3 ms·

This person thinks very hard about eating, and being alone while eating. It can also be as simple as eating, seated in a restaurant, by yourself. Why make it mo

This person thinks very hard about eating, and being alone while eating. It can also be as simple as eating, seated in a restaurant, by yourself. Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that? This is also one of those things were the "pressures" are self-created. People in restaurants certainly aren't shocked if you go in there by yourself. I wonder if they've discovered the joys of going to movie theaters alone, too?

spelunker 4y ago
Years ago when I had much less responsibility and a MoviePass I went to the theater alone regularly. It was great. I could watch whatever I was interested in and didn't have to convince anyone to join me. I saw Alien on the big screen for the first time during a special showing, it was great!
- jakzurr 4y ago
  It's true; even if you've seen the film, sometimes watching other's reactions can be pretty entertaining!
  - yamtaddle 4y ago
    Some kinds of film are just better with a big crowd. Comedies, often. Many horror movies. I'd say just about any Troma film is much better that way, as are many B-movies and cult classics. Even a few of the Marvel films have had a lot added to them by the theater experience, and hearing/seeing audience reactions (I'm thinking especially of Infinity War and Endgame).
c7DJTLrn 4y ago
Yeah. If the author is afraid of appearing lonely, one of the most liberating things to realise is that nobody really gives a shit about you. At most, people will glance and exchange a few words upon noticing you before moving on to some other topic. For everyone else you're just part of the background of their life. Everyone is too busy thinking about their own insecurities and experience to think about you, generally speaking. The only time people will go out of their way to be cruel about such things is in school, which leads me to suspect the author might have had a rough time.
- happytoexplain 4y ago
  >At most, people will glance and exchange a few words upon noticing you It's a surprise to me seeing this offered as a comfort, since I think it would be slightly mortifying to most people in the subset you're addressing.
  - c7DJTLrn 4y ago
    Yes but the key words are "at most". In my country at least, that is extremely unlikely to happen. You wouldn't necessarily even know if they did say something pertaining to you.
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
  - yakubin 4y ago
    I have a favourite restaurant I go to regularly, alone. The waiters and cooks there know me, as I've been going there for years now. I also have a fairly stable taste, so for some time I've been seeing and overhearing them making bets upon my arrival about what and in what quantity I will order, before I actually make the order. Rather than being embarrassed about it, I'm amused and always want to smile when I notice this happening. People noticing your personal quirks is really not that bad.
    - tmpz22 4y ago
      At my local watering hole I pretty consistently order a makers mark on the rocks. To the point where they’ll anticipate my order and either have it ready for me or it’ll be the first question they ask. Every once in awhile though I’ll mix it up and get similar reactions.
- spaetzleesser 4y ago
  “nobody really gives a shit about you.” This realization helped me a lot with social anxiety. For a long time I believed that everybody was watching and judging me. This made it very hard to go out and do things. It was a relief to be able to let go of this belief.
happytoexplain 4y ago
This is a little like saying "just do it". It's not really pragmatic. Many humans feel uncomfortable being "exposed" in various ways, and one of those ways is being conspicuous in public. I enjoy going to the theater alone, but you're sitting in the dark among people in a continuous sea of seats, not grouped into tables. In a restaurant, it feels conspicuous to be eating alone, even though I have the experience of being on the other side of it - seeing people eating alone at restaurants all the time, and never giving a single thought about them. Self-consciousness isn't compelled by logic. For some reason I've never had this issue at diners though. It's always a joy to eat alone at 6 am in a diner, no matter how many other parties are there. I don't know how that environment tricks my brain into feeling comfortable. Bars, too. I guess there is a popular image of lone patrons in these settings, and it makes one feel less conspicuous.
- bombcar 4y ago
  Some restaurants really feel like they’re designed for date nite and I guess I could see feeling out of place. But bars and diners are often “working” food and so you’ll see people alone all the time.
- soupfordummies 4y ago
  For those that care about being obviously alone at a table surrounded by couples, there’s an easy solution— just sit at the bar
- saiya-jin 4y ago
  You name it yourself - emotions, nothing more. Dont be a slave to them, telling you what to do, how to behave, how to think. You will end up with tons of regrets later in life, 100% guaranteed. Let sinergy of cold hard facts (aka rationality) and emotions drive your life. You will make best decisions like that, and they will stand the test of time. Also this way you dont end up easily as an arrogant ahole who just doesnt think about any consequenced. Just do it may not be enough if you are not there yet, but once you are, you will understand why its true. Or life is too short to XYZ, or whatever else clicks with you.
jxf 4y ago
The author addresses this in the first sentence: > When I went to college I discovered that I harbored a serious aversion to eating alone in public. So the answer to this remark: > It can also be as simple as eating, seated in a restaurant, by yourself. Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that? is that "because it's not simple for them".
- TheCapn 4y ago
  Feels very much like one of those "how do you reason a person out of a belief that they hold without reason?" type things. There's generally no objective reason for someone to have the aversion besides their own self-created mental barriers. In which case the solution quite practically is "get over yourself and try it". If the person's social anxiety is high enough that such advise is poor and inactionable they probably should be working with therapy and not writing general advise blogs. Back to the primary subject though, it seems our author even recognizes this: >But with practice, I’m starting to become more comfortable with dining alone and even enjoy it. It has its own charms, and I think everyone should do it once in a while. So it does seem quite literally that simple. Even to our author.
yosito 4y ago
It seems to me that the author is very young, and very concerned about what others think of them. Which, to be fair, is something that often fades with age. I can remember when I was in my 20s, I found eating alone to be uncomfortable. But as I got older, I realized that I don't care at all what other people think about whether I'm eating alone or not, what I order, how fast I eat, etc etc. As long as no one is harmed, I just do what I want, and if other people don't like it, fuck 'em. But this perspective comes with age.
- silisili 4y ago
  > this perspective comes with age Absolutely. I regret how much of my teens and early 20s I missed out on because of caring what other people think. But I guess it's rather normal. I guess that also explains the whole 'old naked guy in the shower room' trope...the older you get, the less you care. Regardless, I'm trying to instill this in my 10 year old's head, but it's probably fruitless. She asks 'dont you feel embarrassed' when I go out in public with a grease stain, or messed up hair, or my trusty crocs.
- jondeval 4y ago
  I agree with this. I find it so weird that there exists a strong cultural stereotype with a narrative that young people are more independent minded and rebellious. I can very often predict the opinion people in their 20's with very few prior data points. However I find myself much more reserved when opening new conversations with middle aged folks since I'm so often surprised by their humor, independent thoughts, and unique experience. I suppose I'm stating the obvious, but I had a very noticeable youth bias when I was in college and into my early 20's and really needed to be shaken out of it.
pessimizer 4y ago
Eh, you're paying a premium to eat out, so it's weird to go out and to treat it like eating at home. The lower-end the food (i.e. the lower the premium) the less weird it seems. Very few people feel self-conscious eating alone at McDonald's. Alone, you're just paying $9 for a $2 beer.
munificent 4y ago
> Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that? Why not? What's so bad about complexity or ritual? It's the author's choice whether or not to do it. They aren't demanding that you do, nor are they even demanding that you read about their personal choice to do so.

spelunker 4y ago

Years ago when I had much less responsibility and a MoviePass I went to the theater alone regularly. It was great. I could watch whatever I was interested in and didn't have to convince anyone to join me. I saw Alien on the big screen for the first time during a special showing, it was great!

jakzurr 4y ago
It's true; even if you've seen the film, sometimes watching other's reactions can be pretty entertaining!
- yamtaddle 4y ago
  Some kinds of film are just better with a big crowd. Comedies, often. Many horror movies. I'd say just about any Troma film is much better that way, as are many B-movies and cult classics. Even a few of the Marvel films have had a lot added to them by the theater experience, and hearing/seeing audience reactions (I'm thinking especially of Infinity War and Endgame).

c7DJTLrn 4y ago

Yeah. If the author is afraid of appearing lonely, one of the most liberating things to realise is that nobody really gives a shit about you. At most, people will glance and exchange a few words upon noticing you before moving on to some other topic. For everyone else you're just part of the background of their life. Everyone is too busy thinking about their own insecurities and experience to think about you, generally speaking. The only time people will go out of their way to be cruel about such things is in school, which leads me to suspect the author might have had a rough time.

happytoexplain 4y ago
>At most, people will glance and exchange a few words upon noticing you It's a surprise to me seeing this offered as a comfort, since I think it would be slightly mortifying to most people in the subset you're addressing.
- c7DJTLrn 4y ago
  Yes but the key words are "at most". In my country at least, that is extremely unlikely to happen. You wouldn't necessarily even know if they did say something pertaining to you.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- yakubin 4y ago
  I have a favourite restaurant I go to regularly, alone. The waiters and cooks there know me, as I've been going there for years now. I also have a fairly stable taste, so for some time I've been seeing and overhearing them making bets upon my arrival about what and in what quantity I will order, before I actually make the order. Rather than being embarrassed about it, I'm amused and always want to smile when I notice this happening. People noticing your personal quirks is really not that bad.
  - tmpz22 4y ago
    At my local watering hole I pretty consistently order a makers mark on the rocks. To the point where they’ll anticipate my order and either have it ready for me or it’ll be the first question they ask. Every once in awhile though I’ll mix it up and get similar reactions.
spaetzleesser 4y ago
“nobody really gives a shit about you.” This realization helped me a lot with social anxiety. For a long time I believed that everybody was watching and judging me. This made it very hard to go out and do things. It was a relief to be able to let go of this belief.

happytoexplain 4y ago

This is a little like saying "just do it". It's not really pragmatic. Many humans feel uncomfortable being "exposed" in various ways, and one of those ways is being conspicuous in public. I enjoy going to the theater alone, but you're sitting in the dark among people in a continuous sea of seats, not grouped into tables. In a restaurant, it feels conspicuous to be eating alone, even though I have the experience of being on the other side of it - seeing people eating alone at restaurants all the time, and never giving a single thought about them. Self-consciousness isn't compelled by logic. For some reason I've never had this issue at diners though. It's always a joy to eat alone at 6 am in a diner, no matter how many other parties are there. I don't know how that environment tricks my brain into feeling comfortable. Bars, too. I guess there is a popular image of lone patrons in these settings, and it makes one feel less conspicuous.

bombcar 4y ago
Some restaurants really feel like they’re designed for date nite and I guess I could see feeling out of place. But bars and diners are often “working” food and so you’ll see people alone all the time.
soupfordummies 4y ago
For those that care about being obviously alone at a table surrounded by couples, there’s an easy solution— just sit at the bar
saiya-jin 4y ago
You name it yourself - emotions, nothing more. Dont be a slave to them, telling you what to do, how to behave, how to think. You will end up with tons of regrets later in life, 100% guaranteed. Let sinergy of cold hard facts (aka rationality) and emotions drive your life. You will make best decisions like that, and they will stand the test of time. Also this way you dont end up easily as an arrogant ahole who just doesnt think about any consequenced. Just do it may not be enough if you are not there yet, but once you are, you will understand why its true. Or life is too short to XYZ, or whatever else clicks with you.

jxf 4y ago

The author addresses this in the first sentence: > When I went to college I discovered that I harbored a serious aversion to eating alone in public. So the answer to this remark: > It can also be as simple as eating, seated in a restaurant, by yourself. Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that? is that "because it's not simple for them".

TheCapn 4y ago
Feels very much like one of those "how do you reason a person out of a belief that they hold without reason?" type things. There's generally no objective reason for someone to have the aversion besides their own self-created mental barriers. In which case the solution quite practically is "get over yourself and try it". If the person's social anxiety is high enough that such advise is poor and inactionable they probably should be working with therapy and not writing general advise blogs. Back to the primary subject though, it seems our author even recognizes this: >But with practice, I’m starting to become more comfortable with dining alone and even enjoy it. It has its own charms, and I think everyone should do it once in a while. So it does seem quite literally that simple. Even to our author.

yosito 4y ago

It seems to me that the author is very young, and very concerned about what others think of them. Which, to be fair, is something that often fades with age. I can remember when I was in my 20s, I found eating alone to be uncomfortable. But as I got older, I realized that I don't care at all what other people think about whether I'm eating alone or not, what I order, how fast I eat, etc etc. As long as no one is harmed, I just do what I want, and if other people don't like it, fuck 'em. But this perspective comes with age.

silisili 4y ago
> this perspective comes with age Absolutely. I regret how much of my teens and early 20s I missed out on because of caring what other people think. But I guess it's rather normal. I guess that also explains the whole 'old naked guy in the shower room' trope...the older you get, the less you care. Regardless, I'm trying to instill this in my 10 year old's head, but it's probably fruitless. She asks 'dont you feel embarrassed' when I go out in public with a grease stain, or messed up hair, or my trusty crocs.
jondeval 4y ago
I agree with this. I find it so weird that there exists a strong cultural stereotype with a narrative that young people are more independent minded and rebellious. I can very often predict the opinion people in their 20's with very few prior data points. However I find myself much more reserved when opening new conversations with middle aged folks since I'm so often surprised by their humor, independent thoughts, and unique experience. I suppose I'm stating the obvious, but I had a very noticeable youth bias when I was in college and into my early 20's and really needed to be shaken out of it.

pessimizer 4y ago

Eh, you're paying a premium to eat out, so it's weird to go out and to treat it like eating at home. The lower-end the food (i.e. the lower the premium) the less weird it seems. Very few people feel self-conscious eating alone at McDonald's. Alone, you're just paying $9 for a $2 beer.

munificent 4y ago

> Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that? Why not? What's so bad about complexity or ritual? It's the author's choice whether or not to do it. They aren't demanding that you do, nor are they even demanding that you read about their personal choice to do so.