I would recommend seeking a competent and honest therapist or religious advisor because it is very unlikely you can overcome this alone given how this has, by y

I would recommend seeking a competent and honest therapist or religious advisor because it is very unlikely you can overcome this alone given how this has, by your own admission, been a lifelong problem. I don't think it is wise to seek serious advice for what is a mental, spiritual, and/or moral issue in an online forum. Not only do we not know you well enough to advise you properly, but the likelihood that you'll receive advice that will help you is rather low. It might even help having something who keep you accountable. For example, we don't even know why you are avoiding social interaction, and you may not consciously know it either. What sorts of vices are you enslaved to that keep you stuck? What sorts of destructive habits from childhood are you trapped by? Do you have a temperamental disposition for melancholy? FWIW, depression, which is what it seems you have, can involve avoiding truths, including those about oneself, that are uncomfortable or painful. This is pride, which is opposed to humility (i.e., rational, honest self-appraisal and self-assessment; emotions are not the best guide). Pride is the mother vice from which all other vices spring. In retrospect, it is not surprising. Life lived in opposition to the truth is a recipe for misery, boredom, stagnation, nihilism, and insanity. Happier is the man who passes through the meat grinder that is life than the man who seals himself off in a padded cell, wasting his life in the process. It is better for the wolves to tear you to shreds than to rot under a rock; for others to destroy you than for you to destroy yourself. Indeed, a man can inflict categorically worse harms on himself than anyone else can which are superficial abrasions in comparison.