4 ms·

I’m not convinced it’s a pure numbers game, at least from a perspective of long-term success (for what it’s worth, I was averaging 1-2 dates/year until I met my

I’m not convinced it’s a pure numbers game, at least from a perspective of long-term success (for what it’s worth, I was averaging 1-2 dates/year until I met my partner). I think it’s much better to have two high-quality dates than dozens of low-quality ones. The advantage of dating apps over more traditional ways of meeting people is that you can much more effectively set up bandpass filters to focus your efforts on interesting people. I think the best thing you can do is focus on yourself, particularly by cultivating hobbies that you enjoy—bonus points if they’re things you can enjoy alone and with others, because they’re easy inroads and great first dates (worst case you get to spend a bit of time doing something you like!). The second thing I’d encourage is to get any potential dealbreakers out of the way early (e.g. religion, political views, desires for parenthood, career aspirations). It’s a slow path, but it’s helped me avoid the major pitfalls I’ve seen in my friend’s’ and colleagues’ relationships.

Macacity 4y ago
> I think it’s much better to have two high-quality dates than dozens of low-quality ones. But first you have to meet the person to go on a date with.
sweezyjeezy 4y ago
I don't think I fully agree with this. I think most people are quite bad at dating, I know I was. 1-2 per year for me would mean too much pressure. If I'm taking nothing else from using dating apps for the last 10 years, it's that I feel calm and have a good handle on my feelings in those situations, when good people come along I have a much better shot with them now. Obviously 2 good dates > loads of average ones, but the average ones aren't pointless either.
- scarier 4y ago
  Fair point—I never got good at “dating” as a standalone skill. I still think that’s the benefit of activity dates over bar/dinner-and-a-movie/whatever dates, though. Doing a thing that you’re both already reasonably confident at helps counteract the anxiety and pressure from being on a date, and if you both have a good time doing the activity it makes follow-on conversions easier and less stressful since you have a common foundation to build and/or fall back on.

Macacity 4y ago

> I think it’s much better to have two high-quality dates than dozens of low-quality ones. But first you have to meet the person to go on a date with.

sweezyjeezy 4y ago

I don't think I fully agree with this. I think most people are quite bad at dating, I know I was. 1-2 per year for me would mean too much pressure. If I'm taking nothing else from using dating apps for the last 10 years, it's that I feel calm and have a good handle on my feelings in those situations, when good people come along I have a much better shot with them now. Obviously 2 good dates > loads of average ones, but the average ones aren't pointless either.

scarier 4y ago
Fair point—I never got good at “dating” as a standalone skill. I still think that’s the benefit of activity dates over bar/dinner-and-a-movie/whatever dates, though. Doing a thing that you’re both already reasonably confident at helps counteract the anxiety and pressure from being on a date, and if you both have a good time doing the activity it makes follow-on conversions easier and less stressful since you have a common foundation to build and/or fall back on.