4 ms·

Find Meaning at Work

6 points by pknomad 4y ago

Hey HN, How do you find meaning at work/life at 31? I'm finally working as an SRE at a company that pays ok but has very good work-life balance and has pretty good career opportunities. I very much wanted to work in infrastructure after toiling away at post-grad life sciences and then help-desky roles for 6 years. I feel like I should be more excited about the type of work I'm currently doing but I just don't feel excited. When I got the news about the job offer, I felt more sadness than happiness (which was completely unexpected). I feel like I invested way too much time and effort into career and nothing in improving my personal life. I'm spending more effort these days to travel, re-building relationships (which is hard when all of your friends are married & having kids), and finding new hobbies, but everything just feels dead. I'm seeing a therapist and it helps but these feels come and go. I just want to feel excited about life again.

spraveenitpro 4y ago
themodelplumber 4y ago
Sorry to hear about it. It sucks but doing this new personal-values work you're doing is probably going to have to feel like a grind for a little while, until you find your new groove, new passions, and so on. In case it helps, I built a productivity system that aims at assisting in work conditions where this kind of balance is needed (profile). One other thing to pay attention to during this period is the big-picture / little-picture divide. Sometimes burnout and finding-meaning processes respond best to focusing on one of those at a time, or both. For the big-picture items, usually that includes words like "meaning" and "reconnecting" and talking about general plans, strategies, and so on. But to satisfy the little-picture focus, it's important to have access to & try out little-picture terms like "today's podcast choice," "today's donut of choice," "today's list of things that suck" (to process them faster, restoring access to good feels), and so on. Personally I went through a lot of different burnout phases before I found the kind of life that works best for me (i.e. no more burnout, etc.), and I find that an almost rhythmic cycle between big and little picture is very useful. The different perspectives can support each other very well. Anyway, just some thoughts, good luck with everything.
- pknomad 4y ago
  It's super confusing and does feel like a grind. I don't think I ever had to self-evaluate myself to this degree. I'll give your suggestion a try. Appreciate the kind words.
solardev 4y ago
What about finding meaning outside of work? Your career doesn't have to be the (only) focus of your life. Maybe try something new once or twice a month. Check out your local meetups, visit museums or art galleries, read books of a different genre, go to random cultural events in your local newspaper, invite some friends to karaoke, plan a long backpacking trip, talk to new people, take classes at your local community college... keep exploring until you find yourself either passionate about something new, or maybe you've met more interesting people who provide fulfilling relationships, or at the very least you find yourself too distracted and busy with random shit to be depressed. Also, on a personal/emotional level... maybe it would help to learn peaceful acceptance in addition to the ceaseless pursuit of hedonism? You can burn out on excitement and adrenaline too, and learning to be ok in the in-between moments, when things aren't great or terrible but ust OK, is a useful life skill in and of itself. "This too will pass" -- both the good and the bad. I mean, really, let's face it, tech bros aren't generally known for being happy, well-balanced people... and if you fit that stereotype, well, it's in your power to branch out and start to absorb other personas into your life. It's not really "faking it until you make it", IMO, more like "trying new roles on until you find one, or a combination of several, that fit you". Oh! Also, maybe exercise more and eat better if you're not already doing that... a LOT of our mood is just controlled by microbes and hormones and shit, not necessarily anything going on in the conscious mind that you can actively re-imagine. Branch out, find other good things in life, then when you feel ready, you can always circle back and adjust your work to better suit your newfound interests and networks, maybe doing software for some other vertical you find more interesting than pure tech or moving to a different career altogether. As a SRE you have waaaaaay more ability to tweak your life than most people (because you can financially afford to explore things), might as well make use of it! Especially while you're childless and (presumably, it's not clear from your post) "relatively" single. If so, your 30s could be a golden age for you... you have (hopefully) the maturity to be able to take big risks for yourself, the financial wherewithal to chase at least some of your dreams, relative good health, and unburdened by Big Life Things like kids, marriages, divorces, mortgages, retirement, whatever. Just take it easy and keep looking instead of doubling-down on a dead-end tech job. At the end of your life you won't care how many lines of code you've written or how big your bank account got. Nobody will. Stop chasing empty dreams of "success" defined by a ruthless ultracapitalist society and find your own meaning!
joanfihu 4y ago
Start your own company. There is nothing as fulfilling as that. It’s the best decision I’ve made career wise.

6 points by pknomad 4y ago

spraveenitpro 4y ago

themodelplumber 4y ago

Sorry to hear about it. It sucks but doing this new personal-values work you're doing is probably going to have to feel like a grind for a little while, until you find your new groove, new passions, and so on. In case it helps, I built a productivity system that aims at assisting in work conditions where this kind of balance is needed (profile). One other thing to pay attention to during this period is the big-picture / little-picture divide. Sometimes burnout and finding-meaning processes respond best to focusing on one of those at a time, or both. For the big-picture items, usually that includes words like "meaning" and "reconnecting" and talking about general plans, strategies, and so on. But to satisfy the little-picture focus, it's important to have access to & try out little-picture terms like "today's podcast choice," "today's donut of choice," "today's list of things that suck" (to process them faster, restoring access to good feels), and so on. Personally I went through a lot of different burnout phases before I found the kind of life that works best for me (i.e. no more burnout, etc.), and I find that an almost rhythmic cycle between big and little picture is very useful. The different perspectives can support each other very well. Anyway, just some thoughts, good luck with everything.

pknomad 4y ago
It's super confusing and does feel like a grind. I don't think I ever had to self-evaluate myself to this degree. I'll give your suggestion a try. Appreciate the kind words.

solardev 4y ago

What about finding meaning outside of work? Your career doesn't have to be the (only) focus of your life. Maybe try something new once or twice a month. Check out your local meetups, visit museums or art galleries, read books of a different genre, go to random cultural events in your local newspaper, invite some friends to karaoke, plan a long backpacking trip, talk to new people, take classes at your local community college... keep exploring until you find yourself either passionate about something new, or maybe you've met more interesting people who provide fulfilling relationships, or at the very least you find yourself too distracted and busy with random shit to be depressed. Also, on a personal/emotional level... maybe it would help to learn peaceful acceptance in addition to the ceaseless pursuit of hedonism? You can burn out on excitement and adrenaline too, and learning to be ok in the in-between moments, when things aren't great or terrible but ust OK, is a useful life skill in and of itself. "This too will pass" -- both the good and the bad. I mean, really, let's face it, tech bros aren't generally known for being happy, well-balanced people... and if you fit that stereotype, well, it's in your power to branch out and start to absorb other personas into your life. It's not really "faking it until you make it", IMO, more like "trying new roles on until you find one, or a combination of several, that fit you". Oh! Also, maybe exercise more and eat better if you're not already doing that... a LOT of our mood is just controlled by microbes and hormones and shit, not necessarily anything going on in the conscious mind that you can actively re-imagine. Branch out, find other good things in life, then when you feel ready, you can always circle back and adjust your work to better suit your newfound interests and networks, maybe doing software for some other vertical you find more interesting than pure tech or moving to a different career altogether. As a SRE you have waaaaaay more ability to tweak your life than most people (because you can financially afford to explore things), might as well make use of it! Especially while you're childless and (presumably, it's not clear from your post) "relatively" single. If so, your 30s could be a golden age for you... you have (hopefully) the maturity to be able to take big risks for yourself, the financial wherewithal to chase at least some of your dreams, relative good health, and unburdened by Big Life Things like kids, marriages, divorces, mortgages, retirement, whatever. Just take it easy and keep looking instead of doubling-down on a dead-end tech job. At the end of your life you won't care how many lines of code you've written or how big your bank account got. Nobody will. Stop chasing empty dreams of "success" defined by a ruthless ultracapitalist society and find your own meaning!

joanfihu 4y ago

Start your own company. There is nothing as fulfilling as that. It’s the best decision I’ve made career wise.