4 ms·

> America has a very work-centric culture. Within a few minutes of meeting someone, people typically talk about their family or work. I specifically make a poi

> America has a very work-centric culture. Within a few minutes of meeting someone, people typically talk about their family or work. I specifically make a point to not ask the dreaded "what do you do?" question. In my experience, that question is an absolute energy killer. Most people do not like what they do for a living, so asking them to talk about it brings the mood down. Plus there's the whole "sizing up" aspect of that question that's very off-putting to me, as if we need to know how much money people make before we decide how we feel about them. I'd much rather talk to people about their hobbies, travels, creative pursuits, kids, etc. - the things that people are actually excited to talk about.

halfmatthalfcat 4y ago
I’m usually interested to here what other people do as a selfish endeavor because people usually do or work for something at least moderately interesting. If someone doesn’t want to talk about it, there’s plenty of ways for them to steer the convo away from work. I’m excited to talk about what I do too, so I enjoy when people ask me…
geodel 4y ago
> I'd much rather talk to people about their hobbies, travels, creative pursuits, kids, etc. Yeah , this gets exciting only to people who can afford these things. It's possible that one only meet these types of people. In most context I have seen asking people what they do is not out of some deep interest in other's jobs/work but just the safe topic to broach with an adult.
- actually_a_dog 4y ago
  Yep. I remember we had specific training at my company on not mentioning literally any of these things when interviewing candidates, in part for that reason.
- thomasahle 4y ago
  > just the safe topic to broach with an adult Why is it unsafe to ask people about hobbies, even if they "can't afford these things"? They can just say that "I can't afford hobbies" and then you can talk about that. People also might not have a job/work, so asking about that could get uncomfortable too, if you are not willing to hear negative answers.
  - thwarted 4y ago
    Safe in that there's a good chance that everyone has an answer for the question. It's the same thing like asking about the weather: it's easy to observe and most people will have some kind of, even minor, opinion about it. It's called "small talk" for a reason and is meant as a conversation starter and/or to avoid the awkward just-staring-at-each-other moments. Even a tiny human connection is still a connection.
gofreddygo 4y ago
> talk to people about their hobbies, travels, creative pursuits, kids, etc. This backfires when you have more hobbies or travels than the other party. Also interests don't usually align (e.g "I spent last month looking for that one elusive comet from my DX-7512 telescope. here.. see this photo. What about you ? Umm. well nothing much") It's better to gradually start with some topic where opinions are likely to align. For small talk I do realize how important (and how easy once you've run this with 4-5 people) it is to find a hobby I enjoy, and pick sharable stories around it and back it up with some artifacts (like photos on my phone). I think it would help to come up with clusters of topics that are well aligned. Pick a topic from one cluster and see how it works, if not pick one from the next. If it worked, pick another one from the same cluster.
watwut 4y ago
I find people of other profession talking about their professions genuinely interesting thing to listen about. It is topic they have deep knowledge about and I usually don't. People with kids dont tend to have deep hobbies and exciting travels. Thinking about it, most people without them dont have hobbies they are super invested in either. There are some people with those and it is interesting when they talk about it, but most of them splits time between work and familly, putting a movie on top of it here and there.
MockObject 4y ago
I enjoy discussing my work. If someone asked me about my hobbies, I'd stare blankly, wondering if they really want to hear that I go to the gym, or the hours I spend on obscure corners of Wikipedia, or doing math for fun. For small talk, stick with questions that folks are asked constantly, and that everyone has a ready and rehearsed answer for.
- LionTamer 4y ago
  > If someone asked me about my hobbies, I’d stare blankly, wondering if they really want to hear that I go to the gym, or the hours I spend on obscure corners of Wikipedia, or doing math for fun. I have never related to something so much.
lapetitejort 4y ago
I've started asking people "What do you do with your time?" It's an open enough question that people can answer with work, hobbies, or life, whichever they feel more comfortable enough to share with someone they just met. It also invites unprompted switching between the topics.
anonymousDan 4y ago
I was always taught growing up that asking that is rude! I still make a conscious effort not to do it straight off. It's a bit of a lazy conversation opener and with a bit more imagination (e.g. based on something interesting/strange that is happening in the moment) I often get better conversations. Or maybe people just think I'm weird

halfmatthalfcat 4y ago

I’m usually interested to here what other people do as a selfish endeavor because people usually do or work for something at least moderately interesting. If someone doesn’t want to talk about it, there’s plenty of ways for them to steer the convo away from work. I’m excited to talk about what I do too, so I enjoy when people ask me…

geodel 4y ago

> I'd much rather talk to people about their hobbies, travels, creative pursuits, kids, etc. Yeah , this gets exciting only to people who can afford these things. It's possible that one only meet these types of people. In most context I have seen asking people what they do is not out of some deep interest in other's jobs/work but just the safe topic to broach with an adult.

actually_a_dog 4y ago
Yep. I remember we had specific training at my company on not mentioning literally any of these things when interviewing candidates, in part for that reason.
thomasahle 4y ago
> just the safe topic to broach with an adult Why is it unsafe to ask people about hobbies, even if they "can't afford these things"? They can just say that "I can't afford hobbies" and then you can talk about that. People also might not have a job/work, so asking about that could get uncomfortable too, if you are not willing to hear negative answers.
- thwarted 4y ago
  Safe in that there's a good chance that everyone has an answer for the question. It's the same thing like asking about the weather: it's easy to observe and most people will have some kind of, even minor, opinion about it. It's called "small talk" for a reason and is meant as a conversation starter and/or to avoid the awkward just-staring-at-each-other moments. Even a tiny human connection is still a connection.

gofreddygo 4y ago

> talk to people about their hobbies, travels, creative pursuits, kids, etc. This backfires when you have more hobbies or travels than the other party. Also interests don't usually align (e.g "I spent last month looking for that one elusive comet from my DX-7512 telescope. here.. see this photo. What about you ? Umm. well nothing much") It's better to gradually start with some topic where opinions are likely to align. For small talk I do realize how important (and how easy once you've run this with 4-5 people) it is to find a hobby I enjoy, and pick sharable stories around it and back it up with some artifacts (like photos on my phone). I think it would help to come up with clusters of topics that are well aligned. Pick a topic from one cluster and see how it works, if not pick one from the next. If it worked, pick another one from the same cluster.

watwut 4y ago

I find people of other profession talking about their professions genuinely interesting thing to listen about. It is topic they have deep knowledge about and I usually don't. People with kids dont tend to have deep hobbies and exciting travels. Thinking about it, most people without them dont have hobbies they are super invested in either. There are some people with those and it is interesting when they talk about it, but most of them splits time between work and familly, putting a movie on top of it here and there.

MockObject 4y ago

I enjoy discussing my work. If someone asked me about my hobbies, I'd stare blankly, wondering if they really want to hear that I go to the gym, or the hours I spend on obscure corners of Wikipedia, or doing math for fun. For small talk, stick with questions that folks are asked constantly, and that everyone has a ready and rehearsed answer for.

LionTamer 4y ago
> If someone asked me about my hobbies, I’d stare blankly, wondering if they really want to hear that I go to the gym, or the hours I spend on obscure corners of Wikipedia, or doing math for fun. I have never related to something so much.

lapetitejort 4y ago

I've started asking people "What do you do with your time?" It's an open enough question that people can answer with work, hobbies, or life, whichever they feel more comfortable enough to share with someone they just met. It also invites unprompted switching between the topics.

anonymousDan 4y ago

I was always taught growing up that asking that is rude! I still make a conscious effort not to do it straight off. It's a bit of a lazy conversation opener and with a bit more imagination (e.g. based on something interesting/strange that is happening in the moment) I often get better conversations. Or maybe people just think I'm weird