4 ms·
Hi Ahmed, I want to read your piece, but your opening sentence needs some work: >Us denizens of the Internet have become familiar with concepts that were forei
by syndacks 4y ago
Hi Ahmed, I want to read your piece, but your opening sentence needs some work:
>Us denizens of the Internet have become familiar with concepts that were foreign more than a decade ago, one of the most that causes the most influence is going viral.
This is largely unintelligible and, as a writer, I think something you should consider making more concrete. Otherwise, you run the risk of leaving your readership confused and, ultimately, not reading your work.
- golly_ned 4y agoThis is so patronizing.
- Alupis 4y agoConstructive feedback is not patronizing. People need to be able to receive constructive feedback and improve, without feeling attacked. I did not detect snark, or superiority in this feedback comment. Instead, it seems to genuinely attempt to offer constructive feedback. The parent pointed out a specific fragment that needs re-work, which is an actionable item for the OP. Perhaps it could have been framed more positively, but constructing a place where people cannot offer direct, actionable feedback is quite unhelpful for all involved.
- Enginerrrd 4y agoI'm mostly on your side, although the specific phrase "I want to read your work but..." [your opening sentence isn't good enough for me to grace your article with my superior writer eyeballs?] is perhaps problematic. Otherwise, I agree that it appears helpful and applicable.
- Geonode 4y agoNo, throughout the article there are major hallmarks of underdeveloped English writing mastery, and overall the whole thing is a bit more florid than it is clear and to the point.
- ausbah 4y agothe peak for me was the unaccompanied use of "serendipitously", don't want to be mr-anti-intellect but this was a slog