I am in the opposite boat I spent most of my childhood coding (learning to code, working on projects and just messing around with computers), playing video gam

I am in the opposite boat I spent most of my childhood coding (learning to code, working on projects and just messing around with computers), playing video games (mostly Half-Life and Portal mods and maps, and trying to develop my own source and goldsource engine mods) and studying (I was the teacher‘s pet and was always obsessed with my grades). I am successful in my career but I often feel like I wasted my childhood. I wish I had more fun, I wish I played a sport or learnt a music instrument. Looking back, my childhood was so boring and lonely I often pass a football (soccer) field for a middle-school on my way to/from work and I feel jealous. I literally feel jealous of children I often think to myself „if only I could go back in time“ I only made some friends at the end of my school days and in college, so my social skills suck I am almost 30 and have never been in a relationship I wish I went to more parties I wish I had done something rebellious or bad when I was a child/teen I am often jealous of my colleagues who are also software developers but had much better childhoods and generally normal lives, and even in software engineering, many of them are better than me Yes, I spent my childhood coding, but I often feel like my skills are mediocre Many of my colleagues who started coding in their 20s are much more advanced than me I feel burnt out; my whole life seems to revolve around my career and I am Not evening that good at that /rant over