4 ms·

To defeat the fear: I wouldn't recommend a book or a class. Instead find the best negotator you can and spar with them until you get over the anxiety. Find some

To defeat the fear: I wouldn't recommend a book or a class. Instead find the best negotator you can and spar with them until you get over the anxiety. Find something arbitrary to negotiate over like who's buying lunch (I'll buy drinks if you buy appetizer etc...). Once you've got the basics go to a car dealership and haggle with the sales guys. See what works to get you the lowest price. They are skilled negotiators and will talk to you for free. Alternatively, go on a few job interviews where you have no intention of accepting the position. Since you have nothing to lose, push salary negotiations HARD. See what it will take to have someone actually rescind an offer. Finally ask for a raise at your current job. Don't worry, even the big toughguy negotiators had to learn the process and were afraid of it at some point too. I've negotated 50% increases at three different employers (two during intial hire, one as a raise) and it didn't come to me naturally. There was no magic testosterone gift that made it easy. The guy across the table is just as worried as you are. re: socialization factors I blame the school enviroment where grading is fair and you ostensibly get the grade you deserve. This normalizes the behavior of 'just do good work, and you get the pay/grade you deserve.' Kids that wheedle the teachers for an A- when they deserve a B are reprimanded. In the real world it's completely different. Managers will give you a D everytime if you let them.

drusenko 15y ago
for what it's worth, i had about a 50% success rate in college at meeting with a professor after my final grade was handed out and asking (with some form of justification) for a higher grade. professors would get very squeamish and often bump my grade up (from a B to an A-, for example) on the spot.
- johngalt 15y ago
  I'm aware, but I'm trying to take it one step at a time for those just starting out. I've trained a few people (mostly friends and family). A common thread among people who don't negotiate is a belief in fairness. That haggling is about asking for more than what the other person thinks is 'fair' (hurting someone). I've never once had success teaching people that words like 'deserve' and 'fair' have nothing to do with pricing a transaction. So I divide it into two sides: negotiating to get more that what you 'deserve' (which they can categorize as unfair/wrong/evil etc..) and negotiating to get exactly what you deserve. They start out believing that all negotiation is the first type. Introducing the second type makes it easier to rationalize negotiating for what they deserve, and that it's not 'that other unfair type of negotiating'.

drusenko 15y ago

for what it's worth, i had about a 50% success rate in college at meeting with a professor after my final grade was handed out and asking (with some form of justification) for a higher grade. professors would get very squeamish and often bump my grade up (from a B to an A-, for example) on the spot.

johngalt 15y ago
I'm aware, but I'm trying to take it one step at a time for those just starting out. I've trained a few people (mostly friends and family). A common thread among people who don't negotiate is a belief in fairness. That haggling is about asking for more than what the other person thinks is 'fair' (hurting someone). I've never once had success teaching people that words like 'deserve' and 'fair' have nothing to do with pricing a transaction. So I divide it into two sides: negotiating to get more that what you 'deserve' (which they can categorize as unfair/wrong/evil etc..) and negotiating to get exactly what you deserve. They start out believing that all negotiation is the first type. Introducing the second type makes it easier to rationalize negotiating for what they deserve, and that it's not 'that other unfair type of negotiating'.