4 ms·

It's probably just me (I'm probably neurodivergent in some way) but in discussions like this people keep using the word "attractive" and I honestly have no idea

by bloak 4y ago

It's probably just me (I'm probably neurodivergent in some way) but in discussions like this people keep using the word "attractive" and I honestly have no idea what they mean by that word. If you showed me two photographs of people and asked me which looks more "intelligent", which looks more "wise", which looks more "honest", which looks more "friendly", which looks more "approachable", or dozens of questions like that, I could have a go at answering the question. But if you asked me which looks more "attractive" I would have no idea how to answer. Would I understand the question if it were phrased differently, or is the concept itself something that I have for some reason never acquired? Does anyone else have this problem, or is it really just me? (Sorry if this is a little bit off-topic: of course the original question doesn't use the word "attractive".)

SturgeonsLaw 4y ago
Someone you'd want to have sex with, not to put to fine a point on it...
- Bakary 4y ago
  That's not a sufficient criteria because people can tell if their competitors are attractive ar not
  - barry-cotter 4y ago
    Male taste in men and female taste in men are not the same. Straight men and most gay men think muscle bound manly men with chiselled jaws are the hotness. Lots of women like KPop androgynes. Lots more men be ‘mirin a guy who has big muscles than women.
    - Bakary 4y ago
      Even taking this into account, it's still possible to determine or sense the attractiveness of most attractive competitors. At least to the point where sexual attraction cannot be the sole criteria
- Tangurena2 4y ago
  For asexual people, this question gets asked a lot, and it drives us nuts - because that desire just routes to /dev/null.
  - Bakary 4y ago
    You can understand that someone is physically attractive without being sexually attracted to them.
  - colinmhayes 4y ago
    Same is true for psychopaths, but many are good at pretending. Just have to observe and find the patterns.
Bakary 4y ago
When you look at pictures of models/actors juxtaposed with average people you honestly do not see a trend? What about someone who is disfigured and someone who is not?
andrewmackrodt 4y ago
I would imagine you have some concept of this, for many, symmetrical features is attractive. There are other more obvious factors too, e.g. a chubby face (typically due to high body fat percentage) would be seen as less healthy/desirable/attractive. Attractiveness describes the perception of success (friendships, health, career etc) based on physical appearance and the likelihood of passing these traits to offspring.
okaram 4y ago
There's two meanings to attractive... One is you like them physically, another is 'a lot of people would like them', or more prosaically, 'a lot of people would like to have sex with them'. You can see who other people are attractive (either famous or around you), and infer from there.
- bloak 4y ago
  > There's two meanings to attractive... One is you like them physically, another is 'a lot of people would like them', or more prosaically, 'a lot of people would like to have sex with them'. OK, that makes sense. Perhaps I can't apply the second criterion because I'm too uninterested in who other people want to have sex with: see my reply to rchaud. But I seem to have a problem with the first criterion, too. Lack of imagination, perhaps? I can't/don't think about having sex with someone unless I've already done it or have come quite close? Or perhaps I'm just non-visual? (I'm a bit face-blind.) So if you were to show me a selection of women of child-bearing age with no obvious signs of ill-health and ask me which I'd most like to have sex with then my reply would be either (1) none of them, because none of them is my wife, dur, or (2), in a different era or parallel universe, all of them, in any order, and then I can perhaps tell you which I prefer, because, as far as I'm concerned, a large proportion of the female population tie for first place when it comes to looks. (Though only a tiny proportion of them have a really nice voice: I'd probably find it a lot easier to pick a favourite voice from a set of recordings.) So I hope I'm never a subject in a psychology experiment that requires me to rate how "attractive" people are from a picture. In most cases I just can't do it.
rchaud 4y ago
You are describing "attractiveness" as a quality that reveals itself over time, like wisdom, honesty, friendliness, etc. Everyone else is using 'attractive' here to mean "attractive according to the beauty standards of the dominant culture in which I live".
- bloak 4y ago
  > Everyone else is using 'attractive' here to mean "attractive according to the beauty standards of the dominant culture in which I live" OK, that makes sense, and if that's what they mean, perhaps it explains my problem: I've never taken sufficient interest in other people's ideas about beauty. I can take a casual interest in what other people look like, and I can care about what other people think about some specific questions, but what other people think about what other people look like is a bridge too far for me!

by bloak 4y ago

SturgeonsLaw 4y ago

Someone you'd want to have sex with, not to put to fine a point on it...

Bakary 4y ago
That's not a sufficient criteria because people can tell if their competitors are attractive ar not
- barry-cotter 4y ago
  Male taste in men and female taste in men are not the same. Straight men and most gay men think muscle bound manly men with chiselled jaws are the hotness. Lots of women like KPop androgynes. Lots more men be ‘mirin a guy who has big muscles than women.
  - Bakary 4y ago
    Even taking this into account, it's still possible to determine or sense the attractiveness of most attractive competitors. At least to the point where sexual attraction cannot be the sole criteria
Tangurena2 4y ago
For asexual people, this question gets asked a lot, and it drives us nuts - because that desire just routes to /dev/null.
- Bakary 4y ago
  You can understand that someone is physically attractive without being sexually attracted to them.
- colinmhayes 4y ago
  Same is true for psychopaths, but many are good at pretending. Just have to observe and find the patterns.

Bakary 4y ago

When you look at pictures of models/actors juxtaposed with average people you honestly do not see a trend? What about someone who is disfigured and someone who is not?

andrewmackrodt 4y ago

I would imagine you have some concept of this, for many, symmetrical features is attractive. There are other more obvious factors too, e.g. a chubby face (typically due to high body fat percentage) would be seen as less healthy/desirable/attractive. Attractiveness describes the perception of success (friendships, health, career etc) based on physical appearance and the likelihood of passing these traits to offspring.

okaram 4y ago

There's two meanings to attractive... One is you like them physically, another is 'a lot of people would like them', or more prosaically, 'a lot of people would like to have sex with them'. You can see who other people are attractive (either famous or around you), and infer from there.

bloak 4y ago
> There's two meanings to attractive... One is you like them physically, another is 'a lot of people would like them', or more prosaically, 'a lot of people would like to have sex with them'. OK, that makes sense. Perhaps I can't apply the second criterion because I'm too uninterested in who other people want to have sex with: see my reply to rchaud. But I seem to have a problem with the first criterion, too. Lack of imagination, perhaps? I can't/don't think about having sex with someone unless I've already done it or have come quite close? Or perhaps I'm just non-visual? (I'm a bit face-blind.) So if you were to show me a selection of women of child-bearing age with no obvious signs of ill-health and ask me which I'd most like to have sex with then my reply would be either (1) none of them, because none of them is my wife, dur, or (2), in a different era or parallel universe, all of them, in any order, and then I can perhaps tell you which I prefer, because, as far as I'm concerned, a large proportion of the female population tie for first place when it comes to looks. (Though only a tiny proportion of them have a really nice voice: I'd probably find it a lot easier to pick a favourite voice from a set of recordings.) So I hope I'm never a subject in a psychology experiment that requires me to rate how "attractive" people are from a picture. In most cases I just can't do it.

rchaud 4y ago

You are describing "attractiveness" as a quality that reveals itself over time, like wisdom, honesty, friendliness, etc. Everyone else is using 'attractive' here to mean "attractive according to the beauty standards of the dominant culture in which I live".

bloak 4y ago
> Everyone else is using 'attractive' here to mean "attractive according to the beauty standards of the dominant culture in which I live" OK, that makes sense, and if that's what they mean, perhaps it explains my problem: I've never taken sufficient interest in other people's ideas about beauty. I can take a casual interest in what other people look like, and I can care about what other people think about some specific questions, but what other people think about what other people look like is a bridge too far for me!