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I've been going through it as well. There are a few things that helped me so far. 1) There's a biological component where happiness follows a U curve. Mid 40's

I've been going through it as well. There are a few things that helped me so far. 1) There's a biological component where happiness follows a U curve. Mid 40's tends to bottom out on happiness then steadily increases. Useful to know since riding it out is a viable strategy. [1] 2) This translation [2] of Marcus Aurelius's Meditations is powerful as a daily reminder that no matter the year or station in life, the struggles are universal. Focusing on what's in your control and "knowing thyself" goes a long way towards fighting overwhelm. 3) Modern hypnotherapy is worth studying and possibly doing a session or two with a skilled practitioner. It's basically a shortcut for hacking into your subconscious and un-sticking negative loops without needing to spend years in therapy talking about the past. It's gained popularity in high performance communities, CEOs, athletes, etc. But important to know the more modern version is different than hypnotherapy from 10+ years ago. It's also not stage hypnotherapy. Much more like lucid dreaming where you're still completely aware. I particularly like Marisa Peer's Rapid Transformational Therapy. Her books [3] are worth reading. I can connect you with RTT practitioners or coaches if you're interested. I've worked with a few. [1] (random link, but useful article) https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/scientists-just-discovered-mid-life-crisis-peaks-at-age-47-heres-how-to-minimize-effect-of-happiness-curve.html https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/scientists-just-discovered-mi... [2] https://www.amazon.com/Meditations-New-Translation-Marcus-Aurelius/dp/0812968255/ https://www.amazon.com/Meditations-New-Translation-Marcus-Au... [3] https://www.amazon.com/Tell-Yourself-Better-Lie-Transformational/dp/B09P9VW3Y9/ https://www.amazon.com/Tell-Yourself-Better-Lie-Transformati...

markus_zhang 4y ago
Thanks! 1) Yeah I'm aware of the U curve. Kind of funny that I throw me a bone from time to time to keep myself having better expectation of future life down the road (Let's see if we can study General Relativity in the future -- Yes I know you are unhappy right now and does not have the will power to do any serious study, but maybe in a few years you will); 2) I have seen the Meditations gets mentioned a few times on HN. I'll definitely buy a copy and read during night. I wonder if I have the vocabulary to listen to the audiobook (not a native English speaker) but maybe I can find one in my mother tongue; 3) I heard about hypnotherapy from X-Files many years ago. I'm a bit scared about seeking its help because I don't know what I'm going to say during the session, could be scary. But I'll read the book first. Anyway thanks for the help! I hope your journey ends well and fruitful.
- simple10 4y ago
  You're welcome! Hypnotherapy is probably not what you think. It's more like a type of guided meditation where you're awake but in a very relaxed state. This allows you to tap into parasympathetic nervous system as well as subconscious layers. At no time are you out of control or "under a spell." ;-)
- rramadass 4y ago
  I recommend also reading the Caigentan (japanese: Saikontan). - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caigentan https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caigentan An excellent book (there are similarities to Meditations) but not that well known. I have two english translations; one by Robert Aitken (named Vegetable Roots Discourse: Wisdom from Ming China on Life and Living) and the other by William Scott Wilson(Master of the Three Ways: Reflections of a Chinese Sage on Living a Satisfying Life). Both are good but i am partial to the former.
badpun 4y ago
> 1) There's a biological component where happiness follows a U curve. Mid 40's tends to bottom out on happiness then steadily increases. Useful to know since riding it out is a viable strategy. [1] I'm not sure it's biological. I suspect it's because that's when people's lives tend to suck the most - they have all the demands of career and family, with very litle room for themselves. It would be good to study people who decided to drop out instead and see if they still follow the U curve.
- simple10 4y ago
  Good point. I'm not sure if there are studies that truly isolate it as biological, but there are many biological changes that start to occur that correlate with decreased happiness. For instance, testosterone tends to decline after 40.

markus_zhang 4y ago

Thanks! 1) Yeah I'm aware of the U curve. Kind of funny that I throw me a bone from time to time to keep myself having better expectation of future life down the road (Let's see if we can study General Relativity in the future -- Yes I know you are unhappy right now and does not have the will power to do any serious study, but maybe in a few years you will); 2) I have seen the Meditations gets mentioned a few times on HN. I'll definitely buy a copy and read during night. I wonder if I have the vocabulary to listen to the audiobook (not a native English speaker) but maybe I can find one in my mother tongue; 3) I heard about hypnotherapy from X-Files many years ago. I'm a bit scared about seeking its help because I don't know what I'm going to say during the session, could be scary. But I'll read the book first. Anyway thanks for the help! I hope your journey ends well and fruitful.

simple10 4y ago
You're welcome! Hypnotherapy is probably not what you think. It's more like a type of guided meditation where you're awake but in a very relaxed state. This allows you to tap into parasympathetic nervous system as well as subconscious layers. At no time are you out of control or "under a spell." ;-)
rramadass 4y ago
I recommend also reading the Caigentan (japanese: Saikontan). - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caigentan https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caigentan An excellent book (there are similarities to Meditations) but not that well known. I have two english translations; one by Robert Aitken (named Vegetable Roots Discourse: Wisdom from Ming China on Life and Living) and the other by William Scott Wilson(Master of the Three Ways: Reflections of a Chinese Sage on Living a Satisfying Life). Both are good but i am partial to the former.

badpun 4y ago

> 1) There's a biological component where happiness follows a U curve. Mid 40's tends to bottom out on happiness then steadily increases. Useful to know since riding it out is a viable strategy. [1] I'm not sure it's biological. I suspect it's because that's when people's lives tend to suck the most - they have all the demands of career and family, with very litle room for themselves. It would be good to study people who decided to drop out instead and see if they still follow the U curve.

simple10 4y ago
Good point. I'm not sure if there are studies that truly isolate it as biological, but there are many biological changes that start to occur that correlate with decreased happiness. For instance, testosterone tends to decline after 40.