3 ms·

If you can't be you in a friend group are they really friends?

by benj111 4y ago

bawolff 4y ago
"You" is an amorphous construct. As an example, some of my friends are into computers, some aren't. I dont talk about computers that much with the group that's not interested in that. Its not that im not me or that i am hiding my love of computers from that one group, its just that a different aspect of me is at the forefront.
- benj111 4y ago
  That doesn't imply being a different person in different groups though. You probably have different conversations with friends, than friends + partners. You're still yourself, just fitting the conversation to the group.
  - bawolff 4y ago
    I think that's just getting hung up on semantics. I'm sure a philosopher could talk a long time about the difference between "being a different person", "code-switching", "fitting conversation to the group", "wearing different masks", etc but does it really matter? Regardless, the point im trying to make is, just because you are friends with group a, and group b, does not mean throwing everyone together will result in a group that meshes well.
    - benj111 4y ago
      I agree different groups don't necessarily mesh well. I would say I'm not myself Infront of extended family or at work though. Those are groups of people you need to get on with despite not necessarily being socially compatible. Whereas friends should accept you for who you are. You might have different interests with different circles, but you should still be at ease being yourself. If you have one circle of Christian friends and one circle of S&M wife swapping friends and they each don't know about the other facet, you're probably keeping some element of yourself from each group.
JohnFen 4y ago
Who said you can't be you? But the reality is that everyone modifies their behavior based on who they're around. They're always being themselves, of course, but adapt to the social mores.

3 ms·

If you can't be you in a friend group are they really friends?

by benj111 4y ago

If you can't be you in a friend group are they really friends?

bawolff 4y ago
"You" is an amorphous construct. As an example, some of my friends are into computers, some aren't. I dont talk about computers that much with the group that's not interested in that. Its not that im not me or that i am hiding my love of computers from that one group, its just that a different aspect of me is at the forefront.
- benj111 4y ago
  That doesn't imply being a different person in different groups though. You probably have different conversations with friends, than friends + partners. You're still yourself, just fitting the conversation to the group.
  - bawolff 4y ago
    I think that's just getting hung up on semantics. I'm sure a philosopher could talk a long time about the difference between "being a different person", "code-switching", "fitting conversation to the group", "wearing different masks", etc but does it really matter? Regardless, the point im trying to make is, just because you are friends with group a, and group b, does not mean throwing everyone together will result in a group that meshes well.
    - benj111 4y ago
      I agree different groups don't necessarily mesh well. I would say I'm not myself Infront of extended family or at work though. Those are groups of people you need to get on with despite not necessarily being socially compatible. Whereas friends should accept you for who you are. You might have different interests with different circles, but you should still be at ease being yourself. If you have one circle of Christian friends and one circle of S&M wife swapping friends and they each don't know about the other facet, you're probably keeping some element of yourself from each group.
JohnFen 4y ago
Who said you can't be you? But the reality is that everyone modifies their behavior based on who they're around. They're always being themselves, of course, but adapt to the social mores.