3 ms·

Mostly agree. I see this in my own kids. One of them is heavily influenced by my ex. She's scared, timid, immature, socially awkward, because she's allowed her

Mostly agree. I see this in my own kids. One of them is heavily influenced by my ex. She's scared, timid, immature, socially awkward, because she's allowed her mother's insecurities and anxieties turn her into the same type of person - everything is scary, stay away from everything! My other two have spent more time with myself and my partner, and are practically Gen-X kids because we've raised them much more like we were raised.

random_hacker 4y ago
honkycat 4y ago
yeah this sounds like a super healthy attitude to have towards your child. Judge them because they seem like your ex. You seem lovely in general.
- poulsbohemian 4y ago
  Same thing I told the poster above: You should apologize immediately and reconsider how you treat strangers when you know nothing of their story. If you knew anything about my story or my kid's stories, you'd be ashamed of yourself.
  - honkycat 4y ago
    We are on an internet forum meant for discussion. I don't owe you a positive reaction to your comments. I've had a hard life too. Most of us have. It doesn't make you special. Two different people called it out as a red flag for the exact same reason. Because it was a mean thing to say about someone who relies on you and under your care. Deal with it. You probably are a fine person, but maybe you should be a bit more introspective and acknowledge that saying your daughter is a "scared, timid, immature, socially awkward" person, just like your ex-wife, is comically transparent in its resentment towards both of them. Also funny how their personality is everyone else's fault (society, your ex-wife's, the boogyman) but has left out one key player who participated in raising them.
    - poulsbohemian 4y ago
      What you and diordiderot are missing is that you made it a personal attack. That's the problem both with your comments and with HN in general - over the years it's become full of personal attacks rather than discussion. Your comment above continues this pattern, extending your argument that I either harbor resentment or that I'm a poor parent and that is the cause of either my ex-wife's or my daughter's many issues. All without knowing me or them, or anything about the situation. Do you see where that is an ungrounded personal attack that has no relation to the discussion? Now, let's perhaps get back to why I made the original observation that I did - it's because when we read an article on teen emotional / mental well-being, we have to assess a lot of factors. In my own family I've witnessed both genetic and environmental factors that have yielded different outcomes. That was the purpose of my original sharing.
- poulsbohemian 4y ago
  >You seem lovely in general. I was voted "friendliest guy" in my high school class. I give generously of my time and (paltry) finances to child and animal welfare causes because I believe firmly in the idea that a society is judged by how it treats its most vulnerable. So thank you, I hope you follow the same practices in your community.
diordiderot 4y ago
It seems like you're taking out your dislike for your ex on your kid
- poulsbohemian 4y ago
  You should apologize immediately and reconsider how you treat strangers when you know nothing of their story.
- poulsbohemian 4y ago
  Perhaps you'd like me to tell you about the challenges of health care in rural America. Our lack of access to skilled mental health is an invisible epidemic. I assure you, when I write what I see in my oldest teen, it is out of a parent's love, knowing the hard road she has ahead if I can't find her the support she needs. I didn't see the signs in her mother until it was too late for me to do anything about it. So maybe that gives you a little glimpse. Perhaps rather than taking cheap shots behind an anonymous account, you could actually add something to the discussion?

random_hacker 4y ago

honkycat 4y ago

yeah this sounds like a super healthy attitude to have towards your child. Judge them because they seem like your ex. You seem lovely in general.

poulsbohemian 4y ago
Same thing I told the poster above: You should apologize immediately and reconsider how you treat strangers when you know nothing of their story. If you knew anything about my story or my kid's stories, you'd be ashamed of yourself.
- honkycat 4y ago
  We are on an internet forum meant for discussion. I don't owe you a positive reaction to your comments. I've had a hard life too. Most of us have. It doesn't make you special. Two different people called it out as a red flag for the exact same reason. Because it was a mean thing to say about someone who relies on you and under your care. Deal with it. You probably are a fine person, but maybe you should be a bit more introspective and acknowledge that saying your daughter is a "scared, timid, immature, socially awkward" person, just like your ex-wife, is comically transparent in its resentment towards both of them. Also funny how their personality is everyone else's fault (society, your ex-wife's, the boogyman) but has left out one key player who participated in raising them.
  - poulsbohemian 4y ago
    What you and diordiderot are missing is that you made it a personal attack. That's the problem both with your comments and with HN in general - over the years it's become full of personal attacks rather than discussion. Your comment above continues this pattern, extending your argument that I either harbor resentment or that I'm a poor parent and that is the cause of either my ex-wife's or my daughter's many issues. All without knowing me or them, or anything about the situation. Do you see where that is an ungrounded personal attack that has no relation to the discussion? Now, let's perhaps get back to why I made the original observation that I did - it's because when we read an article on teen emotional / mental well-being, we have to assess a lot of factors. In my own family I've witnessed both genetic and environmental factors that have yielded different outcomes. That was the purpose of my original sharing.
poulsbohemian 4y ago
>You seem lovely in general. I was voted "friendliest guy" in my high school class. I give generously of my time and (paltry) finances to child and animal welfare causes because I believe firmly in the idea that a society is judged by how it treats its most vulnerable. So thank you, I hope you follow the same practices in your community.

diordiderot 4y ago

It seems like you're taking out your dislike for your ex on your kid

poulsbohemian 4y ago
You should apologize immediately and reconsider how you treat strangers when you know nothing of their story.
poulsbohemian 4y ago
Perhaps you'd like me to tell you about the challenges of health care in rural America. Our lack of access to skilled mental health is an invisible epidemic. I assure you, when I write what I see in my oldest teen, it is out of a parent's love, knowing the hard road she has ahead if I can't find her the support she needs. I didn't see the signs in her mother until it was too late for me to do anything about it. So maybe that gives you a little glimpse. Perhaps rather than taking cheap shots behind an anonymous account, you could actually add something to the discussion?