I have noticed that when I am in a lonely or sad phase, I start to fixate on it more, so it then becomes more of a thing, a la William James “My experience is w

I have noticed that when I am in a lonely or sad phase, I start to fixate on it more, so it then becomes more of a thing, a la William James “My experience is what I agree to attend to.” Trying to figure out the WHY (which is unanswerable, and our minds hate an open question) and the HOW TO FIX is still fixating on it and reinforcing it. So I had to stop that (after enough therapy to understand my basic wiring). What helps me is guided meditations on first relaxing any tension and then imagining the way I want to feel. Sprouting those connections instead of re-running the neural ruts related to the way I don't want to feel.