I don't care how painless "deployment" is when I have to manually update the ~5 different places in a single PHP script where a particular data schema is expect

I don't care how painless "deployment" is when I have to manually update the ~5 different places in a single PHP script where a particular data schema is expected to be synchronized (SQL, HTML, JS). It's really really easy to write and deploy unmaintainable code in PHP. Frankly, a little bit of friction in deployment is probably a good thing for code quality.