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When I see these numbers, I think: Why do guys bother with Tinder? Why would you give up ALL the alpha, and create 100x more work for yourself down the road, ju

When I see these numbers, I think: Why do guys bother with Tinder? Why would you give up ALL the alpha, and create 100x more work for yourself down the road, just to have a marginally easier starting experience? Those numbers are so horrendous that you'd be better off going to a bar and hitting on every single woman. You could get shot down 50 times in a row, yet as long as you want to 3 bars in a week w/at least 20 approachable women each, you'd still have a date within a week, which is already 1/3 of the success the guy in your example had in a tiny fraction of the time. And of course, bars are pretty much the bottom of the barrel, as unpleasant as it gets. This is hard mode. Try any other setting - a meetup, a birding club, whatever - and things will be easier.

type-r 4y ago
>You could get shot down 50 times in a row You're treating it here like this is no issue, but do you actually know anyone that can take that many rejections in a row and not have it impact their mental state? Even if you know it's not a judgement on you etc. etc., it is hard for any human to continue in the face of so many rejections. It's not just about dating -- successful entrepreneurs are often those people that can take rejection after rejection and continue going. But it's very hard and very rare. In general I am on the same side -- you can get much better success approaching in real life vs. on the apps. But what the apps abstract away is that rejection which you feel very intimately when in person.
sure_about_that 4y ago
== Those numbers are so horrendous that you'd be better off going to a bar and hitting on every single woman. You could get shot down 50 times in a row, yet as long as you want to 3 bars in a week w/at least 20 approachable women each, you'd still have a date within a week, which is already 1/3 of the success the guy in your example had in a tiny fraction of the time.== Treating relationships as an equation to be optimized might be the real hindrance.
- julianeon 4y ago
  You could say that the lowest common denominator of both of these methods is that, in both of them, there is an equation: you are either optimizing the equation, or part of the equation being optimized. You are absolutely being treated like a number on Tinder, after all. But you can choose the system that gets you what you want, faster. So, in choosing the lesser of two evils, choose the bar. Choose anything other than Tinder. Because pretty much any dating alternative to Tinder is better than Tinder.
  - sure_about_that 4y ago
    == You could say that the lowest common denominator of both of these methods is that, in both of them, there is an equation== You certainly could say that, but you have no idea how the variables will react. That sets people up for disappointment when they think they’ve “optimized” human relationships.
webinvest 4y ago
Anecdotally, I spent a year on most of the online dating apps with the paid features. Even as a 6’1 guy with a good surfing photo, and some Europe (traveling) photos, it was still a waste of time, effort, and confidence for me. Eventually I met my now girlfriend through a trivia night meetup. No photos and we were all sitting down. Hopefully it lasts.
antigirl 4y ago
The issue with real life is 'approach anxiety' and now that online dating has been out for a while - people are not as open to cold approaching as they used to be. The default has shifted. Further more, it's hard to tell if someone is single, or even open to dating - this leads to many more rejections. The only good thing about online dating apps is the anonymous liking feature, you get match when you mutually like each other - so on paper there is less rejection. However as this thread states - it has other downfalls. This issue really got to me few years ago and I set out to build an app that would allow you to have this anonymously liking but at events, bars etc So it's hyper localised, you check-in to an event/bar and you see other singles that are there. If you match, you can then 'warm' approach them. I always just saw this app as an ice breaker app - it was received well by my peers. Unfortunately due to flaky business partners and covid, i'm only now at a point where i'm ready to release. Pending Apple app store approval which has been an absolute pain. It will be a slow roll out, initially in Bali, Indonesia. Pending response and funding. if anyone is interested, its called SeeMe http://www.seemeapp.net/ http://www.seemeapp.net/
koonsolo 4y ago
Maybe you should just make sure your profile is top 5%, and if you think you need a six-pack for that, you're wrong. Any average guy can make a Tinder profile that is interesting for women. Women prefer other things in their partner than men (men mainly focus on looks).
- Handytinge 4y ago
  Whilst that may be broadly true, I've seen my female friends on various dating apps. They're scrolling photos and going almost entirely on looks.

type-r 4y ago

>You could get shot down 50 times in a row You're treating it here like this is no issue, but do you actually know anyone that can take that many rejections in a row and not have it impact their mental state? Even if you know it's not a judgement on you etc. etc., it is hard for any human to continue in the face of so many rejections. It's not just about dating -- successful entrepreneurs are often those people that can take rejection after rejection and continue going. But it's very hard and very rare. In general I am on the same side -- you can get much better success approaching in real life vs. on the apps. But what the apps abstract away is that rejection which you feel very intimately when in person.

sure_about_that 4y ago

== Those numbers are so horrendous that you'd be better off going to a bar and hitting on every single woman. You could get shot down 50 times in a row, yet as long as you want to 3 bars in a week w/at least 20 approachable women each, you'd still have a date within a week, which is already 1/3 of the success the guy in your example had in a tiny fraction of the time.== Treating relationships as an equation to be optimized might be the real hindrance.

julianeon 4y ago
You could say that the lowest common denominator of both of these methods is that, in both of them, there is an equation: you are either optimizing the equation, or part of the equation being optimized. You are absolutely being treated like a number on Tinder, after all. But you can choose the system that gets you what you want, faster. So, in choosing the lesser of two evils, choose the bar. Choose anything other than Tinder. Because pretty much any dating alternative to Tinder is better than Tinder.
- sure_about_that 4y ago
  == You could say that the lowest common denominator of both of these methods is that, in both of them, there is an equation== You certainly could say that, but you have no idea how the variables will react. That sets people up for disappointment when they think they’ve “optimized” human relationships.

webinvest 4y ago

Anecdotally, I spent a year on most of the online dating apps with the paid features. Even as a 6’1 guy with a good surfing photo, and some Europe (traveling) photos, it was still a waste of time, effort, and confidence for me. Eventually I met my now girlfriend through a trivia night meetup. No photos and we were all sitting down. Hopefully it lasts.

antigirl 4y ago

The issue with real life is 'approach anxiety' and now that online dating has been out for a while - people are not as open to cold approaching as they used to be. The default has shifted. Further more, it's hard to tell if someone is single, or even open to dating - this leads to many more rejections. The only good thing about online dating apps is the anonymous liking feature, you get match when you mutually like each other - so on paper there is less rejection. However as this thread states - it has other downfalls. This issue really got to me few years ago and I set out to build an app that would allow you to have this anonymously liking but at events, bars etc So it's hyper localised, you check-in to an event/bar and you see other singles that are there. If you match, you can then 'warm' approach them. I always just saw this app as an ice breaker app - it was received well by my peers. Unfortunately due to flaky business partners and covid, i'm only now at a point where i'm ready to release. Pending Apple app store approval which has been an absolute pain. It will be a slow roll out, initially in Bali, Indonesia. Pending response and funding. if anyone is interested, its called SeeMe http://www.seemeapp.net/ http://www.seemeapp.net/

koonsolo 4y ago

Maybe you should just make sure your profile is top 5%, and if you think you need a six-pack for that, you're wrong. Any average guy can make a Tinder profile that is interesting for women. Women prefer other things in their partner than men (men mainly focus on looks).

Handytinge 4y ago
Whilst that may be broadly true, I've seen my female friends on various dating apps. They're scrolling photos and going almost entirely on looks.