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I don't think having compassion for fat people ever did them any good. That sounds too much like enabling. If you can't bring yourself to criticize fatness,

I don't think having compassion for fat people ever did them any good. That sounds too much like enabling. If you can't bring yourself to criticize fatness, better for you to simply stay silent about it and say nothing.

n4r9 4y ago
It sounds like you're taking compassion to mean simply being nice or polite to someone? That's understandable as it is often used in that way. I could have made it clearer but I was using the more nuanced definition of empathising with and wanting to help someone [0]. In this sense it is not the same thing as enabling or refusing to criticise, since neither of those are helpful. It's more to do with the manner in which you deliver the feedback. For example, suppose you catch yourself being tempted by a box of cookies. You could respond to this in a shame-based manner, or in a compassion-based manner: Shame-based: you're already way too fat. You don't deserve those cookies so you shouldn't have them. It's no wonder you're not getting dates if this is how easily you're tempted. Compassion-based: Wow, yes those cookies do look tasty, and it's no surprise you're tempted since you didn't sleep great last night and had a stressful morning to boot. It's natural and okay to have that desire for satiated fullness! But you don't have to let those feelings define your behaviour. Let's take a step back and think through the consequences of eating those cookies. Sure it will feel good at first. But the chances are that the good feelings will last less than an hour, after which you might feel regret about not sticking to your diet. Is it really worth the trade-off? Suddenly those cookies don't seem so tempting, do they? The problem with shame-based feedback is that it simply adds to the negative feelings that a fat person is already likely to be having. Think of obesity and over-eating as an addiction to eating, on the same level as an addiction to gambling, drugs, or pornography. The behaviour is a crux, a way to get nice feeling in the short-term to avoid the work of dealing with difficult feelings. Over time, one's fear of those difficult feelings and dependence on the quick-fix grows. Adding another difficult feeling into the mix might help alleviate the behaviour in the short term, but won't reduce the emotional suffering or provide any basis for which to start learning to deal with the deeper cause. [0] https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/compassion/definition https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/compassion/definition

n4r9 4y ago

It sounds like you're taking compassion to mean simply being nice or polite to someone? That's understandable as it is often used in that way. I could have made it clearer but I was using the more nuanced definition of empathising with and wanting to help someone [0]. In this sense it is not the same thing as enabling or refusing to criticise, since neither of those are helpful. It's more to do with the manner in which you deliver the feedback. For example, suppose you catch yourself being tempted by a box of cookies. You could respond to this in a shame-based manner, or in a compassion-based manner: Shame-based: you're already way too fat. You don't deserve those cookies so you shouldn't have them. It's no wonder you're not getting dates if this is how easily you're tempted. Compassion-based: Wow, yes those cookies do look tasty, and it's no surprise you're tempted since you didn't sleep great last night and had a stressful morning to boot. It's natural and okay to have that desire for satiated fullness! But you don't have to let those feelings define your behaviour. Let's take a step back and think through the consequences of eating those cookies. Sure it will feel good at first. But the chances are that the good feelings will last less than an hour, after which you might feel regret about not sticking to your diet. Is it really worth the trade-off? Suddenly those cookies don't seem so tempting, do they? The problem with shame-based feedback is that it simply adds to the negative feelings that a fat person is already likely to be having. Think of obesity and over-eating as an addiction to eating, on the same level as an addiction to gambling, drugs, or pornography. The behaviour is a crux, a way to get nice feeling in the short-term to avoid the work of dealing with difficult feelings. Over time, one's fear of those difficult feelings and dependence on the quick-fix grows. Adding another difficult feeling into the mix might help alleviate the behaviour in the short term, but won't reduce the emotional suffering or provide any basis for which to start learning to deal with the deeper cause. [0] https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/compassion/definition https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/compassion/definition