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Probably not the answer you are looking for but Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. So much of our career path is decided on relations more s

Probably not the answer you are looking for but Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. So much of our career path is decided on relations more so than deliverables, also self-promotion is key but it doesn't come naturally for everybody. The idea that I shouldn't self-promote (because somehow it felt like bragging) and that people will notice if I do amazing work but stay silent was probably one of the most negatively impacting inhibitions I had at the beggining of my career. Also the book made me realize how 'utilitarian' and sometimes selfish I was in communication with others. I had an amazing manager as a Junior who gifted me that book, it really gives you some perspective. We are often selfish listeners and are not committed to acknowledging the other in a 2 way relation. Once you condition yourself not to do that then building relations is way easier, and the space for self-promotion occurs naturally without a feeling of humblebrag.

idontwantthis 4y ago
I’d recommend reading this and then immediately reading Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Carnegie opened my eyes to how to communicate productively, but it’s also a really manipulative way of being. Nonviolent communication comes from a position of love and understanding instead of just getting what you want. There is significant overlap, but where they differ, NVC is going to lead to better relationships especially with family.
- jalino23 4y ago
  this interesting! I did make many friends with Carnegie but non of them felt deep or were long lasting. I need to check out NVC
- mindentropy 4y ago
  >Carnegie opened my eyes to how to communicate productively, but it’s also a really manipulative way of being. I find it odd that people keep raving about this book. As you said it is a very manipulative and exploitative way. It is ok if you are just aiming for getting what you want. Instead I find Robert Green's books which callout and does not sugar coat anything.
rTX5CMRXIfFG 4y ago
I found Carnegie’s book terrible and impossible to finish. Though his advice (the main idea of each chapter) might be true, his supporting arguments are all purely anecdotal, are of dubious veracity, lacks nuance, and commit the logical fallacy of claiming correctness by bombarding you with examples that only repeat each other. I’m still looking for a more science-backed book on influence and persuasion and I’m currently looking at Influence + Persuasion from the HBR Emotional Intelligence series. Would be happy to hear about others’ recommendations as well.
andrei_says_ 4y ago
I’d like to also recommend Nonviolent Communication. Like the other reply said: it’s an opportunity to switch one’s mindset from a manipulative one (getting people to… like you/whatever) to a mindset of serving what’s alive in them, and yourself. It’s an invitation for a deeper alignment with one’s humanity and generates effortless compassion and understanding. Leading to satisfaction much deeper than the one of getting your way.

idontwantthis 4y ago

I’d recommend reading this and then immediately reading Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Carnegie opened my eyes to how to communicate productively, but it’s also a really manipulative way of being. Nonviolent communication comes from a position of love and understanding instead of just getting what you want. There is significant overlap, but where they differ, NVC is going to lead to better relationships especially with family.

jalino23 4y ago
this interesting! I did make many friends with Carnegie but non of them felt deep or were long lasting. I need to check out NVC
mindentropy 4y ago
>Carnegie opened my eyes to how to communicate productively, but it’s also a really manipulative way of being. I find it odd that people keep raving about this book. As you said it is a very manipulative and exploitative way. It is ok if you are just aiming for getting what you want. Instead I find Robert Green's books which callout and does not sugar coat anything.

rTX5CMRXIfFG 4y ago

I found Carnegie’s book terrible and impossible to finish. Though his advice (the main idea of each chapter) might be true, his supporting arguments are all purely anecdotal, are of dubious veracity, lacks nuance, and commit the logical fallacy of claiming correctness by bombarding you with examples that only repeat each other. I’m still looking for a more science-backed book on influence and persuasion and I’m currently looking at Influence + Persuasion from the HBR Emotional Intelligence series. Would be happy to hear about others’ recommendations as well.

andrei_says_ 4y ago

I’d like to also recommend Nonviolent Communication. Like the other reply said: it’s an opportunity to switch one’s mindset from a manipulative one (getting people to… like you/whatever) to a mindset of serving what’s alive in them, and yourself. It’s an invitation for a deeper alignment with one’s humanity and generates effortless compassion and understanding. Leading to satisfaction much deeper than the one of getting your way.