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Yeah, sorry, free time is going to be a thing of the past for a while. On the upside, you'll eventually get used to being woken up multiple times per night, an

Yeah, sorry, free time is going to be a thing of the past for a while. On the upside, you'll eventually get used to being woken up multiple times per night, and you'll be so perma-tired that you'll fall asleep easily afterwards. Pro-tip: co-sleeping. I know this is considered heretical in the US, but the rest of the world does it because it's so much easier, and unless you're morbidly obese/drunk/on drugs it's fine.

wjamesg 4y ago
I do not recommend co-sleeping. But if it works for you, great
- jgwil2 4y ago
  Seconded. You need to set boundaries in order to keep a private, adult life for yourself and your partner, if you have one.
  - thematrixturtle 4y ago
    Boundaries and a private, adult life are generally incompatible with a colicy newborn who has a finely tuned pressure alarm tuned to go off the instant you put them back in the crib, no matter how gently you do it. Most spouses are also less than keen on sexy time if they've had to drag their chronically sleep-deprived asses up a flight of stairs from the bedroom to the nursery every 45 minutes for the past three months.
- t0bia_s 4y ago
  It is not possible if you, well your wife, breastfeeding at night. Small babies usually don't sleep whole night without eating. I know a lot mothers that said they will never keep baby in their bed. Week after born, most of them find out, that it is much more comfortable to keep baby at bed and stay there for whole night. A lot of people there say that sleeping is ruined. Maybe just a small change in habits helps.
  - freedom2099 4y ago
    Count me in in this… I was adamant “kid will sleep in his own room from day one!”… my firstborn arrived last week and the crib already moved in our bedroom XD
xyzzy_plugh 4y ago
> it's fine. It's not, children under 2 are not fully equipped to free themselves if they get stuck or covered by something or someone. I'm not here to give parenting advice so, you do you, but it's irresponsible to suggest there is no risk when there very much is increased risk of death. The risk goes down as the child matures of course, but some parents sleep lighter than others, some move in their sleep, some sleep in soft beds with lots of bedding or pillows, or high up.
- thematrixturtle 4y ago
  Everything has risks, including stumbling around in the dark trying to put a baby back in its crib. My wife and I used separate blankets, firm latex pillows, and one of those co-sleeping mats with hard raised edges, positioned so that the baby's head was flush with the top end of the bed, above our own heads. YMMV.
  - xyzzy_plugh 4y ago
    > Everything has risks, including stumbling around in the dark trying to put a baby back in its crib. These are not remotely comparable and it's dishonest to argue otherwise. In-bed co-sleeping mats are banned in many countries. Cribs are not.
Daneel_ 4y ago
I also strongly recommend against co-sleeping, both from the perspective of potentially harming or smothering your baby, as well as the poor quality sleep that this generally results in. I'm not based in the US (Australia) and it's quite frowned upon here.
tcbasche 4y ago
I would say it's considered heretical elsewhere in the world too, because of the vastly increased risk of SIDS. It seems selfish to me to put that kind of risk on your own kid.
- thematrixturtle 4y ago
  My understanding is that essentially all of the risk of cosleeping comes from parents who are one or more of morbidly obese, alcoholic or drug abusers. Got sources that say otherwise? Here's one (small) study that says cosleeping is safer that an separate room: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1440-1754.2007.01085.x https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1440-1754.2007...
  - jgwil2 4y ago
    The current recommendation where I live is to sleep with the baby in the same room but in their own bassinet or crib for the first six months. After six months they can move to a separate room. So it is possibly the case that co-sleeping is safer than a separate room at that age but more dangerous than same room, separate beds.
  - tcbasche 4y ago
    It seems like your mind is already made up, but in any case: https://rednose.org.au/article/Co-sleeping_with_your_baby https://rednose.org.au/article/Co-sleeping_with_your_baby (Australian non-profit raising awareness against SIDS) https://raisingchildren.net.au/newborns/sleep/where-your-baby-sleeps/co-sleeping https://raisingchildren.net.au/newborns/sleep/where-your-bab... (Australian government-based parenting resources) https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/reduce-the-risk-of-sudden-infant-death-syndrome/ https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/redu... (UK Health service) It's all official health advice from government bodies which say it's unsafe regardless of the parents situation. I've found though this debate is similar to the "anti-vax" one, in that most people are quite emotional about it regardless of evidence, and can't generally be persuaded.
ghusto 4y ago
I don't know why it's such a big deal in the U.S., but as you say, it's standard practice in most of the world. I'll go further and say that it's for natural humans. Can you imagine a scenario in pre-history (when we could first call ourselves homo-sapiens) when the parents would be like "okay, you can fuck off a sleep in the corner now"? There's a reason children scream like that when you try it. Listen to the difference between that crying, and crying when there's just generally something a bit wrong like they're hungry. You can rationalise it all you like, but you're traumatising the child. Having said all that, I did _not_ find it easier, but incredibly difficult.
- tcbasche 4y ago
  Infant mortality was also astronomical in pre-history.
roland35 4y ago
Please don't cosleep. It can kill your infant. It's "heretical" because it's been shown over time that it leads to higher rates of infant deaths. If you want to sleep near your child, a bassinet near your bed is just as close but much safer.

wjamesg 4y ago

I do not recommend co-sleeping. But if it works for you, great

jgwil2 4y ago
Seconded. You need to set boundaries in order to keep a private, adult life for yourself and your partner, if you have one.
- thematrixturtle 4y ago
  Boundaries and a private, adult life are generally incompatible with a colicy newborn who has a finely tuned pressure alarm tuned to go off the instant you put them back in the crib, no matter how gently you do it. Most spouses are also less than keen on sexy time if they've had to drag their chronically sleep-deprived asses up a flight of stairs from the bedroom to the nursery every 45 minutes for the past three months.
t0bia_s 4y ago
It is not possible if you, well your wife, breastfeeding at night. Small babies usually don't sleep whole night without eating. I know a lot mothers that said they will never keep baby in their bed. Week after born, most of them find out, that it is much more comfortable to keep baby at bed and stay there for whole night. A lot of people there say that sleeping is ruined. Maybe just a small change in habits helps.
- freedom2099 4y ago
  Count me in in this… I was adamant “kid will sleep in his own room from day one!”… my firstborn arrived last week and the crib already moved in our bedroom XD

xyzzy_plugh 4y ago

> it's fine. It's not, children under 2 are not fully equipped to free themselves if they get stuck or covered by something or someone. I'm not here to give parenting advice so, you do you, but it's irresponsible to suggest there is no risk when there very much is increased risk of death. The risk goes down as the child matures of course, but some parents sleep lighter than others, some move in their sleep, some sleep in soft beds with lots of bedding or pillows, or high up.

thematrixturtle 4y ago
Everything has risks, including stumbling around in the dark trying to put a baby back in its crib. My wife and I used separate blankets, firm latex pillows, and one of those co-sleeping mats with hard raised edges, positioned so that the baby's head was flush with the top end of the bed, above our own heads. YMMV.
- xyzzy_plugh 4y ago
  > Everything has risks, including stumbling around in the dark trying to put a baby back in its crib. These are not remotely comparable and it's dishonest to argue otherwise. In-bed co-sleeping mats are banned in many countries. Cribs are not.

Daneel_ 4y ago

I also strongly recommend against co-sleeping, both from the perspective of potentially harming or smothering your baby, as well as the poor quality sleep that this generally results in. I'm not based in the US (Australia) and it's quite frowned upon here.

tcbasche 4y ago

I would say it's considered heretical elsewhere in the world too, because of the vastly increased risk of SIDS. It seems selfish to me to put that kind of risk on your own kid.

thematrixturtle 4y ago
My understanding is that essentially all of the risk of cosleeping comes from parents who are one or more of morbidly obese, alcoholic or drug abusers. Got sources that say otherwise? Here's one (small) study that says cosleeping is safer that an separate room: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1440-1754.2007.01085.x https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1440-1754.2007...
- jgwil2 4y ago
  The current recommendation where I live is to sleep with the baby in the same room but in their own bassinet or crib for the first six months. After six months they can move to a separate room. So it is possibly the case that co-sleeping is safer than a separate room at that age but more dangerous than same room, separate beds.
- tcbasche 4y ago
  It seems like your mind is already made up, but in any case: https://rednose.org.au/article/Co-sleeping_with_your_baby https://rednose.org.au/article/Co-sleeping_with_your_baby (Australian non-profit raising awareness against SIDS) https://raisingchildren.net.au/newborns/sleep/where-your-baby-sleeps/co-sleeping https://raisingchildren.net.au/newborns/sleep/where-your-bab... (Australian government-based parenting resources) https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/reduce-the-risk-of-sudden-infant-death-syndrome/ https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/redu... (UK Health service) It's all official health advice from government bodies which say it's unsafe regardless of the parents situation. I've found though this debate is similar to the "anti-vax" one, in that most people are quite emotional about it regardless of evidence, and can't generally be persuaded.

ghusto 4y ago

I don't know why it's such a big deal in the U.S., but as you say, it's standard practice in most of the world. I'll go further and say that it's for natural humans. Can you imagine a scenario in pre-history (when we could first call ourselves homo-sapiens) when the parents would be like "okay, you can fuck off a sleep in the corner now"? There's a reason children scream like that when you try it. Listen to the difference between that crying, and crying when there's just generally something a bit wrong like they're hungry. You can rationalise it all you like, but you're traumatising the child. Having said all that, I did _not_ find it easier, but incredibly difficult.

tcbasche 4y ago
Infant mortality was also astronomical in pre-history.

roland35 4y ago

Please don't cosleep. It can kill your infant. It's "heretical" because it's been shown over time that it leads to higher rates of infant deaths. If you want to sleep near your child, a bassinet near your bed is just as close but much safer.