4 ms·

I agree that getting out and doing thing you like will let you meet more people but just to be picky here. "concerts?" I couldn't talk to anyone at a concert as

by gernb 4y ago

I agree that getting out and doing thing you like will let you meet more people but just to be picky here. "concerts?" I couldn't talk to anyone at a concert as the music is too loud". "hacking camps", never seen more than 3% woman at any tech event. library? "shhh!, you're not supposed to talk at a library > The important thing is to do it because you like, As I said, I do, but none of the things I like involve enough people of the opposite sex. It doesn't help that I'm old so it might be true there are some 20 somethings at a hacking event but there are no 50 somethings.

CaptArmchair 4y ago
Cooking classes, book club, movie club, volunteering (e.g. environment, local heritage, animal shelter, first aid,...), amateur acting, art classes, group travel, hanging out at vintage records store, coffee bar, dancing classes, music festivals, sports,...
orangepurple 4y ago
There is a good flow chart for your dating life made by a specific YouTuber which I found highly effective. It can be found by searching YouTube for "wheat waffles flow chart"
- msallin 4y ago
  This is fascinating!
- Nav_Panel 4y ago
  I'll save everyone the trouble. Here's the flowchart: https://i.ibb.co/WcBtzw7/What-Should-You-Do-In-Your-Dating-Life-Flow-Chart-11-46-screenshot.png https://i.ibb.co/WcBtzw7/What-Should-You-Do-In-Your-Dating-L... Boring redpill ideology stuff.
  - derefr 4y ago
    I mean, from what I can see, it covers the redpill PUA stuff and the regular advice. It's basically saying "if you want to date shallow women interested only in your appearance, do X; if you want to date short-term based on shared interests, do Y; if you want a long-term relationship, do Z" — where some of the things below those split-offs happen to converge back together, due to e.g. the economics of attention in marketplaces like online dating; and the fact that "women at nightclubs" aren't one coherent group with shared goals but actually several independent groups that different men might want to meet for different reasons. Of course, the phrasing is dumb as hell.
    - LorenPechtel 4y ago
      Note that many of the paths lead to don't-date or travel to lower income areas--but note that while that might get you sex it's not very good for finding love. And note that there is only one path from normal looks/not neurotypical to a relationship--and that path doesn't make much sense. There's also a definite error. Note that an ugly guy who brings himself up to normal with surgery doesn't go through the neurotypical question. That arrow should go back to the top.
  - orangepurple 4y ago
    There is just about nothing ideological about this flow chart
    - Nav_Panel 4y ago
      > sub5 / normie / chad > looksmaxx, moneymaxx, surgerymaxx > daygame, nightgame, warm approach The language itself reveals deeper structuring principles in terms of truths/untruths, from which the knowledge presented in the chart arises. The problem isn't that it's ideology; the NYT is equally ideological (ironically I had a far more visceral negative response to the angle of the OP article than to the above chart). The problem isn't even necessarily that it's TRP/manosphere ideology, but that it's treated unreflexively. The question that immediately comes to mind is "why are the only categories 'sub5', 'normie', and 'chad'? What grounding principles must I assume in order to decide which of these categories I'm a part of?" Same goes for the proposed actions: what worldview must I assume so that these action-words "make sense", are coherent? I can't speak for everyone, but when I personally dig into these questions, the answers I arrive at don't align with the other ways I elect to live in the world. I'm not saying the chart is "wrong", but rather that it's not relevant, for me at least.
      - orangepurple 4y ago
        I stand corrected. However, the question "What grounding principles must I assume in order to decide which of these categories I'm a part of?" has criteria WW outlines in "40 Differences in Treatment Between a Sub5, Normie & Chad." The theory isn't extremely rigorous and well defined.
        Nav_Panel 4y ago
        The point isn't whether the criteria are knowable or not, the point is whether one is aligned with them, in terms of views/faiths/beliefs about how to live one's life. Better to think of it as a lens, perspective, frame, etc. which is neither true nor false, but instead accepted or rejected. In other words, it's a moral question.
    - 4y ago
cableshaft 4y ago
Libraries have lots of events where you can talk. They've had to reinvent themselves a bit since the internet and are a bit more of a community center nowadays. I wouldn't dismiss them out of hand. I went to a travel blogging meetup at one last year (hosted by library staff members), some events on making podcasts, regular board game nights at another, and there's a whole maker lab set up in the basement of my nearest library, with 3D printers, multiple sound recording rooms, multiple video recording studios, a vinyl cutter, a laser cutter and computers with Adobe suite installed on them that you can use pretty much whenever. Just looking at next month at adult events at my nearest library: yoga, drawing with pencils and charcoal class, conversational ESL, STEM workshop, a DIY craft event, a cooking class, photography club, meditation class, mixing live albums with Logic Pro class, dungeons and dragons event, coffee and conversation event, business topics workshop, folk art craft diy, trivia night, open mic night, aztec dancing event, line dancing, toastmasters (public speaking), film club, financial planning talk, 24 hour comic book creation event, state paranormal history talk, knitting, writers group, and several book club events. That's not even the kid or teen events. That's a lot, and a wide variety of things.
derefr 4y ago
> "concerts?" I couldn't talk to anyone at a concert as the music is too loud". "hacking camps", never seen more than 3% woman at any tech event. library? "shhh!, you're not supposed to talk at a library Re: concerts and libraries, you meet people outside of them (for concerts, in line for them, or in the pit waiting for the show to start), not at them per se. I don't know about "hacking camps" (hackathons? code boot camps?) — never been to one — but a close cousin of these, [industry niche] startup events, tend to attract just as many business cofounders as technical cofounders; and the business cofounders tend to be an even gender split. (They also attract seed-stage VC scouts and marketing people, and these jobs actually tend to lean female.) > As I said, I do, but none of the things I like involve enough people of the opposite sex. So... take up some new hobbies? And when I say that, I don't mean to work "bottom up" starting from what you might like; but rather, "top down", starting from what hobbies your ideal partner might have, and then filtering those for which ones you feel at least amicably neutral about. E.g. if you feel like you'd enjoy being with someone who's also 50yo and "creative", and you're not against e.g. painting, or pottery, or creative writing; then attend a continuing-education course on one of those. Because that's where you'll find other 50yos trying to learn those things.
- meheleventyone 4y ago
  > I don't know about "hacking camps" (hackathons? code boot camps?) — never been to one — but a close cousin of these, [industry niche] startup events, tend to attract just as many business cofounders as technical cofounders; and the business cofounders tend to be an even gender split. (They also attract seed-stage VC scouts and marketing people, and these jobs actually tend to lean female.) I think people are going to be weirded out by someone hitting on them at a business event.
  - derefr 4y ago
    I'm not suggesting you do. You make connections, friends, people to work on things with. Then maybe something develops. However, I should note that as a technical cofounder attending these events, I've been approached and flirted with heavily by single female entrepreneurs who have ideas they haven't started building yet, who seem to be looking for a convenient all-in-one package of "a boyfriend who's also an entrepreneur, who can 'yes, and' my ambitions, and who has enough skill+experience to actually build the tech side of the things we imagine together." I'm neither single, nor a free agent business-wise, but some people can be both very pushy and presumptive.
60secs 4y ago
Are you looking for solutions or excuses?
dalke 4y ago
I would like to know which dance style you are learning. My experience is there is a good number of 50 somethings in tango. And like I said elsewhere, it's much more of a café scene than a bar scene, making it easier to socialize.
atoav 4y ago
About the concert thing: people tend to interact in the queue to the concert venue. People tend to talk after a concert. Extra perk: you already have a topic to talk about. Hacking camps are sure not a typical source of women, but what I said was not "search places where women are", but rather "put yourself out there, but in places that match your interest". If it turns out that place has no women at all, sure that won't help for that purpose. Keep in mind that I cited examples that worked for a young (35-ish) person like me. It is not easy to find someone you like, regardless of gender, but putting yourself out there is one of the best ways to do it. Even if your thing is IT, there might be places that need it. E.g. a friend did IT for kids in need and he certainly met one ore another women his age there.

by gernb 4y ago

CaptArmchair 4y ago

Cooking classes, book club, movie club, volunteering (e.g. environment, local heritage, animal shelter, first aid,...), amateur acting, art classes, group travel, hanging out at vintage records store, coffee bar, dancing classes, music festivals, sports,...

orangepurple 4y ago

There is a good flow chart for your dating life made by a specific YouTuber which I found highly effective. It can be found by searching YouTube for "wheat waffles flow chart"

msallin 4y ago
This is fascinating!
Nav_Panel 4y ago
I'll save everyone the trouble. Here's the flowchart: https://i.ibb.co/WcBtzw7/What-Should-You-Do-In-Your-Dating-Life-Flow-Chart-11-46-screenshot.png https://i.ibb.co/WcBtzw7/What-Should-You-Do-In-Your-Dating-L... Boring redpill ideology stuff.
- derefr 4y ago
  I mean, from what I can see, it covers the redpill PUA stuff and the regular advice. It's basically saying "if you want to date shallow women interested only in your appearance, do X; if you want to date short-term based on shared interests, do Y; if you want a long-term relationship, do Z" — where some of the things below those split-offs happen to converge back together, due to e.g. the economics of attention in marketplaces like online dating; and the fact that "women at nightclubs" aren't one coherent group with shared goals but actually several independent groups that different men might want to meet for different reasons. Of course, the phrasing is dumb as hell.
  - LorenPechtel 4y ago
    Note that many of the paths lead to don't-date or travel to lower income areas--but note that while that might get you sex it's not very good for finding love. And note that there is only one path from normal looks/not neurotypical to a relationship--and that path doesn't make much sense. There's also a definite error. Note that an ugly guy who brings himself up to normal with surgery doesn't go through the neurotypical question. That arrow should go back to the top.
- orangepurple 4y ago
  There is just about nothing ideological about this flow chart
  - Nav_Panel 4y ago
    > sub5 / normie / chad > looksmaxx, moneymaxx, surgerymaxx > daygame, nightgame, warm approach The language itself reveals deeper structuring principles in terms of truths/untruths, from which the knowledge presented in the chart arises. The problem isn't that it's ideology; the NYT is equally ideological (ironically I had a far more visceral negative response to the angle of the OP article than to the above chart). The problem isn't even necessarily that it's TRP/manosphere ideology, but that it's treated unreflexively. The question that immediately comes to mind is "why are the only categories 'sub5', 'normie', and 'chad'? What grounding principles must I assume in order to decide which of these categories I'm a part of?" Same goes for the proposed actions: what worldview must I assume so that these action-words "make sense", are coherent? I can't speak for everyone, but when I personally dig into these questions, the answers I arrive at don't align with the other ways I elect to live in the world. I'm not saying the chart is "wrong", but rather that it's not relevant, for me at least.
    - orangepurple 4y ago
      I stand corrected. However, the question "What grounding principles must I assume in order to decide which of these categories I'm a part of?" has criteria WW outlines in "40 Differences in Treatment Between a Sub5, Normie & Chad." The theory isn't extremely rigorous and well defined.
      - Nav_Panel 4y ago
        The point isn't whether the criteria are knowable or not, the point is whether one is aligned with them, in terms of views/faiths/beliefs about how to live one's life. Better to think of it as a lens, perspective, frame, etc. which is neither true nor false, but instead accepted or rejected. In other words, it's a moral question.
  - 4y ago

cableshaft 4y ago

Libraries have lots of events where you can talk. They've had to reinvent themselves a bit since the internet and are a bit more of a community center nowadays. I wouldn't dismiss them out of hand. I went to a travel blogging meetup at one last year (hosted by library staff members), some events on making podcasts, regular board game nights at another, and there's a whole maker lab set up in the basement of my nearest library, with 3D printers, multiple sound recording rooms, multiple video recording studios, a vinyl cutter, a laser cutter and computers with Adobe suite installed on them that you can use pretty much whenever. Just looking at next month at adult events at my nearest library: yoga, drawing with pencils and charcoal class, conversational ESL, STEM workshop, a DIY craft event, a cooking class, photography club, meditation class, mixing live albums with Logic Pro class, dungeons and dragons event, coffee and conversation event, business topics workshop, folk art craft diy, trivia night, open mic night, aztec dancing event, line dancing, toastmasters (public speaking), film club, financial planning talk, 24 hour comic book creation event, state paranormal history talk, knitting, writers group, and several book club events. That's not even the kid or teen events. That's a lot, and a wide variety of things.

derefr 4y ago

> "concerts?" I couldn't talk to anyone at a concert as the music is too loud". "hacking camps", never seen more than 3% woman at any tech event. library? "shhh!, you're not supposed to talk at a library Re: concerts and libraries, you meet people outside of them (for concerts, in line for them, or in the pit waiting for the show to start), not at them per se. I don't know about "hacking camps" (hackathons? code boot camps?) — never been to one — but a close cousin of these, [industry niche] startup events, tend to attract just as many business cofounders as technical cofounders; and the business cofounders tend to be an even gender split. (They also attract seed-stage VC scouts and marketing people, and these jobs actually tend to lean female.) > As I said, I do, but none of the things I like involve enough people of the opposite sex. So... take up some new hobbies? And when I say that, I don't mean to work "bottom up" starting from what you might like; but rather, "top down", starting from what hobbies your ideal partner might have, and then filtering those for which ones you feel at least amicably neutral about. E.g. if you feel like you'd enjoy being with someone who's also 50yo and "creative", and you're not against e.g. painting, or pottery, or creative writing; then attend a continuing-education course on one of those. Because that's where you'll find other 50yos trying to learn those things.

meheleventyone 4y ago
> I don't know about "hacking camps" (hackathons? code boot camps?) — never been to one — but a close cousin of these, [industry niche] startup events, tend to attract just as many business cofounders as technical cofounders; and the business cofounders tend to be an even gender split. (They also attract seed-stage VC scouts and marketing people, and these jobs actually tend to lean female.) I think people are going to be weirded out by someone hitting on them at a business event.
- derefr 4y ago
  I'm not suggesting you do. You make connections, friends, people to work on things with. Then maybe something develops. However, I should note that as a technical cofounder attending these events, I've been approached and flirted with heavily by single female entrepreneurs who have ideas they haven't started building yet, who seem to be looking for a convenient all-in-one package of "a boyfriend who's also an entrepreneur, who can 'yes, and' my ambitions, and who has enough skill+experience to actually build the tech side of the things we imagine together." I'm neither single, nor a free agent business-wise, but some people can be both very pushy and presumptive.

60secs 4y ago

Are you looking for solutions or excuses?

dalke 4y ago

I would like to know which dance style you are learning. My experience is there is a good number of 50 somethings in tango. And like I said elsewhere, it's much more of a café scene than a bar scene, making it easier to socialize.

atoav 4y ago

About the concert thing: people tend to interact in the queue to the concert venue. People tend to talk after a concert. Extra perk: you already have a topic to talk about. Hacking camps are sure not a typical source of women, but what I said was not "search places where women are", but rather "put yourself out there, but in places that match your interest". If it turns out that place has no women at all, sure that won't help for that purpose. Keep in mind that I cited examples that worked for a young (35-ish) person like me. It is not easy to find someone you like, regardless of gender, but putting yourself out there is one of the best ways to do it. Even if your thing is IT, there might be places that need it. E.g. a friend did IT for kids in need and he certainly met one ore another women his age there.