29 ms·

This is always what people say, yet it’s not really true. You can always stay in touch with the people you care about via other means, and they with you. Yes, t

This is always what people say, yet it’s not really true. You can always stay in touch with the people you care about via other means, and they with you. Yes, there might be some events you’ll get left out of, especially in the beginning when people aren’t aware you’re not on Facebook, but eventually you settle into a calmer social state. I deleted mine five years ago and I just have a bunch of independent group text threads with family and friends as well as slack/discord. It’s different, and not as conveniently centralized, but it’s certainly not impossible to have a fulfilling social life, go to events, and keep up with people without it. Maybe not so much the third cousin or old family friend. Personally, I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything positive by not being on it. Meanwhile, I get to avoid being bombarded by ads, opinions I wasn’t interested in, manufactured outrage, and feeling the need to share my every thought with “everyone”.

vanilla_nut 4y ago
It is undeniably difficult to abstain from Facebook. There are local events, family events, businesses, family members, etc. that only operate within the walled garden. And the walls continue to rise, making it more and more difficult to peer at internal content from without. I've been Facebook (and Instagram)-free for years now, but my personal relationships have suffered for it. Fortunately Facebook is its own worst enemy here, since it keeps making its core products worse and worse for personal relationships. Ads in Messenger, suggested posts, hiding content from friends, dark patterns... it adds up, and over the past couple of years more and more of my friends have abandoned Facebook. Those friendships have largely rekindled. But the heavy users remain jacked in to the News Feed, utterly addicted, to the point where it's difficult to even reach them through another medium.
- ryandrake 4y ago
  While it might be difficult to initially leave Facebook, I find it's easy to remain gone once you do. The FOMO disappears slowly, your contacts learn the better ways to contact you, you re-learn how to interact with society through the free web, over the phone, and in-person. While painful, it will eventually dawn on you that those people who won't interact with you anymore simply because you're off Facebook: They aren't really your friends. And those businesses and events that can only be found via Facebook: They aren't worth it. This is controversial and I always get shot to hell for saying it, but they really aren't worth it. Businesses, friends, even family. If they really require you to use Facebook to talk to them, they don't deserve to be in your life. After almost a decade off the platform, I still firmly believe that there is no real value there, it's an illusion. It's all held together with FOMO and fear of loss. And you can quite easily lead a fulfilling, happy life without being a part of it.
  - vanilla_nut 4y ago
    Well said. The only place where that doesn’t hold (in my experience) is local government and community events. I try my best to advocate for open alternatives, but many non-technical people just don’t understand the problem with closed ecosystems like Facebook and Twitter. I do agree with your core point, though: it’s all FOMO, and you can work around everything after you realize that the walled gardens are abusive and not worth your time. I do feel for folks who don’t have good alternatives, though — like families who struggle to find out about school events because they’re only distributed on Facebook. But only by continually insisting that others abstain from walled gardens will we eventually tear the walls down. So it goes; some suffering is inevitable.

vanilla_nut 4y ago

It is undeniably difficult to abstain from Facebook. There are local events, family events, businesses, family members, etc. that only operate within the walled garden. And the walls continue to rise, making it more and more difficult to peer at internal content from without. I've been Facebook (and Instagram)-free for years now, but my personal relationships have suffered for it. Fortunately Facebook is its own worst enemy here, since it keeps making its core products worse and worse for personal relationships. Ads in Messenger, suggested posts, hiding content from friends, dark patterns... it adds up, and over the past couple of years more and more of my friends have abandoned Facebook. Those friendships have largely rekindled. But the heavy users remain jacked in to the News Feed, utterly addicted, to the point where it's difficult to even reach them through another medium.

ryandrake 4y ago
While it might be difficult to initially leave Facebook, I find it's easy to remain gone once you do. The FOMO disappears slowly, your contacts learn the better ways to contact you, you re-learn how to interact with society through the free web, over the phone, and in-person. While painful, it will eventually dawn on you that those people who won't interact with you anymore simply because you're off Facebook: They aren't really your friends. And those businesses and events that can only be found via Facebook: They aren't worth it. This is controversial and I always get shot to hell for saying it, but they really aren't worth it. Businesses, friends, even family. If they really require you to use Facebook to talk to them, they don't deserve to be in your life. After almost a decade off the platform, I still firmly believe that there is no real value there, it's an illusion. It's all held together with FOMO and fear of loss. And you can quite easily lead a fulfilling, happy life without being a part of it.
- vanilla_nut 4y ago
  Well said. The only place where that doesn’t hold (in my experience) is local government and community events. I try my best to advocate for open alternatives, but many non-technical people just don’t understand the problem with closed ecosystems like Facebook and Twitter. I do agree with your core point, though: it’s all FOMO, and you can work around everything after you realize that the walled gardens are abusive and not worth your time. I do feel for folks who don’t have good alternatives, though — like families who struggle to find out about school events because they’re only distributed on Facebook. But only by continually insisting that others abstain from walled gardens will we eventually tear the walls down. So it goes; some suffering is inevitable.