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As a guy with extreme anxiety dating apps were life changing in a good way for me. I could put in a lot of effort into the looks aspect: gym mainly, but also cl

As a guy with extreme anxiety dating apps were life changing in a good way for me. I could put in a lot of effort into the looks aspect: gym mainly, but also clothes and professional photos. Then I could message and get comfortable and "know" the person before meeting them in real life. I had zero success in real life. I am far too anxious and socially inept to handle that. But I can definitely understand why they wouldn't be perfect for most.

vhiremath4 4y ago
Love this. Hoping you conquer your social anxiety over time though. Not just for dating but for yourself! I can understand btw - was prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics from a young age and had to figure out how to live without them. Shit is hard.
- confidantlake 4y ago
  Thank you for the kind words! Shit is hard. I am happily married so hopefully will never have to return to the dating pool :). Don't think I will ever conquer it, but I have learned to live with it and it is not bad as it once was. Ironically by accepting it and not trying to fight it, the power it has had over me has diminished. Good luck to you too and I hope you figure out whatever you are dealing with!
  - vhiremath4 4y ago
    Surrender is so powerful. Much love to you and your family!
vlod 4y ago
> I am far too anxious and socially inept to handle that. I was too (and still to a degree am). I once shared a rental with a female socialite. She said she accepts EVERY invitation to go out and suggested I do the same. Getting used to being around people and being in awkward situations where you have to talk to randoms will develop calluses. It is a skill you can develop by just practice. (public speaking is another example). I look forward to talking to you in a random party! :)
- confidantlake 4y ago
  I am glad to hear :) Looking forward to it too!
- andrewflnr 4y ago
  It must be nice getting invitations to go out.
  - vlod 4y ago
    Obviously one needs to expand their friend network. Sitting at home watching Netflix all evening and doom scrolling won't get you invites.
    - andrewflnr 4y ago
      You're making a number of assumptions about me which are all hilariously wrong.
      - deleted 4y ago
        [deleted]
  - muttled 4y ago
    I have a lot of luck texting people "is anything fun going on this weekend?"
- amf12 4y ago
  +1 to this. I had crippling social anxiety. Working with a therapist, I tried out exposure therapy - which was basically going out of your comfort zone more often. It definitely helped with my social anxiety.
  - mathewsanders 4y ago
    For anyone in this situation and thinking nothing will help, I also had a positive experience with exposure therapy. Around 15 years ago I remember walking to get a pizza and approaching the restaurant getting pins and needles on my back, and drenching myself in sweat from anxiety. One of my no-gos was going to weight room/area of the gym (I could tolerate cardio area) and one of the first homework activities things my therapist gave me was going to weight room and sitting for 5 mins to do some stretches. It was awful, but within a few months I slowly progressed to the point I was even confident enough to work with a personal trainer. Slow but consistent incremental exposure to my triggers absolutely made a huge positive impact for me.

vhiremath4 4y ago

Love this. Hoping you conquer your social anxiety over time though. Not just for dating but for yourself! I can understand btw - was prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics from a young age and had to figure out how to live without them. Shit is hard.

confidantlake 4y ago
Thank you for the kind words! Shit is hard. I am happily married so hopefully will never have to return to the dating pool :). Don't think I will ever conquer it, but I have learned to live with it and it is not bad as it once was. Ironically by accepting it and not trying to fight it, the power it has had over me has diminished. Good luck to you too and I hope you figure out whatever you are dealing with!
- vhiremath4 4y ago
  Surrender is so powerful. Much love to you and your family!

vlod 4y ago

> I am far too anxious and socially inept to handle that. I was too (and still to a degree am). I once shared a rental with a female socialite. She said she accepts EVERY invitation to go out and suggested I do the same. Getting used to being around people and being in awkward situations where you have to talk to randoms will develop calluses. It is a skill you can develop by just practice. (public speaking is another example). I look forward to talking to you in a random party! :)

confidantlake 4y ago
I am glad to hear :) Looking forward to it too!
andrewflnr 4y ago
It must be nice getting invitations to go out.
- vlod 4y ago
  Obviously one needs to expand their friend network. Sitting at home watching Netflix all evening and doom scrolling won't get you invites.
  - andrewflnr 4y ago
    You're making a number of assumptions about me which are all hilariously wrong.
    - deleted 4y ago
      [deleted]
- muttled 4y ago
  I have a lot of luck texting people "is anything fun going on this weekend?"
amf12 4y ago
+1 to this. I had crippling social anxiety. Working with a therapist, I tried out exposure therapy - which was basically going out of your comfort zone more often. It definitely helped with my social anxiety.
- mathewsanders 4y ago
  For anyone in this situation and thinking nothing will help, I also had a positive experience with exposure therapy. Around 15 years ago I remember walking to get a pizza and approaching the restaurant getting pins and needles on my back, and drenching myself in sweat from anxiety. One of my no-gos was going to weight room/area of the gym (I could tolerate cardio area) and one of the first homework activities things my therapist gave me was going to weight room and sitting for 5 mins to do some stretches. It was awful, but within a few months I slowly progressed to the point I was even confident enough to work with a personal trainer. Slow but consistent incremental exposure to my triggers absolutely made a huge positive impact for me.