Agree, I've found over the years that whatever professional service you seek rarely will you find the right person the first try. Specially if you need someone

Agree, I've found over the years that whatever professional service you seek rarely will you find the right person the first try. Specially if you need someone over the long term. OP, your post is the starting point. Now you'll need to seek a professional that can help you. I would also seek a support group the meets regularly and VERY important, start a diary where you can write down what you are feeling and what you think will help you fix it. Do it at least once a week. Specially when you are having the strongest feelings. This will help you articulate what you are feeling so you can discuss it with some one else. Keep in mind that being alone is a nice feeling for you but that does not mean it has to be 100% of the time. Think about it in terms of sweets. Most of us love sweets but we would never change our live so that we only eat sweets.