4 ms·

I think this is probably an autistic take on this, but I think we care way to much about exposing kids to mean words and mean people. Again, perhaps an autistic

by kypro 4y ago

I think this is probably an autistic take on this, but I think we care way to much about exposing kids to mean words and mean people. Again, perhaps an autistic take, but being bullied (badly) as a kid was easily the best thing that ever happened to me in terms of mental resilience. Imagine we got into an argument and I got angry and called you a "smelly poo poo", you'd probably just laugh because despite what I'm saying being mean and profanity it's also such an insignificant insult that it borders on comical. But to a kid that might actually be quite offensive and hurtful and that's because they haven't built a tolerance. I suspect this might be why a lot people today feel that words can be violent - they simply haven't built up a tolerance for offensive speech. And sometimes in the real world people can be offensive and mean. Another thing I'll add here is that in the UK working class guys really like to insult each other. Given the types of individuals who browse HN I know most here won't relate to this, but it's actually kinda fun to be a dick to your friend. And further I'd argue that guys actually bond in part by playfighting and teasing each other. I get that what I'm saying here is very context dependent, but some of the best times of my childhood was playing video games with my friends and saying all kinds of horrid stuff to them. If I had to guess 80% of the stuff we'd say to each other on voice chat was insults but it was hilarious. Kids are way stronger than we tend to think. If you teach a kid they're a victim because someone said something mean then they'll probably believe it and see themselves as a victim. On the other hand, if you act like mean words are no big deal and that sometimes people can be mean then they'll probably grow up much better prepared to handle the real world. At least in my experience / opinion.

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xmprt 4y ago
People will be offensive in the real world but I don't think we should encourage or accept that kind of behavior. If we build a society where people are shamed and shunned and not allowed to participate (whether it's a short timeout or a longer ban) when they behave poorly then hopefully we can reduce this kind of behavior in the world and instead of accepting it, people will be more comfortable fighting back in a positive way instead of simply flinging insults back which was how many of my childhood bullies behaved. Playfighting is a different topic and typically even when you play fight, you set certain boundaries and there are things that you don't say/do. Good friends will recognize those boundaries and not cross them. You wouldn't call your friends soft and say they lack mental resilience for having boundaries, would you?
watwut 4y ago
The problem with this take is that it deals with imaginary situation of someone being banned from Minecraft for life due to saying "smelly poo poo". Which is not what is going on at all. I mean, people in this situation are overly trustworthy toward what is said bae.st by that commenter. Two screenshots somehow prove he was banned for using profanity. But I complain to you specifically, because you kind of took it on the next level. > And further I'd argue that guys actually bond in part by playfighting and teasing each other. Some do. And plenty of guys are verbally bullied by guys and they are not ok with it at all. Quite a lot, it is not bonding, it is just hostility and bullying.
Heyso 4y ago
I agree with most of it. Insult are forbidden/taboo, that's also why kids use and abuse them when they can (like in a game). It just crossed my mind : we should be teaching kids how to handle insults and toxicity in life. Non-violent communication principles, and "don't take things personnaly" from the four agreements of Don Miguel Ruiz. It is likely that the toxicity kids put into game is to help themselves learn how to handle toxicity/insults in life. Can I hurt somebody with words and actions (hello griefing) ? How much ? Can he retaliate ? Do I gain or lose something by being a dick (or victim) ? Think about it, testing that out in real life is much more dangereous and costly. At worse, in game you may get banned. My point is that I suspect online toxicity to be a ground for learning some valuables lessons. If we want to reduces online toxicity, we should be providing theses valuable lessons elsewhere (in school for example).

by kypro 4y ago

deleted 4y ago

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xmprt 4y ago

People will be offensive in the real world but I don't think we should encourage or accept that kind of behavior. If we build a society where people are shamed and shunned and not allowed to participate (whether it's a short timeout or a longer ban) when they behave poorly then hopefully we can reduce this kind of behavior in the world and instead of accepting it, people will be more comfortable fighting back in a positive way instead of simply flinging insults back which was how many of my childhood bullies behaved. Playfighting is a different topic and typically even when you play fight, you set certain boundaries and there are things that you don't say/do. Good friends will recognize those boundaries and not cross them. You wouldn't call your friends soft and say they lack mental resilience for having boundaries, would you?

watwut 4y ago

The problem with this take is that it deals with imaginary situation of someone being banned from Minecraft for life due to saying "smelly poo poo". Which is not what is going on at all. I mean, people in this situation are overly trustworthy toward what is said bae.st by that commenter. Two screenshots somehow prove he was banned for using profanity. But I complain to you specifically, because you kind of took it on the next level. > And further I'd argue that guys actually bond in part by playfighting and teasing each other. Some do. And plenty of guys are verbally bullied by guys and they are not ok with it at all. Quite a lot, it is not bonding, it is just hostility and bullying.

Heyso 4y ago

I agree with most of it. Insult are forbidden/taboo, that's also why kids use and abuse them when they can (like in a game). It just crossed my mind : we should be teaching kids how to handle insults and toxicity in life. Non-violent communication principles, and "don't take things personnaly" from the four agreements of Don Miguel Ruiz. It is likely that the toxicity kids put into game is to help themselves learn how to handle toxicity/insults in life. Can I hurt somebody with words and actions (hello griefing) ? How much ? Can he retaliate ? Do I gain or lose something by being a dick (or victim) ? Think about it, testing that out in real life is much more dangereous and costly. At worse, in game you may get banned. My point is that I suspect online toxicity to be a ground for learning some valuables lessons. If we want to reduces online toxicity, we should be providing theses valuable lessons elsewhere (in school for example).