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You’re still thinking of the relationship in transitional terms and looking down on her (re-read above). That said, good for you for branching out! Men often te
by dzink 4y ago
You’re still thinking of the relationship in transitional terms and looking down on her (re-read above). That said, good for you for branching out! Men often tend to think of relationships as transactional - attaching to someone with higher status to raise your own, or receiving something of value in return. Women may also appreciate some transactional relationships but more importantly tend to build supportive networks (where a value is just being heard when you need to vent or struggle with a problem, and when you proactively help others, regardless of stature, so you and others don’t fall through the cracks, especially the kids.) Men often rely on their spouse or other women for that kind of a relationship (being able to vent and feel vulnerable).
- 972811 4y agoAll relationships are transactional, whether it is explicit or implicit. Your comments are just describing different types of transactions. Your gender splits here are not helpful. The main split that I see over and over again is that men are much less likely to accept you into their group, but much less likely to reject you once you're in (they are tribal). Women are fast to make acquaintances and have larger (mostly healthier) social circles, but are less loosely tied to groups.
- mikrl 4y agoI don’t look down on her, she’s pretty cool IMO and it isn’t a chore/charity to see her. I don’t have a small business or kids so I’m beaten there. My achievements etc are more to highlight the fact that it’s not and shouldn’t be weird for us to be friends, in this age of hyperoptimizing relationships for personal gain, though I see how it can come off. I’m also someone who posts on HN, so I kinda have to set the scene for why I’m here. Obviously if I was the local shopkeeper this whole story would be much more mundane.