4 ms·

From what I can tell, the dating apps are really really good for "good" looking men, and very bad for average to bad looking men. lucky for me I suppose I got

From what I can tell, the dating apps are really really good for "good" looking men, and very bad for average to bad looking men. lucky for me I suppose I got married before dating apps became a thing..

bckr 4y ago
N=1 my friend did very well on Tinder as what I would consider below average in looks.
- spookybones 4y ago
  How tall is he?
  - bckr 4y ago
    Average height. Grad student with minimal income living at home.
causi 4y ago
That correlates with the data Okcupid published a while back where women rated 80% of men as below-average.
- lvass 4y ago
  I'm trying to picture a distribution where this holds true and holy crap, dating apps should display a "Abandon all hope ye who enter here" warning to every man who falls below or near median ELO scores.
  - spywaregorilla 4y ago
    I wonder though, what kind of distribution heterosexual men would provide if scrolling through registered as a woman. My guess? Pretty similar. A lot of guys, especially younger guys, just don't have a good idea of self presentation, chasing images that are very unappealing to a lot of women. Either lacking self confidence or just filling their profile with red flags.
    - confidantlake 4y ago
      Not like women's profile's are on average much better. They are simply much more in demand.
      - spywaregorilla 4y ago
        It's still a relevant question. The narrative so many men champion is that women are too picky and it's not fair. If men would be equally picky trying to find worthy men on these platforms, it's a very different story.
- kibwen 4y ago
  That's somewhat misleading. Here's the original post: https://web.archive.org/web/20091121080804/http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/11/17/your-looks-and-online-dating/ https://web.archive.org/web/20091121080804/http://blog.okcup... It says that women rate most men as less attractive than average, yes. But then women are quite willing to message men who are rated as less attractive than average. Meanwhile, the men rank attractiveness on a shockingly mathematical-looking curve. However, at the same time, men overwhelmingly refuse to message any but the most attractive of women. Thus, if you're an average-looking man, your odds of getting messages are actually greater than they are for an average-looking woman.
  - causi 4y ago
    Thus, if you're an average-looking man, your odds of getting messages are actually greater than they are for an average-looking woman. Untrue. If you're an average-looking man your share of female-to-male messages is greater than an average-looking woman's share of male-to-female messages. The woman is still getting a far larger number of messages.
    - kibwen 4y ago
      Sure, adjust for the fact that 80% of users are men. That doesn't change the fact that talking about attractiveness alone is misleading, because men and women use that data in very different ways. Despite ranking most men at 2/5, women message those men at the same rate that men message women ranked 4/5.
      - causi 4y ago
        Despite ranking most men at 2/5, women message those men at the same rate that men message women ranked 4/5. No, they don't, or at least it isn't shown in that data. Those graphs refer to the proportions of messages for each gender, not raw numbers. Each male user sends 3.5 times as many "first contact" messages as each female user, according to their 2016 data. average-looking women are disadvantaged because men appear to be far more selective than women are: Absolutely agree. But they're disadvantaged against other women, not against men, if you're measuring by, as you specified, "the odds of getting messages". An average man will receive fewer messages than an average woman.
joking 4y ago
really good for those good looking men, who happen to don't want nothing serious, and then the women get burned of being dumped after a couple of nights. There's really aa difference between what men and women expect, and also between what they say and what they do. I'm pretty honest when I talk with someone, something serious and compromises are not on my horizon, a lot of women discard me when I say that, and I'm ok with it, but sometimes I continue talking with them, and they told me how many man lie saying that they want something just to get on the their bed sheets and they disappear after that. Overall, I found some great people and nice aquitances, but the time I had spent is not despreciable.

bckr 4y ago

N=1 my friend did very well on Tinder as what I would consider below average in looks.

spookybones 4y ago
How tall is he?
- bckr 4y ago
  Average height. Grad student with minimal income living at home.

causi 4y ago

That correlates with the data Okcupid published a while back where women rated 80% of men as below-average.

lvass 4y ago
I'm trying to picture a distribution where this holds true and holy crap, dating apps should display a "Abandon all hope ye who enter here" warning to every man who falls below or near median ELO scores.
- spywaregorilla 4y ago
  I wonder though, what kind of distribution heterosexual men would provide if scrolling through registered as a woman. My guess? Pretty similar. A lot of guys, especially younger guys, just don't have a good idea of self presentation, chasing images that are very unappealing to a lot of women. Either lacking self confidence or just filling their profile with red flags.
  - confidantlake 4y ago
    Not like women's profile's are on average much better. They are simply much more in demand.
    - spywaregorilla 4y ago
      It's still a relevant question. The narrative so many men champion is that women are too picky and it's not fair. If men would be equally picky trying to find worthy men on these platforms, it's a very different story.
kibwen 4y ago
That's somewhat misleading. Here's the original post: https://web.archive.org/web/20091121080804/http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/11/17/your-looks-and-online-dating/ https://web.archive.org/web/20091121080804/http://blog.okcup... It says that women rate most men as less attractive than average, yes. But then women are quite willing to message men who are rated as less attractive than average. Meanwhile, the men rank attractiveness on a shockingly mathematical-looking curve. However, at the same time, men overwhelmingly refuse to message any but the most attractive of women. Thus, if you're an average-looking man, your odds of getting messages are actually greater than they are for an average-looking woman.
- causi 4y ago
  Thus, if you're an average-looking man, your odds of getting messages are actually greater than they are for an average-looking woman. Untrue. If you're an average-looking man your share of female-to-male messages is greater than an average-looking woman's share of male-to-female messages. The woman is still getting a far larger number of messages.
  - kibwen 4y ago
    Sure, adjust for the fact that 80% of users are men. That doesn't change the fact that talking about attractiveness alone is misleading, because men and women use that data in very different ways. Despite ranking most men at 2/5, women message those men at the same rate that men message women ranked 4/5.
    - causi 4y ago
      Despite ranking most men at 2/5, women message those men at the same rate that men message women ranked 4/5. No, they don't, or at least it isn't shown in that data. Those graphs refer to the proportions of messages for each gender, not raw numbers. Each male user sends 3.5 times as many "first contact" messages as each female user, according to their 2016 data. average-looking women are disadvantaged because men appear to be far more selective than women are: Absolutely agree. But they're disadvantaged against other women, not against men, if you're measuring by, as you specified, "the odds of getting messages". An average man will receive fewer messages than an average woman.

joking 4y ago

really good for those good looking men, who happen to don't want nothing serious, and then the women get burned of being dumped after a couple of nights. There's really aa difference between what men and women expect, and also between what they say and what they do. I'm pretty honest when I talk with someone, something serious and compromises are not on my horizon, a lot of women discard me when I say that, and I'm ok with it, but sometimes I continue talking with them, and they told me how many man lie saying that they want something just to get on the their bed sheets and they disappear after that. Overall, I found some great people and nice aquitances, but the time I had spent is not despreciable.