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I like to think about "Questions nobody wants honest answers to." So here is one, and you can perform an experiment: Go to some kind of forum, maybe Reddit or

I like to think about "Questions nobody wants honest answers to." So here is one, and you can perform an experiment: Go to some kind of forum, maybe Reddit or Quora or Metafilter (just kidding don't do Metafilter unless you are a masochist) and ask the question, "Where can I, as a single hetero male, go to approach women?" My prediction is that you'll get some "OMG DON'T!" responses, and a lot of "where NOT to," which does not answer the actual question. For there to be relationships and/or sex, somebody has to make the approach, and that means a location in spacetime, a where and a when. The workplace, previously one of the largest places where this occurred, has been ruled out, which is a bit troublesome given that most people spend a rather large percentage of their time there. Oh, we kinda stopped going to church, so that is out. Bowling alone ... uh ... then maybe you ask about the library and someone will say "I'm just there to study" or a bar and it becomes "I'm just there to hang out with my friends." Always in the negative. Where are these approaches to take place? Have we collectively decided to hand this over to match.com, Tinder, Grindr, whatever, and now it is all online? If relationships and sex were food and water, there's chunk of people who would expect you to politely starve to death and not make a lot of noise about it.

haunter 4y ago
>Where can I, as a single hetero male, go to approach women https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/vw4cw1/places_to_approach_women/ https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/vw4cw1/places... https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/t4il6w/what_are_the_acceptable_places_to_approach_women/ https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/t4il6w/what_are_the... https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jtii14/women_of_reddit_where_is_a_good_place_for_a_guy/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jtii14/women_of_... https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/ipdr0k/is_there_any_way_to_meet_women_besides_online/ https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/ipdr0k/is_th... https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/sn08h/ladies_when_and_where_is_it_ok_to_approach_you/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/sn08h/ladies_when... https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/v1nqha/should_men_still_approach_women_in_person_in/ https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/v1nqha/should_men_s... On a personal note I have 3 sisters and I've always heard from them (and their friends) that a lot of women actually disappointed that men doesn't approach them irl. It's a 2 way game for sure but generally men expected to take the first step for sure. But on the other hand there is also a social pressure to "not fuck up", everything is online nowadays and pretty much kept forever. No one wants to be labeled as a creep or such. So a lot of men just choose to not play the game, why risk to lose when you barely have any chance to win at all?
popularonion 4y ago
One thing I want to add that online people always say is “join a hobby group”, but most hobbies that young people actually want to do are extremely skewed to one gender. Think yoga vs kickboxing. I did meetup.com for a few years, and the non-tech groups I joined were basically all 20-something single guys and 40-plus divorced women. Looking back it’s no surprise I gave up on it. I had the best time joining something that was like a Rotary Club but they let in anyone who was willing to pay dues. I guess joining something with long term projects and monthly board meetings provides at least some slight potential to get to know someone who happens to be single.
- Apocryphon 4y ago
  Is yoga really skewed? And fitness classes alone have tons of varieties that are popular among both genders- spin class, Crossfit, BodyPump, and so on.
  - dfxm12 4y ago
    I walk by both a kickboxing gym and a yoga studio regularly. Classes appear to be probably 60/40 at most one way or the other. Of course, these are just 2 data points...
  - popularonion 4y ago
    When I dabbled in yoga I always saw a ratio of like 15 women to 3 men. Of course those were beginner classes, and I’m sure things could be different in high level classes and online yoga forums. Fitness classes aren’t really set up to be social, everyone shows up right before it starts, does their 30-40 minutes of exercise with loud music playing, then everyone goes home. Probably better to join a coed sports league with a group of your friends.
    - Apocryphon 4y ago
      > Fitness classes aren’t really set up to be social Sure, but I don't see how yoga or kickboxing is much different. I've known at least one marriage met through coed sports. Agreed that's an activity with more interaction.
saila 4y ago
Asking this question on the internet is an interesting experiment, but it's not going to give you an accurate depiction of real life. You can still ask people out at bars or even grocery stores, etc. The key is to strike up a conversation and not be so intent on asking someone out. If there's some chemistry, then maybe you ask them out. If you get rejected, take it in stride. If you go in with the singular goal of getting a date or hooking up, there's a good chance that you'll come across as desperate and end up disappointed, but if you go in thinking about having fun and making friends, that can open new doors.
karmakurtisaani 4y ago
I think the question is simply wrong. If there was such a place as an easy answer, it would soon be full of men seeking women. The answer thus is basically: everywhere where you're confident to make a connection with the opposite sex without making it awkward. I.e., learn to make yourself attractive and flirt.
Apocryphon 4y ago
MeFi is really not as unsympathetic to straight dudes as you think it is https://ask.metafilter.com/357569/Beyond-dating-apps-how-to-meet-new-people-or-partners-around-Brooklyn https://ask.metafilter.com/357569/Beyond-dating-apps-how-to-... https://ask.metafilter.com/355041/Mid-30s-app-dating-post-COVID https://ask.metafilter.com/355041/Mid-30s-app-dating-post-CO... https://ask.metafilter.com/305919/I-dont-think-that-online-dating-is-for-me-What-now https://ask.metafilter.com/305919/I-dont-think-that-online-d...
candybar 4y ago
This is a very strange comment - the modern world is historically friendly to a single man approaching women. In fact prior to online dating, a lot of people would've pointed this out as a reason as to why dating is harder in the modern world, because people have too many choices. The same complaint that people have about online dating applies more generally to any situation where it's relatively easy for single men to approach women. Historically, romantic relationships didn't rely on these cold approaches because a lot of people met their partners by introduction and/or through the romantic relationship evolving from acquaintance/friendship.

haunter 4y ago

>Where can I, as a single hetero male, go to approach women https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/vw4cw1/places_to_approach_women/ https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/vw4cw1/places... https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/t4il6w/what_are_the_acceptable_places_to_approach_women/ https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/t4il6w/what_are_the... https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jtii14/women_of_reddit_where_is_a_good_place_for_a_guy/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jtii14/women_of_... https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/ipdr0k/is_there_any_way_to_meet_women_besides_online/ https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/ipdr0k/is_th... https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/sn08h/ladies_when_and_where_is_it_ok_to_approach_you/ https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/sn08h/ladies_when... https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/v1nqha/should_men_still_approach_women_in_person_in/ https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/v1nqha/should_men_s... On a personal note I have 3 sisters and I've always heard from them (and their friends) that a lot of women actually disappointed that men doesn't approach them irl. It's a 2 way game for sure but generally men expected to take the first step for sure. But on the other hand there is also a social pressure to "not fuck up", everything is online nowadays and pretty much kept forever. No one wants to be labeled as a creep or such. So a lot of men just choose to not play the game, why risk to lose when you barely have any chance to win at all?

popularonion 4y ago

One thing I want to add that online people always say is “join a hobby group”, but most hobbies that young people actually want to do are extremely skewed to one gender. Think yoga vs kickboxing. I did meetup.com for a few years, and the non-tech groups I joined were basically all 20-something single guys and 40-plus divorced women. Looking back it’s no surprise I gave up on it. I had the best time joining something that was like a Rotary Club but they let in anyone who was willing to pay dues. I guess joining something with long term projects and monthly board meetings provides at least some slight potential to get to know someone who happens to be single.

Apocryphon 4y ago
Is yoga really skewed? And fitness classes alone have tons of varieties that are popular among both genders- spin class, Crossfit, BodyPump, and so on.
- dfxm12 4y ago
  I walk by both a kickboxing gym and a yoga studio regularly. Classes appear to be probably 60/40 at most one way or the other. Of course, these are just 2 data points...
- popularonion 4y ago
  When I dabbled in yoga I always saw a ratio of like 15 women to 3 men. Of course those were beginner classes, and I’m sure things could be different in high level classes and online yoga forums. Fitness classes aren’t really set up to be social, everyone shows up right before it starts, does their 30-40 minutes of exercise with loud music playing, then everyone goes home. Probably better to join a coed sports league with a group of your friends.
  - Apocryphon 4y ago
    > Fitness classes aren’t really set up to be social Sure, but I don't see how yoga or kickboxing is much different. I've known at least one marriage met through coed sports. Agreed that's an activity with more interaction.

saila 4y ago

Asking this question on the internet is an interesting experiment, but it's not going to give you an accurate depiction of real life. You can still ask people out at bars or even grocery stores, etc. The key is to strike up a conversation and not be so intent on asking someone out. If there's some chemistry, then maybe you ask them out. If you get rejected, take it in stride. If you go in with the singular goal of getting a date or hooking up, there's a good chance that you'll come across as desperate and end up disappointed, but if you go in thinking about having fun and making friends, that can open new doors.

karmakurtisaani 4y ago

I think the question is simply wrong. If there was such a place as an easy answer, it would soon be full of men seeking women. The answer thus is basically: everywhere where you're confident to make a connection with the opposite sex without making it awkward. I.e., learn to make yourself attractive and flirt.

Apocryphon 4y ago

MeFi is really not as unsympathetic to straight dudes as you think it is https://ask.metafilter.com/357569/Beyond-dating-apps-how-to-meet-new-people-or-partners-around-Brooklyn https://ask.metafilter.com/357569/Beyond-dating-apps-how-to-... https://ask.metafilter.com/355041/Mid-30s-app-dating-post-COVID https://ask.metafilter.com/355041/Mid-30s-app-dating-post-CO... https://ask.metafilter.com/305919/I-dont-think-that-online-dating-is-for-me-What-now https://ask.metafilter.com/305919/I-dont-think-that-online-d...

candybar 4y ago

This is a very strange comment - the modern world is historically friendly to a single man approaching women. In fact prior to online dating, a lot of people would've pointed this out as a reason as to why dating is harder in the modern world, because people have too many choices. The same complaint that people have about online dating applies more generally to any situation where it's relatively easy for single men to approach women. Historically, romantic relationships didn't rely on these cold approaches because a lot of people met their partners by introduction and/or through the romantic relationship evolving from acquaintance/friendship.