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When I initially saw the title of this post and thought about my struggles making friends earlier, I could think of so many things that I’ve learned that work.

by twayt 4y ago

When I initially saw the title of this post and thought about my struggles making friends earlier, I could think of so many things that I’ve learned that work. But I developed all those learnings and skills through self-reflection once I was in the game. There are so many people who think they have social difficulties or are not friendly people because they don’t talk to people at all. It seems almost too simple or stupid to most intelligent people to consider that maybe the root of all their struggles can be solved by simply talking to more people.

ValentineC 4y ago
I guess that's true for some — I'd liken it to people who say that they want to learn a new programming language or skill, and then go ahead and do everything except actually practise it. "The first step is always the hardest."
- twayt 4y ago
  That’s a good comparison. This would be the social analog of hello world. And what you’re saying is that the next step is to learn how to also use cin instead of just cout.
bawolff 4y ago
> There are so many people who think they have social difficulties or are not friendly people because they don’t talk to people at all. > > It seems almost too simple or stupid to most intelligent people to consider that maybe the root of all their struggles can be solved by simply talking to more people. In the case of someone with social anxiety (which is of course not everyone who struggles with relationships), this is basically like telling someone with depression that they should just try being happy instead.
- twayt 4y ago
  I don’t agree with you, only a depressed person could come up with that logic. If you’re depressed, of course you should try to be happy. Are you going to try to be sad instead? That’s only going to exacerbate the problem. Changing your self talk (and CBT as an extension) has been shown to help depression. That alone should convince you that trying to be happy is better for depression than trying to be sad. By your logic, exposure therapy shouldn’t work. According to you people who are afraid of something should not do said thing because they are afraid of it. However if people who are afraid of something did said thing inspite of being afraid of it, they would have a chance at not being afraid of it. So I think you’re way off base here and stand 100% by what I said
  - bawolff 4y ago
    > I don’t agree with you, only a depressed person could come up with that logic. Have you ever googled the words, "platitude" and "depression"? Its clearly not just me. > If you’re depressed, of course you should try to be happy. You're missing the point and dont understand why this is not useful advice. > Are you going to try to be sad instead? That’s only going to exacerbate the problem. Are you also the type of person who tells homeless people they should try and be fortune 500 CEOs instead?

by twayt 4y ago

ValentineC 4y ago

I guess that's true for some — I'd liken it to people who say that they want to learn a new programming language or skill, and then go ahead and do everything except actually practise it. "The first step is always the hardest."

twayt 4y ago
That’s a good comparison. This would be the social analog of hello world. And what you’re saying is that the next step is to learn how to also use cin instead of just cout.

bawolff 4y ago

> There are so many people who think they have social difficulties or are not friendly people because they don’t talk to people at all. > > It seems almost too simple or stupid to most intelligent people to consider that maybe the root of all their struggles can be solved by simply talking to more people. In the case of someone with social anxiety (which is of course not everyone who struggles with relationships), this is basically like telling someone with depression that they should just try being happy instead.

twayt 4y ago
I don’t agree with you, only a depressed person could come up with that logic. If you’re depressed, of course you should try to be happy. Are you going to try to be sad instead? That’s only going to exacerbate the problem. Changing your self talk (and CBT as an extension) has been shown to help depression. That alone should convince you that trying to be happy is better for depression than trying to be sad. By your logic, exposure therapy shouldn’t work. According to you people who are afraid of something should not do said thing because they are afraid of it. However if people who are afraid of something did said thing inspite of being afraid of it, they would have a chance at not being afraid of it. So I think you’re way off base here and stand 100% by what I said
- bawolff 4y ago
  > I don’t agree with you, only a depressed person could come up with that logic. Have you ever googled the words, "platitude" and "depression"? Its clearly not just me. > If you’re depressed, of course you should try to be happy. You're missing the point and dont understand why this is not useful advice. > Are you going to try to be sad instead? That’s only going to exacerbate the problem. Are you also the type of person who tells homeless people they should try and be fortune 500 CEOs instead?