Not 100% sure about what you're suggesting, but wouldn't it be easier to pass your functions to your table/sub-query? And that's exactly what you're able to do

Not 100% sure about what you're suggesting, but wouldn't it be easier to pass your functions to your table/sub-query? And that's exactly what you're able to do in most of the modern data warehouse services such as Snowflake. Inferences can be contained within internal/external user defined functions. This is very reminiscent of made the big-data/map-reduce movement so notable, sending your query to the data instead of moving your data to the query. Sending your model to the data, instead of sending the data to the model.