5 ms·

Unlike Western countries like the US, hugs are not part of the daily postures in Japan, even between family members - Most moms don't hug their children in norm

Unlike Western countries like the US, hugs are not part of the daily postures in Japan, even between family members - Most moms don't hug their children in normal circumstances for example. I think that's part of why these Japanese anime creators treat it as special and magical.

kiba 4y ago
Hugs are not really a thing in the US either.
- decremental 4y ago
  That's not true. Guys who are really close friends or family will do the epic handshake, pull it in, quick tap on the back hug. Women hug all the time. It's their version of the handshake. Every time I meet up with women they want to hug.
  - nrb 4y ago
    For anyone curious, that bro hug is also known as giving dap, or a pound hug. Have lived in several US states and many major cities (NY, Chicago, SF, LA) and dap is universal.
    - jason-phillips 4y ago
      > dap Great word, that.
- Mizza 4y ago
  Hugs are super common in California, even when meeting people for the first time. It freaked me out when I moved there. I don't know you, buddy, get away from me.
  - CharlesW 4y ago
    > Hugs are super common in California, even when meeting people for the first time. My CA experience is that hugs between anyone other than family and close friends are rare, at least in Silicon Valley and San Diego. Although I imagine this varies quite a bit by culture.
- jason-phillips 4y ago
  Well bless your heart! Come on over here and let Texas show you how it's done!
  - t-3 4y ago
    I'm from El Paso - hugs aren't a thing in my family either. I get really weirded out by people that want to touch me as socializing.
- cm2012 4y ago
  Northeast US, hugs are a standard greeting for extended family and close friends for the people I know.
- pfist 4y ago
  I'm 38 years old and have lived in the US my entire life. I have lived in 5 states and visited 17. While the frequency does vary quite a bit from place to place, I have never been to a city where no one hugs; especially close family members.
  - psyc 4y ago
    Late 40s and I also don't know what gp means. I don't think "in the US" is the appropriate level of granularity for such a statement.
- causality0 4y ago
  Where in the US do you live, because I've never been somewhere here that people don't hug.
- ClassyJacket 4y ago
  I am extremely confident you are 100% wrong
yakubin 4y ago
I wish I was born in such a culture. I've been trying to teach my father I'm not comfortable with being patted on my laps, back, hugged or generally needlessly touched, since I was 7 at least (25 now). I'm not very hopeful that will ever work. At least I got the little success of stopping my relatives from trying to kiss me on cheeks. For me such gestures are really reserved for intimate relationships in intimate moments. I've recently read James Clavell's Shōgun and the way this book depicted how physical contact and intimacy was treated in Japan circa 1600 really resonates with how I feel about those things, i.e. whatever happens between two people behind close doors is no big deal, public nudity (devoid of sex) is no big deal, but casual touching, hugging, kissing with everyone at every turn which is so commonplace in Western cultures is a no-no. I highly recommend the book btw. It gave me a picture of a beautiful place and culture.
- antiterra 4y ago
  I hope it’s a little heartening that a parenting style that says ‘my body is my body’ is relatively popular which means those kids never have to try to dodge a kiss from grandma they don’t want. That said, reading about Temple Grandin’s hug box experience might open something up around the sensation.
  - touisteur 4y ago
    It has become very clear to me, listening to all my female friends, colleagues, partners - mtalking about consent and all kinds of horrible experiences when they couldn't say no, I didn't feel they could - that we used to teach body submission since a young age. I have twin girls and I'm trying as hard as possible to teach them body autonomy and consent. Your body your choice. The doctors help (if it's not urgent, let's talk, and if you're afraid or don't understand yet, we'll do it later on - the girls consent far easier when they don't get pressure and an explanation, and when they can see a track record of truthfulness and explaining stuff before - this is going to hurt, I'm doing it so you don't get such and such disease, as your parents explained, are you OK with it ? We can numb the area if you need). It can look silly to the tough-it-out crowd (and I don't really care if it annoys anyone) and yes, there'll be emergency overrides, but thankfully we've never needed any. Even the rare firemen or ER medics asked and explained before performing acts and actually listened to the answer (we can do this one a bit later, but we need to do that one now to make sure you're not in grave danger, OK?)... Family that doesn't understand get a talking to, first by the girls themselves, and then later on I can most of the time pinpoint painful or unpleasant experiences in the family stories, to illustrate the most irate. Every woman in my family immediately got it. My own grandma (born in the 20s) was ecstatic when we explained 'oh I hated when they forced me to kiss someone or get kissed, good for them, women are not toys'. Guess who gets the most hugs, kisses... My father doesn't get it, jokes it out and tries to force the issue or steal hugs or kisses and doesn't understand why they won't 'just take it'. Yeah... You can guess how he is with women. The first rule there has always been 'have I listened to what they actually want'? They're dependent human beings, not things. Strangely, many things become easier then. Not a struggle with authority but actually convincing about what needs to happen (vaccines, medical exams, hygiene, medication, sunscreen...), what can happen if they want and what the consequences can be (ears pierced, kinds of clothes, hairstyle)... I find them far more invested once they're all in, and... that I needed to work a lot on control issues. ... sorry, parenting is such a mind consuming activity, I ramble :-)

kiba 4y ago

Hugs are not really a thing in the US either.

decremental 4y ago
That's not true. Guys who are really close friends or family will do the epic handshake, pull it in, quick tap on the back hug. Women hug all the time. It's their version of the handshake. Every time I meet up with women they want to hug.
- nrb 4y ago
  For anyone curious, that bro hug is also known as giving dap, or a pound hug. Have lived in several US states and many major cities (NY, Chicago, SF, LA) and dap is universal.
  - jason-phillips 4y ago
    > dap Great word, that.
Mizza 4y ago
Hugs are super common in California, even when meeting people for the first time. It freaked me out when I moved there. I don't know you, buddy, get away from me.
- CharlesW 4y ago
  > Hugs are super common in California, even when meeting people for the first time. My CA experience is that hugs between anyone other than family and close friends are rare, at least in Silicon Valley and San Diego. Although I imagine this varies quite a bit by culture.
jason-phillips 4y ago
Well bless your heart! Come on over here and let Texas show you how it's done!
- t-3 4y ago
  I'm from El Paso - hugs aren't a thing in my family either. I get really weirded out by people that want to touch me as socializing.
cm2012 4y ago
Northeast US, hugs are a standard greeting for extended family and close friends for the people I know.
pfist 4y ago
I'm 38 years old and have lived in the US my entire life. I have lived in 5 states and visited 17. While the frequency does vary quite a bit from place to place, I have never been to a city where no one hugs; especially close family members.
- psyc 4y ago
  Late 40s and I also don't know what gp means. I don't think "in the US" is the appropriate level of granularity for such a statement.
causality0 4y ago
Where in the US do you live, because I've never been somewhere here that people don't hug.
ClassyJacket 4y ago
I am extremely confident you are 100% wrong

yakubin 4y ago

I wish I was born in such a culture. I've been trying to teach my father I'm not comfortable with being patted on my laps, back, hugged or generally needlessly touched, since I was 7 at least (25 now). I'm not very hopeful that will ever work. At least I got the little success of stopping my relatives from trying to kiss me on cheeks. For me such gestures are really reserved for intimate relationships in intimate moments. I've recently read James Clavell's Shōgun and the way this book depicted how physical contact and intimacy was treated in Japan circa 1600 really resonates with how I feel about those things, i.e. whatever happens between two people behind close doors is no big deal, public nudity (devoid of sex) is no big deal, but casual touching, hugging, kissing with everyone at every turn which is so commonplace in Western cultures is a no-no. I highly recommend the book btw. It gave me a picture of a beautiful place and culture.

antiterra 4y ago
I hope it’s a little heartening that a parenting style that says ‘my body is my body’ is relatively popular which means those kids never have to try to dodge a kiss from grandma they don’t want. That said, reading about Temple Grandin’s hug box experience might open something up around the sensation.
- touisteur 4y ago
  It has become very clear to me, listening to all my female friends, colleagues, partners - mtalking about consent and all kinds of horrible experiences when they couldn't say no, I didn't feel they could - that we used to teach body submission since a young age. I have twin girls and I'm trying as hard as possible to teach them body autonomy and consent. Your body your choice. The doctors help (if it's not urgent, let's talk, and if you're afraid or don't understand yet, we'll do it later on - the girls consent far easier when they don't get pressure and an explanation, and when they can see a track record of truthfulness and explaining stuff before - this is going to hurt, I'm doing it so you don't get such and such disease, as your parents explained, are you OK with it ? We can numb the area if you need). It can look silly to the tough-it-out crowd (and I don't really care if it annoys anyone) and yes, there'll be emergency overrides, but thankfully we've never needed any. Even the rare firemen or ER medics asked and explained before performing acts and actually listened to the answer (we can do this one a bit later, but we need to do that one now to make sure you're not in grave danger, OK?)... Family that doesn't understand get a talking to, first by the girls themselves, and then later on I can most of the time pinpoint painful or unpleasant experiences in the family stories, to illustrate the most irate. Every woman in my family immediately got it. My own grandma (born in the 20s) was ecstatic when we explained 'oh I hated when they forced me to kiss someone or get kissed, good for them, women are not toys'. Guess who gets the most hugs, kisses... My father doesn't get it, jokes it out and tries to force the issue or steal hugs or kisses and doesn't understand why they won't 'just take it'. Yeah... You can guess how he is with women. The first rule there has always been 'have I listened to what they actually want'? They're dependent human beings, not things. Strangely, many things become easier then. Not a struggle with authority but actually convincing about what needs to happen (vaccines, medical exams, hygiene, medication, sunscreen...), what can happen if they want and what the consequences can be (ears pierced, kinds of clothes, hairstyle)... I find them far more invested once they're all in, and... that I needed to work a lot on control issues. ... sorry, parenting is such a mind consuming activity, I ramble :-)