16 ms·

Dated a therapist who was adamant she could only see 15-20 people a week and still give quality care; built her schedule around making sure she had adequate bre

Dated a therapist who was adamant she could only see 15-20 people a week and still give quality care; built her schedule around making sure she had adequate breaks because it felt irresponsible to her, otherwise. Anything past that it was a plaster-on empathetic smile and “that sounds hard, tell me more.”

sillysaurusx 4y ago
My therapist is also married to a therapist, and although this isn't quite relevant, it was really cute hearing that they "therapy each other to death" when they have marital problems. For what it's worth, my therapist felt pretty genuine. One thing that helped is to actually ask about his day, and how he's been. I think he was surprised I cared. Another thing that helps is that BetterHelp makes it effortless to try out someone new. Maybe we've been lucky, but me and two other people haven't needed this feature; we all stuck with the first one we matched with. But it's there if you need it.
- roflc0ptic 4y ago
  Yeah dating novice therapists is bad because they are still trying on the tools and they’ve got a neophytes zeal, dating experienced therapists is bad because they’ve integrated the tools so much that it’s hard recognize when they’re pulling them out. Being wrong and very skillful at pushing your viewpoint can feel pretty isomorphic to gaslighting in the right circumstances.
  - roflc0ptic 4y ago
    Tho upside is they sometimes have good self knowledge and insight into other people. Naturally YMMV on all points
bitL 4y ago
What if you destroy your therapist by asking unsolvable but grave questions you entertain? Are there any meta-therapists for therapists?
- zwkrt 4y ago
  There are, but the idea that a therapist will be destroyed by your super duper nihilistic puzzle questions is not very realistic. The position of "client thinks their problems are so big and so unique that I won't be able to understand them" is one that is studied by mental health professionals and is actually pretty easy to deal with (although hard to resolve). Therapists get burnt out by listening helplessly to people with real problems in their life like abuse and addiction and poverty. Being able to navel gaze about the meaninglessness of the universe means you're in a pretty cushy spot.
  - fluoridation 4y ago
    An "unsolvable and grave question" doesn't have to be philosophical. "I'm unhappy with my life and I feel trapped by my responsibility to my family, and I wish I could fall asleep and wake up in a different life" is quite tricky, and I doubt anyone would say such a person is in a "cushy spot".
  - bitL 4y ago
    I meant existential stuff like this: "I am frustrated by the ongoing war that could have been easily prevented and seeing friends dying every day, including your family, just to increase amount of green paper in somebody's pockets; this doesn't cheer me up. The thought how helpless I am in the face of this is crushing me. I won't even be able to understand my own life, nobody around me will reach their true potential and will be just left to slowly die. All you can give me is just a short-term band-aid we both understand won't change anything." You can go arbitrarily deep to make the therapist question their standing in life depending on their sensitivity.
    - germinalphrase 4y ago
      Not to diminish the concerns, but that is not particularly tough material as therapeutic conversations go.
      - bitL 4y ago
the_only_law 4y ago
I learned of a therapist in my area that apparently doesn’t allow patients to use insurance, you have to pay out of pocket for everything. Apparently, this allows them to have longer sessions with individuals. I’m not sure how often they will typically see a patient, but if it’s anything more that once a month it would be expensive as hell at the rates they listed.
- Eleison23 4y ago
  I've surveyed many therapists recently and I've found many who are like this. And it's a good thing; if you don't accept insurance then you aren't beholden to their terms and diagnostic criteria and policies which can all be very troublesome and present obstacles to healing. I am a member of a Christian Health Sharing ministry which is not insurance, so they work with my therapists to share the costs. My mental and medical health costs are shared by other Christians in a community of mutual support, rather than being bankrolled by insurance company premiums. And all I need to do is arrange "self-pay" terms with the provider and have the bills sent to the ministry! Even though it is not insurance, health sharing ministry members are exempted from the tax on Americans who do not carry health insurance. It's a pretty sweet deal; my monthly shared amount is about half of the premiums for a "catastrophic" Obamacare plan found on the market.

sillysaurusx 4y ago

My therapist is also married to a therapist, and although this isn't quite relevant, it was really cute hearing that they "therapy each other to death" when they have marital problems. For what it's worth, my therapist felt pretty genuine. One thing that helped is to actually ask about his day, and how he's been. I think he was surprised I cared. Another thing that helps is that BetterHelp makes it effortless to try out someone new. Maybe we've been lucky, but me and two other people haven't needed this feature; we all stuck with the first one we matched with. But it's there if you need it.

roflc0ptic 4y ago
Yeah dating novice therapists is bad because they are still trying on the tools and they’ve got a neophytes zeal, dating experienced therapists is bad because they’ve integrated the tools so much that it’s hard recognize when they’re pulling them out. Being wrong and very skillful at pushing your viewpoint can feel pretty isomorphic to gaslighting in the right circumstances.
- roflc0ptic 4y ago
  Tho upside is they sometimes have good self knowledge and insight into other people. Naturally YMMV on all points

bitL 4y ago

What if you destroy your therapist by asking unsolvable but grave questions you entertain? Are there any meta-therapists for therapists?

zwkrt 4y ago
There are, but the idea that a therapist will be destroyed by your super duper nihilistic puzzle questions is not very realistic. The position of "client thinks their problems are so big and so unique that I won't be able to understand them" is one that is studied by mental health professionals and is actually pretty easy to deal with (although hard to resolve). Therapists get burnt out by listening helplessly to people with real problems in their life like abuse and addiction and poverty. Being able to navel gaze about the meaninglessness of the universe means you're in a pretty cushy spot.
- fluoridation 4y ago
  An "unsolvable and grave question" doesn't have to be philosophical. "I'm unhappy with my life and I feel trapped by my responsibility to my family, and I wish I could fall asleep and wake up in a different life" is quite tricky, and I doubt anyone would say such a person is in a "cushy spot".
- bitL 4y ago
  I meant existential stuff like this: "I am frustrated by the ongoing war that could have been easily prevented and seeing friends dying every day, including your family, just to increase amount of green paper in somebody's pockets; this doesn't cheer me up. The thought how helpless I am in the face of this is crushing me. I won't even be able to understand my own life, nobody around me will reach their true potential and will be just left to slowly die. All you can give me is just a short-term band-aid we both understand won't change anything." You can go arbitrarily deep to make the therapist question their standing in life depending on their sensitivity.
  - germinalphrase 4y ago
    Not to diminish the concerns, but that is not particularly tough material as therapeutic conversations go.
    - bitL 4y ago

the_only_law 4y ago

I learned of a therapist in my area that apparently doesn’t allow patients to use insurance, you have to pay out of pocket for everything. Apparently, this allows them to have longer sessions with individuals. I’m not sure how often they will typically see a patient, but if it’s anything more that once a month it would be expensive as hell at the rates they listed.

Eleison23 4y ago
I've surveyed many therapists recently and I've found many who are like this. And it's a good thing; if you don't accept insurance then you aren't beholden to their terms and diagnostic criteria and policies which can all be very troublesome and present obstacles to healing. I am a member of a Christian Health Sharing ministry which is not insurance, so they work with my therapists to share the costs. My mental and medical health costs are shared by other Christians in a community of mutual support, rather than being bankrolled by insurance company premiums. And all I need to do is arrange "self-pay" terms with the provider and have the bills sent to the ministry! Even though it is not insurance, health sharing ministry members are exempted from the tax on Americans who do not carry health insurance. It's a pretty sweet deal; my monthly shared amount is about half of the premiums for a "catastrophic" Obamacare plan found on the market.