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I’m sorry, but this is horseshit. I have spent my entire life to date trying to be useful to people, to society, and it definitely doesn’t result in happiness

• badpun 4y ago
  > At this point, I am rusted and broken and am no damned use to anyone - and oh boy do people make sure to let me know that I am useless garbage. I've been following your posts for a while (could make for an interesting blog BTW) - aren't you now in Portugal and out of the job/work world?
  • madaxe_again 4y ago
    Yes, but the scars run deep, and these values are not exclusive to work and employment - virtually every interpersonal relationship, in my experience, turns out to be fundamentally mercenary. I befriend people, or so I think, and I become infinite unpaid tech support. When I put my foot down and tell them to read the damned manual, upset and offence occurs. I did still do some consulting on the side, until last week, when I politely requested that my few clients pay me a fair market rate, as I had been operating on five year old rates that were cheap even at the time — unsurprisingly, they are no longer my clients. I had worked with them out of a sense of loyalty due to the longevity of the relationships - which evidently was not mutual. Right this moment, I am away from home on vacation for the first time since the pandemic struck, and rather than being able to relax, I am spending several hours a day dealing with/fending off requests for free technical support from said ex-clients, friends, and family. It does not give me a warm, glowing feeling to be able to solve the problems of others, ad infinitum, and any seemingly meaningful engagement with society inevitably turns into exploitation. There’s never any gratitude - and to be clear, I don’t expect grovelling worshipfulness, just a “thank you for taking the time” - just ratcheting expectations. I had dreams of being able to take the time to write - and write I do, but I find no meaning in it, as nothing I write has an audience beyond myself. The only place I find meaning is in sitting quietly in the forest, and just being a human animal amidst non-human animals. I wouldn’t call it happiness, rather… contentment? Groundedness? An absence, or at least diminshment, of despair and fury? Honestly, I wouldn’t follow me - I am a bitter weirdo who has recused himself from the world, for good reason. I am never quite sure if it is the human world that is broken, or me - or both.
    • jventura 4y ago
      (Not that I have much of an advice to give, and only answering because you're in Portugal - my native country. but nothing to do with that as well.. :). Sometimes we just have to "reinvent" ourselves. Do some introspection, drop those things that are clearly not working, search for other paths. I think we are all broken and trying to find our way in this world.
    • badpun 4y ago
      > Yes, but the scars run deep, and these values are not exclusive to work and employment - virtually every interpersonal relationship, in my experience, turns out to be fundamentally mercenary. I befriend people, or so I think, and I become infinite unpaid tech support. When I put my foot down and tell them to read the damned manual, upset and offence occurs. Possibly most are like that, but there are definitely people who care about the interaction with you in itself, and not in what they can gain. They're rare, because they have to essentially elevate themselves above the default programming of being a predominantly a selfish animal who's about maximizing resources and chances at survival/comfort. Essentially, a good approach for this problem is - look for people who exhibit good/virtuous character traits, and run from everyone else.
    • wnolens 4y ago
      > I am spending several hours a day dealing with/fending off requests for free technical support from said ex-clients, friends, and family What continues to obligate you to interact at all? I've dropped off the map to one friend and one family member before (after years of effort to prove to myself that I'm a good person) and seriously dialed back my stress level. It wasn't easy, and one was sick and in need but ultimately un-help-able.
    • AlwaysRock 4y ago
      It sounds a bit like your line between friend and coworker/business relationship is very thin. I'm probably on the other side of the pendulum but I dont consider any work friends or clients to be my actual friends. They are people who I do business with and some are more pleasant than others. Some are even close to actual friends. But I have known since my first job that often these friendships are tied to a job and/or the mutual benefit we both get from each other. When that job and mutual benefit is gone then we have very little incentive to keep being friends. My family occasionally asks me for tech support and I've talked to a friend once in a while about a website they are setting up but as soon as it feel like we are moving from me helping them with a quick fix into me doing work for them then I tell them they should find someone who can actually do this work for them because I cant. tldr: business relationships !== friends