Alien: So what is your first month? Human: January A: And why is it called that? H: It's named for the god Janus. A: Ah yes, many civilizations name their t

Alien: So what is your first month? Human: January A: And why is it called that? H: It's named for the god Janus. A: Ah yes, many civilizations name their time divisions after deities, what is he the god of? H: I don't know, we don't worship him anymore. A: Ahh so you guys have moved past your need for religion H: No, no, we still worship gods, just different ones. A: Okay then, how about February, what god is that month named for? H: Actually February is named for the festival of februalia. A: Oh can you tell me a little more about this festival? H: No, we don't celebrate it. A: Are there any months that aren't named for gods you don't worship or festivals you don't celebrate? H: There's July, named for Julius Caesar, a ruler. A: Oh he must have been one of your best rulers to get a month named after him, what is he so notable for? H: We stabbed him. A: ... H: A lot. A: ...was he stabbed in July? H: No, we stabbed him in March. A: Okay are there any months not named for gods you don't worship, festivals you don't celebrate, or rulers you don't like? H: Well October just means eight. A: Finally, something that makes sense! Okay so your eighth month is just eight- H: Tenth. A: What? H: October is our tenth month. A: Why wouldn't you name your eighth month October? H: We named that one after a guy. A: What was his name? H: Octavian, which coincidentally translates to eighth. A: Don't tell me you have both an October and an Octover... H: Don't be silly, no we named it August. A: I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and guess August doesn't mean eight, does it? H: Nah it means first. A: Yeah, we're not letting you into our galactic federation.