10 ms·

Been there, and I just did a booster. I'm now very happy as I plug along on my project without any negative judgement: https://www.adama-platform.com/2022/07/02

Been there, and I just did a booster. I'm now very happy as I plug along on my project without any negative judgement: https://www.adama-platform.com/2022/07/02/the-path-of-the-monastic-code-machine.html https://www.adama-platform.com/2022/07/02/the-path-of-the-mo... I'm doing silly things for silly reasons, and I've never been this happy and at peace. It let me heal from the moral injury of working in big tech for a decade.

birdyrooster 4y ago
What is your moral injury? I admit I have guilt from working in big tech too, but how did it affect your mental health?
- mathgladiator 4y ago
  I worked at Meta, and I'm not woke. I have more to write on this, but I was able to grind as I had interesting work. I got bored even as an E8, and I squeezed the last potential out as I mentored and helped others grew.
- thelittleone 4y ago
  I took ten years of Big Tech. Now I'm back and loving it with more awareness.
programmarchy 4y ago
Cool project. You seem like a fun and interesting person. I genuinely mean that!
- mathgladiator 4y ago
  Thanks!
ad404b8a372f2b9 4y ago
Very interesting. I've long sought the divine in the machine but haven't found a satisfactory avenue to pursue it so I went back to Catholicism instead. It provides answers to our suffering that hedonism ignores.
- mathgladiator 4y ago
  For me, I found the purpose as my role is to solve puzzles. Ketamine gave me a sense of spirit that we are all connected in this life, and gave me insights that are hard to describe. However, I believe there is value in waking up and solving puzzles for the sake of solving puzzles and it may not be time to leverage it in the commerce (if at all).
- scubakid 4y ago
  Growing up in a catholic household, what I mostly felt as a kid was cognitive dissonance and guilt... but to each their own.
  - politician 4y ago
    Parenting is hard.
    - paskozdilar 4y ago
      I figure it's easier when your main goal is raising your child as a life-loving person, instead of a good Catholic.
      - politician 4y ago
        There's lots of ways that crafting a moral compass around being a "life-loving person" can go wrong too. It's a hard problem.
        bheadmaster 4y ago
        You can say that about any kind of life philosophy. However, children are born as life-loving creatures. It seems reasonable that it's easier to keep them that way while teaching them how to function in this world, than to force onto them rigid unnatural habits (for example, many Christians consider sexuality a bad thing, and teach their children to be ashamed of their sexuality, except in this very special case of being married to someone; or they take the "respect your parents" command too seriously, effectively ridding their child of all rights to any kind of personal integrity - "I am your parent, you shall respect me, no matter what I do"), which lead to frustration of the child, which leads to resistance, which leads to frustration of parents, which leads to general unhappiness and mistrust. But even if we completely disregard the complexity of raising children - Christianity is, in its essence, a suffering fetish. The symbol of Christianity is a man suffering on a cross. I do not believe that that kind of imagery doesn't have harmful effects on young children.
FollowingTheDao 4y ago
I am in no way diagnosing, but I have Bipolar Disorder, so did my mother and my brother. I say things like this which you wrote when I am hypomanic/manic: "As I reflect on this, I’ve concluded that I exist with the divine purpose of bringing beauty into the world. Beauty and elegance require tremendous suffering because having taste is expensive." It is kind of typical of the condition. I know nothing I saw will convince you that the state you are living in is not a balanced state because I have been there as well and no one could tell me otherwise, so I get it.
- mathgladiator 4y ago
  That's fair, and there is context I intend to talk about more in a couple of future posts. I left my big tech job as a E8 (senior principal-ish) as I just got so bored. I retired from big tech, but it wasn't until ketamine until I could reset to a new baseline and be truly grateful for my present state. Now, I do what I want when I want and the spiritual experience helps me be ok with doing my Thang without too much judgement. I work on my platform, and I recently started to paint.
- swatcoder 4y ago
  > It is kind of typical of the condition. It can be, but it’s not exclusive to it. It’s good that you’ve identified cues that helps you check in on your own well-being, and it’s good that you have concern for others and want to help them, but please be mindful not to inadvertently shit on someone else’s sundae in the process. Seeing your life in spiritual terms and identifying yourself with a purpose is a common and healing experience, especially during transformative points in one’s life — like coming out of a depression, finding love, overcoming adversity, or even reading a book or exploring a new faith that resonates strongly. For some people, those feelings can get out of control and it’s good for people who face that pattern to be aware of what may be warning signs for them, but the same behavior is often a normal and healthy experience for others. Without other signs of concern, it might be kinder let others be than to suggest they question their own recovery.
  - FollowingTheDao 4y ago
1MachineElf 4y ago
Congratulations on healing from moral injury and good luck with your interesting project!

birdyrooster 4y ago

What is your moral injury? I admit I have guilt from working in big tech too, but how did it affect your mental health?

mathgladiator 4y ago
I worked at Meta, and I'm not woke. I have more to write on this, but I was able to grind as I had interesting work. I got bored even as an E8, and I squeezed the last potential out as I mentored and helped others grew.
thelittleone 4y ago
I took ten years of Big Tech. Now I'm back and loving it with more awareness.

programmarchy 4y ago

Cool project. You seem like a fun and interesting person. I genuinely mean that!

mathgladiator 4y ago
Thanks!

ad404b8a372f2b9 4y ago

Very interesting. I've long sought the divine in the machine but haven't found a satisfactory avenue to pursue it so I went back to Catholicism instead. It provides answers to our suffering that hedonism ignores.

mathgladiator 4y ago
For me, I found the purpose as my role is to solve puzzles. Ketamine gave me a sense of spirit that we are all connected in this life, and gave me insights that are hard to describe. However, I believe there is value in waking up and solving puzzles for the sake of solving puzzles and it may not be time to leverage it in the commerce (if at all).
scubakid 4y ago
Growing up in a catholic household, what I mostly felt as a kid was cognitive dissonance and guilt... but to each their own.
- politician 4y ago
  Parenting is hard.
  - paskozdilar 4y ago
    I figure it's easier when your main goal is raising your child as a life-loving person, instead of a good Catholic.
    - politician 4y ago
      There's lots of ways that crafting a moral compass around being a "life-loving person" can go wrong too. It's a hard problem.
      - bheadmaster 4y ago
        You can say that about any kind of life philosophy. However, children are born as life-loving creatures. It seems reasonable that it's easier to keep them that way while teaching them how to function in this world, than to force onto them rigid unnatural habits (for example, many Christians consider sexuality a bad thing, and teach their children to be ashamed of their sexuality, except in this very special case of being married to someone; or they take the "respect your parents" command too seriously, effectively ridding their child of all rights to any kind of personal integrity - "I am your parent, you shall respect me, no matter what I do"), which lead to frustration of the child, which leads to resistance, which leads to frustration of parents, which leads to general unhappiness and mistrust. But even if we completely disregard the complexity of raising children - Christianity is, in its essence, a suffering fetish. The symbol of Christianity is a man suffering on a cross. I do not believe that that kind of imagery doesn't have harmful effects on young children.

FollowingTheDao 4y ago

I am in no way diagnosing, but I have Bipolar Disorder, so did my mother and my brother. I say things like this which you wrote when I am hypomanic/manic: "As I reflect on this, I’ve concluded that I exist with the divine purpose of bringing beauty into the world. Beauty and elegance require tremendous suffering because having taste is expensive." It is kind of typical of the condition. I know nothing I saw will convince you that the state you are living in is not a balanced state because I have been there as well and no one could tell me otherwise, so I get it.

mathgladiator 4y ago
That's fair, and there is context I intend to talk about more in a couple of future posts. I left my big tech job as a E8 (senior principal-ish) as I just got so bored. I retired from big tech, but it wasn't until ketamine until I could reset to a new baseline and be truly grateful for my present state. Now, I do what I want when I want and the spiritual experience helps me be ok with doing my Thang without too much judgement. I work on my platform, and I recently started to paint.
swatcoder 4y ago
> It is kind of typical of the condition. It can be, but it’s not exclusive to it. It’s good that you’ve identified cues that helps you check in on your own well-being, and it’s good that you have concern for others and want to help them, but please be mindful not to inadvertently shit on someone else’s sundae in the process. Seeing your life in spiritual terms and identifying yourself with a purpose is a common and healing experience, especially during transformative points in one’s life — like coming out of a depression, finding love, overcoming adversity, or even reading a book or exploring a new faith that resonates strongly. For some people, those feelings can get out of control and it’s good for people who face that pattern to be aware of what may be warning signs for them, but the same behavior is often a normal and healthy experience for others. Without other signs of concern, it might be kinder let others be than to suggest they question their own recovery.
- FollowingTheDao 4y ago

1MachineElf 4y ago

Congratulations on healing from moral injury and good luck with your interesting project!