The book Crucial Conversations is quite good and deals with this. The author says to avoid the "Fool's Choice", which is "I can be honest or maintain a good rel

The book Crucial Conversations is quite good and deals with this. The author says to avoid the "Fool's Choice", which is "I can be honest or maintain a good relationship, but not both". The author's own one-sentence summary is "be 100% honest, and 100% respectful". Stated like that, I realized I could be honest in a smart way and not damage my relationships. Of course, sometimes we still end up not getting our way. I recommend this book. I've also realized I should avoid any extraordinary efforts to "cover my ass" against abusive leaders. If they're going to be abusive, I don't need an ironclad defense to rub their noses in, I just need to get out. And I need not feel ashamed of not having that ironclad defense nor of reacting poorly to their aggression; like anyone abused by those in a position of power, I'm not at fault and need not be ashamed. Decent people will accept "we talked about this last month and you said..." just as well as they'll accept a written paper trail. This isn't to say never document things, but don't do it as a crutch for bad leaders; don't obsess about it, you shouldn't have to use it as a coping mechanism.