3 ms·
I learned that my dad isn't my father. He didn't even know he wasn't my father. My mom passed away a few years ago and took this secret to the grave with her.
by joshmn 4y ago
I learned that my dad isn't my father. He didn't even know he wasn't my father. My mom passed away a few years ago and took this secret to the grave with her.
I took an Ancestry.com DNA to try to answer the question of: "what, in my ancestry, if anything, results in me not being able to tan well at all?" (compared to my mother/father). In doing so, I was also greeted with another surprise: my mother happened to do one of these tests herself! She showed up on my list of matches. This made it really easy to determine who all was on her side via the "shared matches" feature — you can see a list of names/usernames of people who have opted in to this feature and share some DNA with you.
This meant that it was very easy to distinguish who was on my (biological) fathers side.
I'm cool with it, though it's an itch I'm insatiably trying to scratch. Oddly enough, someone who I share a considerable amount of DNA with has an uncle who worked in the same town as my mother did the year I was conceived — otherwise, the entire family has no relation to the region my mom hung around in that year (or any prior year). However, for all my fruitful digging (and I'm usually very good at the finding-people-on-internet part), I cannot turn up any solid email address or phone number for the guy. Coincidentally, I can see his old law office from my patio, and he lives a few blocks away from my partner.
World is weird.
- Cyberdog 4y agoMy father always knew his "father" was not his biological father, but it wasn't until a couple years ago (when he was in his mid-60s) that he was able to find and connect with the half-brothers and -sisters he never knew he had, from the family his bio-father made after he left my father's mother and never looked back. At any rate, how did your father take the news?
- joshmn 4y agoThe situation you describe is the one I'm curious to avoid. My old man was sort of "bah humbug" about it all. He wasn't necessarily "surprised" that my mom would do such a thing, but still "surprised" — eyes wide open, shaking-of-the-head. My mom was notoriously sneaky, though her legend is prototypically more tame than this: "oh look at this cat I found on the sidewalk that was lost!", or "this dog was going to be put down if someone didn't take it." My favorite story though is that when they (my mom/dad) went on a week-long canoe trip: your pack is usually heavy when you start and is supposed to get lighter as you go — you know, from the food you eat. Well, my dad noticed his was not getting any lighter as the trip went on. Fast-forward a few weeks, my mom is out working in the yard and my dad goes out to get something when he notices some really particular rocks that match at all with the existing rocks that were laid. Little did he know he carried in his pack during their canoe trip. The rest of the day (I broke the news to him shortly after lunch hour) we spent the day chuckling about "how 'Jeanine' it is [of a situation]" — Jeanine being my mother. We found common ground there if nothing else.
- briHass 4y agoNot that I'm trying to psychoanalyze your mother, who has passed, but I'm curious if you've ever compared her behavior with Borderline Personality Disorder? I had a short (fortunately) relationship with a woman who was diagnosed, and there's a certain 'flavor' to the lies that I noticed when reading about the rocks. Cheating is also common with BPD. I'm glad it didn't work out, because I can see how the push-pull messes with your head. Something as insane as your wife, who ostensibly loves you, adding weight to your backpack and not revealing the 'joke' for a week is insanely malicious.
- joshmn 4y agoNo, not one bit. She just had a sense of humor. It's difficult to truly materialize someone's personality in a finite blob of text.