue, in his wife's view.
caeril 4y ago
> Her treatment of you is absolutely disgusting I mean, this is par for the course for nearly every married man in the West, myself included. We are objectified as wallets, we are treated very poorly, and when they inevitably leave to "find myself", they collect 50% of the assets we've earned and saved, and we collect 50% of the debts they've racked up in their instagram-influenced spending. You can characterize the situation as "disgusting", but it's reality for millions of us. Reality doesn't care about our moral judgements. It is what it is. The best we can do is attempt to educate our sons on the risks inherent in contractually obligating oneself to people who hate you.
- archagon 4y ago
  Certainly not the case for any of the married couples I know. What a ridiculous assertion.
  - packetlost 4y ago
    Idk, I think it's pretty common. Certainly not for healthy relationships; but I'd wager there are a really really high number of not healthy relationships at any given moment, even if they don't usually last that long. There are toxic people all over the place, and not everyone is good at recognizing toxicity.
    - archagon 4y ago
      While I’m sure you’re right, the comment I replied to specifically said “nearly every married man.” Not to discount the lived experiences of men in this thread, but the discussion in here reeks of bitter manosphere ideology. Maybe people need to stop extrapolating their toxic relationships to an entire gender, or blaming them on biology.
      - packetlost 4y ago
        I would argue that a majority of men have encountered a potential partner that viewed them that way, but yeah applying that to all marriages is just... not even remotely true.

atq2119 4y ago

While I agree that nobody should have to put up with that sort of treatment, demanding an apology is not going to work. Couple's therapy might help if you manage to find a good one, but frankly chances are low and he should mentally prepare himself to move out and potentially fight for custody.

naijaboiler 4y ago
Or just accept that's his role as man, even though matte modern feminism tries to tell you otherwise
- atq2119 4y ago
  Some people might be happy with that role, and sure, if it works for them, great! But I do think it's quite reasonable to expect more from life and relationships. Women tend to expect more, and society doesn't tell them not to. It's possible to have a self-consistent worldview that does tell both men and women to expect less, but personally I think that would make for a worse society.

CoastalCoder 4y ago

I'd be curious to hear from an experienced marriage counselor how often this kind of situation can be salvaged.

CrazyPyroLinux 4y ago
Not myself, but channeling another: "Research on toxic communication patterns in relationships shows that contempt is an accurate predictor of divorce." https://www.emberrelationshippsychology.com/blog/the-mistake-that-stops-communication https://www.emberrelationshippsychology.com/blog/the-mistake...

hdjjhhvvhga 4y ago

> She should be told that in those terms, and you should demand an apology. And how exactly this should help? It's clearly past that point already.

anonymoushn 4y ago
It also doesn't sounds like a sufficiently manly way to address the issue, in his wife's view.

caeril 4y ago

> Her treatment of you is absolutely disgusting I mean, this is par for the course for nearly every married man in the West, myself included. We are objectified as wallets, we are treated very poorly, and when they inevitably leave to "find myself", they collect 50% of the assets we've earned and saved, and we collect 50% of the debts they've racked up in their instagram-influenced spending. You can characterize the situation as "disgusting", but it's reality for millions of us. Reality doesn't care about our moral judgements. It is what it is. The best we can do is attempt to educate our sons on the risks inherent in contractually obligating oneself to people who hate you.

archagon 4y ago
Certainly not the case for any of the married couples I know. What a ridiculous assertion.
- packetlost 4y ago
  Idk, I think it's pretty common. Certainly not for healthy relationships; but I'd wager there are a really really high number of not healthy relationships at any given moment, even if they don't usually last that long. There are toxic people all over the place, and not everyone is good at recognizing toxicity.
  - archagon 4y ago
    While I’m sure you’re right, the comment I replied to specifically said “nearly every married man.” Not to discount the lived experiences of men in this thread, but the discussion in here reeks of bitter manosphere ideology. Maybe people need to stop extrapolating their toxic relationships to an entire gender, or blaming them on biology.
    - packetlost 4y ago
      I would argue that a majority of men have encountered a potential partner that viewed them that way, but yeah applying that to all marriages is just... not even remotely true.