4 ms·

For much of my life, I was a jerk. I was insecure and often became offended and unkind when things didn't unfold the way I thought they should. It really screwe

by jes 4y ago

For much of my life, I was a jerk. I was insecure and often became offended and unkind when things didn't unfold the way I thought they should. It really screwed up my relationships and in my mid-50s, I found myself pretty much angry and alone in the world. I was constantly stuck in a story no one else really knew much about. What I came to understand was that I had picked up certain ideas about myself over the course of my life. "I am this" and "I am that." They weren't really true, and so I was always kind of at odds with the world. Over a period of years, I started to understand the situation better. I was fortunate to be able to hire a good therapist, and I worked with him for four years. I started reading about Buddhism, Advaita-Vedanta and other non-dual philosophies. I began to meditate and attend a local Buddhist temple. I also listened to a lot of Alan Watts, Rupert Spira, Francis Lucille and other spiritual teachers. I also read and watched a lot of the work of Sam Harris, Robert Sapolsky, Gabor Maté and others. Eventually I came to realize that my false, egoic self was just an illusion, and that I no longer needed to take anything personally. I also developed a greater sense of compassion for other people, and started to notice how they were caught in the same trap that had held me for so many decades. At this time, I don't really take things personally anymore. I'm generally at ease in the world. If this kind of stuff interests you, you might enjoy the following video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oX1IFUDNtto https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oX1IFUDNtto edits: Fixed up typos and missing words a bit.

elevaet 4y ago
It's not easy to make a fundamental change to your outlook like that, well done. I think most of us have at least a bit of what you're describing of yourself pre-mid-50s, and could use a little more untangling of these fixed narratives about ourselves. I'm a big fan of Alan Watts', his talks are absolute gold.
- jes 4y ago
  Fully agree, and thank you. Regarding Alan Watts, maybe check out the chillstep recordings of his different talks on YouTube, if you have not already done so. They are excellent!
mistermann 4y ago
Now that you have been through this once, do you think it's possible that if you went through all of the material you consumed in this period (assume photographic memory), would you be able to prepare a presentation (customized for yourself) with content that would be adequate to accelerate this process (and speculatively, a plausible range of how much) if you were to deliver itself to your past you (say, at the time that you originally started, and maybe also earlier points in time in your life)?
- jes 4y ago
  I do think that would be possible. Your question seems to be along the lines of "Is it possible to speed up the process of seeing that the separate, egoic self is an illusion?" I think it is. In fact, Rupert Spira and others talk about "The Direct Path" for doing exactly this. Why do you ask?
  - mistermann 4y ago
    Well, it typically takes...I dunno, 2 to 5 years or so to make some substantial progress (with luck) I'd say, I wonder what could be accomplished in MUCH tighter time frames, even giving up some aspects. Basically, it's one of those "what is possible?" questions. One thing I've noticed with various different spiritual teachers is that it seems like a personality type match is highly beneficial - for example, Rupert never did much for me, whereas people like Ram Dass, Alan Watts, Terence McKenna, Jiddu Krishnamurti I can listen to for hours. I wonder if there's something that could be done about this as well.
    - jes 4y ago
      I share your interest. To speed up a process, I usually try to identify the rate-limiting step (the constraint.) I would guess that one of the factors that affects the time required to see through the illusion of a separate, egoic self, is "How badly do you want a much better existence than the one you've been living?" Invalidating a low-level assumption of the kind we are discussing has to trigger a lot of re-evaluation by a person. In other words, it really turns everything on its head. I think people are often very smart, in a sub-conscious way, and they can see where self-inquiry might lead, and they say to themselves, in essence, "Screw that. Too scary!" On the other hand, if you're really suffering, you'll probably pay a high price to escape it.

by jes 4y ago

elevaet 4y ago

It's not easy to make a fundamental change to your outlook like that, well done. I think most of us have at least a bit of what you're describing of yourself pre-mid-50s, and could use a little more untangling of these fixed narratives about ourselves. I'm a big fan of Alan Watts', his talks are absolute gold.

jes 4y ago
Fully agree, and thank you. Regarding Alan Watts, maybe check out the chillstep recordings of his different talks on YouTube, if you have not already done so. They are excellent!

mistermann 4y ago

Now that you have been through this once, do you think it's possible that if you went through all of the material you consumed in this period (assume photographic memory), would you be able to prepare a presentation (customized for yourself) with content that would be adequate to accelerate this process (and speculatively, a plausible range of how much) if you were to deliver itself to your past you (say, at the time that you originally started, and maybe also earlier points in time in your life)?

jes 4y ago
I do think that would be possible. Your question seems to be along the lines of "Is it possible to speed up the process of seeing that the separate, egoic self is an illusion?" I think it is. In fact, Rupert Spira and others talk about "The Direct Path" for doing exactly this. Why do you ask?
- mistermann 4y ago
  Well, it typically takes...I dunno, 2 to 5 years or so to make some substantial progress (with luck) I'd say, I wonder what could be accomplished in MUCH tighter time frames, even giving up some aspects. Basically, it's one of those "what is possible?" questions. One thing I've noticed with various different spiritual teachers is that it seems like a personality type match is highly beneficial - for example, Rupert never did much for me, whereas people like Ram Dass, Alan Watts, Terence McKenna, Jiddu Krishnamurti I can listen to for hours. I wonder if there's something that could be done about this as well.
  - jes 4y ago
    I share your interest. To speed up a process, I usually try to identify the rate-limiting step (the constraint.) I would guess that one of the factors that affects the time required to see through the illusion of a separate, egoic self, is "How badly do you want a much better existence than the one you've been living?" Invalidating a low-level assumption of the kind we are discussing has to trigger a lot of re-evaluation by a person. In other words, it really turns everything on its head. I think people are often very smart, in a sub-conscious way, and they can see where self-inquiry might lead, and they say to themselves, in essence, "Screw that. Too scary!" On the other hand, if you're really suffering, you'll probably pay a high price to escape it.