Let go of imagined extrinsic responsibility and resolved to live as cockroaches do. Why should I kill myself, let others kill me if I'm such a burden I imagined

Let go of imagined extrinsic responsibility and resolved to live as cockroaches do. Why should I kill myself, let others kill me if I'm such a burden I imagined myself to be in my depression. Since then I've become paranoid that meme-complexes are independent, malevolent agents.