5 ms·

It’s Not OK to Change Someone’s Name Just Because You Can’t Pronounce It Right

6 points by behnamoh 4y ago

superchroma 4y ago
Except that as described, people aren't actively changing it, they're just making mistakes because they're not worldly. I don't think you can reasonably expect people to care about the same things you do like this. It's ok to make changes to your life to better fit into a culture you want to transplant yourself into. You don't have to, but it will help smooth things over. This is a relatively simple complaint too, I recall the threads about westerners with hyphenated names having huge difficulties with banking and forms in general in china.
- jlund-molfese 4y ago
  I think there’s a paragraph or two of context missing in the original post. It’s just not reasonable to expect an uncommon name to be pronounced correctly. My last name is Lund-Molfese. The first part is Swedish, the second part Italian. It’s utterly impossible to know how to say it without asking me, and my response when people ask if they’ve got it right is usually “sure that’s fine,” because it’s not a good use of anyone’s time (in the workplace) to coach everyone I meet on the pronunciation of my name. Professionally, I go by my initials now, to avoid the need for others to speak my last name entirely. All that being said, I wonder if the author is talking about nicknames like “Jackie” instead of “Jacqueline.” They don’t specify, but deliberately choosing a nickname without asking (or even asking, honestly) is obviously offensive and not appropriate in a professional setting. It is fine to mispronounce names, but you should make a good-faith effort to replicate whatever nomenclature someone is introduced with.
  - behnamoh 4y ago
    Correct pronunciation is more difficult than correct spelling. When people also consistently misspell your name despite knowing the correct version, you'd start to find it irritating.
    - jlund-molfese 4y ago
      You’d be surprised! I have a friend named Jorden; it’s not a very common first name here. Recruiters and coworkers constantly misspell his name. Jordan is used frequently, and he’s even seen “Jordon”. They ever call him “Carter,” which is part of his last name. It’s just life, he doesn’t mind (as I don’t mind when my last name is misspelled) Why do you think people are deliberately misspelling or mispronouncing your name? Isn’t it much more likely that they’re making mistakes because they subconsciously assume letters go in a certain order in English? Have you tried bringing it up when you see these typos? They’ll most likely apologize and be embarrassed, but won’t argue with you. You’re assuming they know the correct version of your name, but most people don’t actually read letter by letter if they’re sending out hundreds of emails a day. People read words, not letters. “Benham” and “Bentham” are English names, and the reader is subconsciously looking for something they’re familiar with
      - behnamoh 4y ago
        You're right, and maybe I should correct the article to avoid making that assumption. In my case, I have corrected people in the past but they keep making the same mistake. It doesn't bother me because I agree with you that some order of letters are more common in English. It is just frustrating to have to correct people every single time.
jleyank 4y ago
If I look at the spelling and practice my phonetics I get beh + nam. I assume beh has a short e sound like yeh or yeah. Nam is pronounced like Vietnam was growing up, a short, somewhat flat a sound. However as I start saying it to myself the ordering shifts as I hear Benham as I approach normal speed. I also tend to swallow the a yielding ben-hm. I do not remember how different the hn and nh are in these words or if there is a difference. Non us English speakers would probably do better as they are exposed to a way more diverse population and probably enunciate more clearly. If it sounds more like an Indian name it might do best with (older?) English English speakers. But then us-ians can’t pronounce Gloucester either. And native Japanese speakers can’t really pronounce my name as they lack a syllable.
lazyeye 4y ago
The story of the immigrant experience and trying to fit into a foreign culture is as old as humanity itself. To be honest I now find these kind of stories a little tedious and boring. Being an immigrant is not remotely a special or interesting thing.
f1shy 4y ago
I get my name mispronounced, misspelled, in wrong order, and/or incomplete constantly. I do bot think it is so bad. After all, as immigrant, I can choose to go back to my natal country anytime, if that is so bad. It is no discrimination.

6 points by behnamoh 4y ago

Except that as described, people aren't actively changing it, they're just making mistakes because they're not worldly. I don't think you can reasonably expect people to care about the same things you do like this. It's ok to make changes to your life to better fit into a culture you want to transplant yourself into. You don't have to, but it will help smooth things over. This is a relatively simple complaint too, I recall the threads about westerners with hyphenated names having huge difficulties with banking and forms in general in china.

jlund-molfese 4y ago
I think there’s a paragraph or two of context missing in the original post. It’s just not reasonable to expect an uncommon name to be pronounced correctly. My last name is Lund-Molfese. The first part is Swedish, the second part Italian. It’s utterly impossible to know how to say it without asking me, and my response when people ask if they’ve got it right is usually “sure that’s fine,” because it’s not a good use of anyone’s time (in the workplace) to coach everyone I meet on the pronunciation of my name. Professionally, I go by my initials now, to avoid the need for others to speak my last name entirely. All that being said, I wonder if the author is talking about nicknames like “Jackie” instead of “Jacqueline.” They don’t specify, but deliberately choosing a nickname without asking (or even asking, honestly) is obviously offensive and not appropriate in a professional setting. It is fine to mispronounce names, but you should make a good-faith effort to replicate whatever nomenclature someone is introduced with.
- behnamoh 4y ago
  Correct pronunciation is more difficult than correct spelling. When people also consistently misspell your name despite knowing the correct version, you'd start to find it irritating.
  - jlund-molfese 4y ago
    You’d be surprised! I have a friend named Jorden; it’s not a very common first name here. Recruiters and coworkers constantly misspell his name. Jordan is used frequently, and he’s even seen “Jordon”. They ever call him “Carter,” which is part of his last name. It’s just life, he doesn’t mind (as I don’t mind when my last name is misspelled) Why do you think people are deliberately misspelling or mispronouncing your name? Isn’t it much more likely that they’re making mistakes because they subconsciously assume letters go in a certain order in English? Have you tried bringing it up when you see these typos? They’ll most likely apologize and be embarrassed, but won’t argue with you. You’re assuming they know the correct version of your name, but most people don’t actually read letter by letter if they’re sending out hundreds of emails a day. People read words, not letters. “Benham” and “Bentham” are English names, and the reader is subconsciously looking for something they’re familiar with
    - behnamoh 4y ago
      You're right, and maybe I should correct the article to avoid making that assumption. In my case, I have corrected people in the past but they keep making the same mistake. It doesn't bother me because I agree with you that some order of letters are more common in English. It is just frustrating to have to correct people every single time.

jleyank 4y ago

If I look at the spelling and practice my phonetics I get beh + nam. I assume beh has a short e sound like yeh or yeah. Nam is pronounced like Vietnam was growing up, a short, somewhat flat a sound. However as I start saying it to myself the ordering shifts as I hear Benham as I approach normal speed. I also tend to swallow the a yielding ben-hm. I do not remember how different the hn and nh are in these words or if there is a difference. Non us English speakers would probably do better as they are exposed to a way more diverse population and probably enunciate more clearly. If it sounds more like an Indian name it might do best with (older?) English English speakers. But then us-ians can’t pronounce Gloucester either. And native Japanese speakers can’t really pronounce my name as they lack a syllable.

lazyeye 4y ago

The story of the immigrant experience and trying to fit into a foreign culture is as old as humanity itself. To be honest I now find these kind of stories a little tedious and boring. Being an immigrant is not remotely a special or interesting thing.

f1shy 4y ago

I get my name mispronounced, misspelled, in wrong order, and/or incomplete constantly. I do bot think it is so bad. After all, as immigrant, I can choose to go back to my natal country anytime, if that is so bad. It is no discrimination.