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I really don't think the author's point is even remotely related to what you're pointing at. The words 'scary' and 'anxiety' are, in my opinion, to be taken ver

I really don't think the author's point is even remotely related to what you're pointing at. The words 'scary' and 'anxiety' are, in my opinion, to be taken very lightly in this blog post. These are normal human emotions, not necessarily diseases. It is about effective communication at work, and if you ask around this is not even a particularly contentious issue, everybody seems to agree to a certain extent. > I don't really think "Can we chat?" has much to do... with remote working Yes, it also applies to the office, but you do realize this is specifically about instant messaging, not drive-by conversations? > I know for myself, after hearing it the 1st time, I wouldn't be anxious the second time or later. It's just an opportunity to talk. The scenario in question might play out dozens of times a day at a larger company, you don't need those "opportunities to talk" if you have work to be done. Not doing this is a matter of courtesy. You might just have been lucky to not have it inflicted to you at that level. See https://nohello.net https://nohello.net

jollybean 4y ago
It doesn't matter whether it's in person, or in messaging. It's perfectly acceptable for a manager, and not remotely 'lacking in manner or courtesy' for a manager to say 'Can we chat later at 1?'. I've been working for 25 years in 4 countries, I don't know a person who would think otherwise. The individual here is perfectly within their rights to 'feel anxiety' in any given situation, bu they lack the emotional maturity to recognize their special condition. It is not a normal human emotion to have anxiety because your manager asks to chat, which should be frankly a very common occurrence. I completely and fundamentally disagree with your 'if you ask around people will agree with this'. If you ask the question as 'do you find it problematic or anxiety inducing or lacking in courtesy when your manager asks to chat later without context' - then you've 'led' the answer and might likely create some kind of intellectualized rhetorical response. But - if you actually observe people in any workplace, collect myriads of messages, and then ask them after the fact to identify when their managers were 'not courteous' without highlighting this specific issue, it will not pop up unsolicited. It's total bullshit rhetorical nonsense. If your manager says 'Hey can we chat after lunch?' - you say 'sure' (unless you can't) and then that's that. It's utterly normal.
- ricardobeat 4y ago
  The examples you give of “Can you chat at 1”, “can we chat after lunch” are entirely different from the “spooky” messages the post is about. It’s clear that we are coming from entirely different perspectives, not worth going any further.

jollybean 4y ago

It doesn't matter whether it's in person, or in messaging. It's perfectly acceptable for a manager, and not remotely 'lacking in manner or courtesy' for a manager to say 'Can we chat later at 1?'. I've been working for 25 years in 4 countries, I don't know a person who would think otherwise. The individual here is perfectly within their rights to 'feel anxiety' in any given situation, bu they lack the emotional maturity to recognize their special condition. It is not a normal human emotion to have anxiety because your manager asks to chat, which should be frankly a very common occurrence. I completely and fundamentally disagree with your 'if you ask around people will agree with this'. If you ask the question as 'do you find it problematic or anxiety inducing or lacking in courtesy when your manager asks to chat later without context' - then you've 'led' the answer and might likely create some kind of intellectualized rhetorical response. But - if you actually observe people in any workplace, collect myriads of messages, and then ask them after the fact to identify when their managers were 'not courteous' without highlighting this specific issue, it will not pop up unsolicited. It's total bullshit rhetorical nonsense. If your manager says 'Hey can we chat after lunch?' - you say 'sure' (unless you can't) and then that's that. It's utterly normal.

ricardobeat 4y ago
The examples you give of “Can you chat at 1”, “can we chat after lunch” are entirely different from the “spooky” messages the post is about. It’s clear that we are coming from entirely different perspectives, not worth going any further.