I agree with sibling comments that you should talk to a therapist about this. My layperson understanding is that this seems like depression, but obviously take

I agree with sibling comments that you should talk to a therapist about this. My layperson understanding is that this seems like depression, but obviously take that with a grain of salt. If it is depression, there are a number of ways forward that can help, and they mostly start with finding a trained therapist to correctly identify what's going on.