I made this comment on a different thread so i'm reposting it here where theres a more active conversation. --- Wow... Generic marching band music, plus high

I made this comment on a different thread so i'm reposting it here where theres a more active conversation. --- Wow... Generic marching band music, plus high school poetry assignment level lyrics. "I want it to rhyme, but it cant be too obvious or I might look stupid" ... Setup obvious rhyme, subvert expectation, use clumsy/forced alternative to rhyme with what you subverted first rhyme with. We're the mighty watchful eye, Guardians beyond the blue, The invisible front line, Warfighters brave and true. Boldly reaching into space, there's no limit to our sky. Standing guard both night and day, We're the Space Force from on high. I'm not that much of a poet or songwriter but its screaming for a re-write. Heres my take... We're the mighty watchful eye, Guardians beyond the sky, The dark beyond the blue, Warfighters brave and true. Boldly reaching into space, there's no limit to our sky. Standing guard of everyplace, We're the Space Force from on high. Feels a bit less forced, and I tried to keep the pace of the second verse, which was tricky since a lot of words that rhyme with space sound wrong over the music.