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Something reading this reminds me of is “Golden Child Syndrome” In dysfunctional family dynamics, children take on different roles that persist into adulthood.

Something reading this reminds me of is “Golden Child Syndrome” In dysfunctional family dynamics, children take on different roles that persist into adulthood. Some children are always scapegoated for the family’s problems. But others are the “golden child” who feels their love depends on their personal success. Parents project their needs and own personal shortcomings onto this kid, and the kid can feel like they carry the burden of the whole family’s success on their shoulders. It’s pernicious. I feel it drives a lot of people that are obsessed with work. In my family there’s clearly a dynamic where my Dad uses my success to “brag” about how well we’re doing to his own siblings or friends. As if I’m the exemplar of the families success My other siblings are mentioned less. It’s a lot of pressure, and I’ve learned that it’s his issue, bot mine. But it took a lot of work.

worker767424 4y ago
In college, I was diagnosed with Aspberger's. Later, after seeing a student therapist few a years, the therapist and their supervisor (and actual psychologist) didn't think I do. It made me wonder if the original diagnosis was the lazy, obvious one, and something else is going on. I wasn't a "golden child," but growing up, the thing adults praised me for was my intelligence. Not being in a good school district, I skipped a grade. Thinking about the different opinions of the therapists, I wonder if my emotional immaturity relative to my peers, always being eager to show off my intelligence, and disadvantage at sports isolated me from my peers, hurting my social development.
throwawaybro 4y ago
Interesting. As anecdata, my brother and I are the exact opposite. He was always the Golden Child, and I the scapegoat. He turned out as - what I think normal people expect this child to turn out as - somewhat spoiled & entitled, and less ambitious. As a result, he ended up not being very successful. I on the other hand, am doing much much better. My brother is - without doubt - substantially smarter than me. But this dynamic did not appear to work in his favor. I imagine this dynamic is mostly random noise. I just wanted to give a piece of anecdata to support it's probably random noise.

worker767424 4y ago

In college, I was diagnosed with Aspberger's. Later, after seeing a student therapist few a years, the therapist and their supervisor (and actual psychologist) didn't think I do. It made me wonder if the original diagnosis was the lazy, obvious one, and something else is going on. I wasn't a "golden child," but growing up, the thing adults praised me for was my intelligence. Not being in a good school district, I skipped a grade. Thinking about the different opinions of the therapists, I wonder if my emotional immaturity relative to my peers, always being eager to show off my intelligence, and disadvantage at sports isolated me from my peers, hurting my social development.

throwawaybro 4y ago

Interesting. As anecdata, my brother and I are the exact opposite. He was always the Golden Child, and I the scapegoat. He turned out as - what I think normal people expect this child to turn out as - somewhat spoiled & entitled, and less ambitious. As a result, he ended up not being very successful. I on the other hand, am doing much much better. My brother is - without doubt - substantially smarter than me. But this dynamic did not appear to work in his favor. I imagine this dynamic is mostly random noise. I just wanted to give a piece of anecdata to support it's probably random noise.