4 ms·

> Maybe things would have worked out It is highly unlikely that things would have worked out given your description. A healthy relationship is an honest one an

> Maybe things would have worked out It is highly unlikely that things would have worked out given your description. A healthy relationship is an honest one and sometimes life sucks and a supportive partner will help you through those times, and vice versa. Having said that, being constantly hyper-negative is also unhealthy and a relationship is unlikely to last if one only ever focuses on the negative side of things. If that describes you then that is something that a therapist can help you understand the address.

999900000999 4y ago
I'm going to disagree here, we were only 19. It was just too much for even me to handle, I did have another friend and she was very supportive but I absolutely don't blame my first girlfriend for leaving.
- robocat 4y ago
  You should be able to find a counterfactual 19yo self, a person similar to you with similar stresses with a similar partner: a person who kept their “bad things” inside and did not share them with their partner. nyokodo‘s point is keeping stresses “hidden” is also probably similarly destructive in a relationship. Either way, I am pleased you reflect on your past and try different techniques to avoid making the same mistakes. Personally, I just make different mistakes! Another thing to be careful of is that we edit our pasts: getting reliable information on cause and effect is extremely difficult. We all create narratives that don’t exactly fit the facts. Not saying you did that, just to try and avoid making that mistake which is easy to see in others but hard to see in ourselves. Good luck.
  - 999900000999 4y ago
    I'll put it this way, if I would have met her... Just two or three months later, my life was in a phenomenally better state. There was no reason for me to tell her on a second date or whatever about all of my problems. I was a stupid 19-year-old. Now I know, you just don't need to tell everybody everything. Particularly when you don't know the person that well, it doesn't help them to know what you're going through. It's all love though, after my first girlfriend dumped me I probably went out with like 3 or 4 other girls within a year or so.
- nyokodo 4y ago
  > I absolutely don't blame my first girlfriend for leaving. Good, it shouldn’t be about blame, neither her nor you, it just wasn’t meant to be. I get the sense that you’d benefit from talking to a therapist about this if you aren’t already and have the means. Basically everyone benefits from talking through matters like this with a professional. Good luck!
  - 999900000999 4y ago
    I've actually tried therapy again rather recently. I definitely have the income to afford it, but it hasn't been super effective so far. The money doesn't really matter, but I'm afraid I might just be wasting my time.
    - nyokodo 4y ago
      > I've actually tried therapy again rather recently....I'm afraid I might just be wasting my time It can take a few tries to find the right therapist too. I encourage you to keep it up and see what happens.

999900000999 4y ago

I'm going to disagree here, we were only 19. It was just too much for even me to handle, I did have another friend and she was very supportive but I absolutely don't blame my first girlfriend for leaving.

robocat 4y ago
You should be able to find a counterfactual 19yo self, a person similar to you with similar stresses with a similar partner: a person who kept their “bad things” inside and did not share them with their partner. nyokodo‘s point is keeping stresses “hidden” is also probably similarly destructive in a relationship. Either way, I am pleased you reflect on your past and try different techniques to avoid making the same mistakes. Personally, I just make different mistakes! Another thing to be careful of is that we edit our pasts: getting reliable information on cause and effect is extremely difficult. We all create narratives that don’t exactly fit the facts. Not saying you did that, just to try and avoid making that mistake which is easy to see in others but hard to see in ourselves. Good luck.
- 999900000999 4y ago
  I'll put it this way, if I would have met her... Just two or three months later, my life was in a phenomenally better state. There was no reason for me to tell her on a second date or whatever about all of my problems. I was a stupid 19-year-old. Now I know, you just don't need to tell everybody everything. Particularly when you don't know the person that well, it doesn't help them to know what you're going through. It's all love though, after my first girlfriend dumped me I probably went out with like 3 or 4 other girls within a year or so.
nyokodo 4y ago
> I absolutely don't blame my first girlfriend for leaving. Good, it shouldn’t be about blame, neither her nor you, it just wasn’t meant to be. I get the sense that you’d benefit from talking to a therapist about this if you aren’t already and have the means. Basically everyone benefits from talking through matters like this with a professional. Good luck!
- 999900000999 4y ago
  I've actually tried therapy again rather recently. I definitely have the income to afford it, but it hasn't been super effective so far. The money doesn't really matter, but I'm afraid I might just be wasting my time.
  - nyokodo 4y ago
    > I've actually tried therapy again rather recently....I'm afraid I might just be wasting my time It can take a few tries to find the right therapist too. I encourage you to keep it up and see what happens.